Is it healthy?
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Anonymous
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Ever since we started TTC (nearing 3 years) I have been collecting things: lists of names for future baby, material for blankets, trinkets, artwork for nursery, etc. I also refuse to do anything with what I hope is our future baby room - it just sits and collects junk. Mentally I guess I can't handle replacing it with something like an office because all I want is to have my child living there. I don't tell anyone about these things and keep the stuff in the bottom of a drawer.
Is this normal?? Sometimes it depresses me even more and other times I feel like it's a reminder that I have hope. |
Anonymous
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I guess only you can answer that question.
If it were me... I'd put those items in a box and get them out of sight and make the room something else. Staring at an empty room has got to be painful. Making it an office would have it serve a purpose and by no means does it say it will not be occupied by a baby one day soon. It just means you want to be using all the space in your house for who you are now. Keep it simple and inexpensive and when you have your baby down the road you will be all too happy to change out the furniture! |
Anonymous
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We have been trying for basically that long also. I haven't really collected anything, but once we moved into a new house with room for a baby, I was (and remain) adamant about reserving that room for that purpose. It stays empty and I don't allow any junk to go into it. Personally, I don't find that depressing though. For me, it is me reserving our baby's spot in the house and it is an expression of my intention. I believe this room will be filled.
I think everyone is different. One of my friends picked up cute baby things for years and already knew what she was going to name her child. I don't do that, but I think it is very personal. Do what works for you. If it will hurt you more to turn the room into an office, than leave it as is. |
Anonymous
| We've been trying for over three years and have a room we always thought would be for the baby. We haven't managed to do anything with it than use it to temporarily store things. I've bought a few small things over the years and have kept them in a drawer. I think it's natural to do this and it's personal what works for each person. Doing these things helps give me hope. I have another beta today (6th) and am really hoping to see that elusive bfp though I have a feeling it's not going to work out. |
Anonymous
| Oh, my God. This is pathetic. Use your room for something that makes you happy. Stop living in an imaginary future. There is plenty of time to convert the room if/when you have a kid. |
Anonymous
| PP is nasty and rude. Ignore that comment! |
Anonymous
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She asked if it's healthy; I don't think it is. I think the intense focus that infertile couples have on their babymaking status is fundamentally unhealthy and reinforces the misconception that their lives cannot be meaningful and satisfying until they have children. I have seen many, many friends who wish they would have spent more time enjoying the lives they had rather than obsessing over what they perceive is missing.
It reminds me of those cats that go through false pregnancies and try to nurse socks. Sad. |
Anonymous
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What's not healthy is the nastiness of the comments above. It's unreal to me how horrible people can be on this site. People come here for support, advice and information. What they often get is judgement and criticism. I can only guess they get some sort of petty high from making such comments. Now, that's sad.
Would you say those things to someone's face? Or are you only able to say such terrible things anonymously? Would you make such comments to your friends or family? Or is it ok because you're making them to strangers. |
Anonymous
| I don't think this is uncommon. If you're worried and there are other signs of you obsessing, then I would make an appointment with a therapist who specializes in fertility issues. I wish you well, OP. |
Anonymous
| Shopping for the future baby was a way for me to cope and focus my energy. On the other hand, it made my husband sad to see the things I would buy because they reminded him that we didn't have a baby. It's just so personal. |
Anonymous
Your nasty, judgmental comments sound awfully familiar. Obviously you never suffered from IF, so why must you come here and run your mouth? Scram already. 
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Anonymous
| Twenty years before kids, I crocheted a blanket for my future baby and I had a onesie that someone gave me. Didn't dwell on it or save space for a future kid who may or may not ever be. Guess I think it's ok to do something but not to go overboard. FWIW my kids fight over who owns that baby blanket. |
Anonymous
Sad? Sad?? What's sad is your heart. How dare you come on here and judge? Do you deal with these issues? Do you have the pain and heartache every month of wanting something more than anything in this world and seeing failure after failure that's beyond your control? Until you've spent a second in our lives, don't you dare post on this site again. OP- I totally get it. We tried for two years and I would go to stores and walk up and down the baby aisles looking and wishing and praying. I thought it was therapeutic but in retrospect it just made me sad. I have a wonderful son now and we are heading down the path for number two. I'll pray for your success. |
Anonymous
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I don't think it is healthy or unhealthy.
Healthy in the sense that I don't think anything is wrong with keeping that room for the baby. Unhealthy - what happens if you can't conceive? You don't mention if you are going to try intervention or adoption so I don't know. How will you handle getting rid of all the items you've bought? I think this is where it can fall into the unhealthy territory. For now- stop buying. Keep what you have now and keep the room how it is. But it also might be worth talking to a therapist that deals with infertility issues to help you through this very difficult process. Hope everything works out for you |