Do you find it frustrating communicating with your aging parents?
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Anonymous
| We live within an hour away so I see them often and check on things. They are functioning well and one is still working, but I feel like they are losing it when it comes to communicating. I have had so many frustrating conversations with them and the worst part is they communicate poorly with eachother too. I don't recall things being like this before or at least it was much milder. Plus, sometimes they completely offend me even though I know it's not intentional. It's not worth trying to discuss why I find something hurtful because it doesn't go anywhere. I know not to take it personally. It probably comes with aging. Just venting because it's annoying, though I do try to step back and see the humor in it. |
Anonymous
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Oh yes - I assume it's the normal aging process. 1. Now I have to make sure that the correct info is told to the correct recipient directly, otherwise it all gets lost in translation. 2. They bicker about the most mundane things that a smidgen of communication would have fixed right away. It lasts 5 minutes before they forget what they're bickering about. 3. They have no filter, which leads to hurt feelings. |
Anonymous
| And of course I find it annoying, and try to let it go. |
Anonymous
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oh, MG. Not even going to start on this because I promised DH I'd hit the sack.
But short story, yes, and also, of course, so glad she's still in my life. And always on my DH to not use ear buds that go in the ear, but to use the kind where the sound is outside the ear canal. Because I don't want to have to be yelling at him during the last 1/3 of our lives... |
Anonymous
| I had the same experience with my mom when she got old and am now experiencing it with my MIL. I think it's kind of typical, but hard to deal with. And, if my experience is in the normal range, it gets worse. They start to lose their filters and it's not only unintentionally hurtful but also embarrassing. |
Anonymous
| Would anyone mind if I just typed several pages of YES!YES!YES!YES! -- maybe in a super sized font? My MIL is perfectly capable of taking care of herself physically, but she cannot answer the most simple and basic of questions about her finances. And she gets angry when anyone questions her despite asking to borrow money. |
Anonymous
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Can I ask some of you, PPs, how old your parents/in-laws are?
My mom is 75, and she's still pretty sharp (knocking on wood here). And my in-laws who are in their early 70s are still their regular annoying selves.. but I haven't noticed any decline. |
Anonymous
| Yes yes and yes |
Anonymous
OP here. Wow. I guess this is pretty typical. Here's what I am noticing, my dad is more pleasant with me that he was in his Type A hey day, but he is more difficult with my mother. My mother is losing her filter with me faster than with others and she will say hurtful things. She also needs me for venting about my dad and sometimes I intervene to smooth over the communication between them. I think my mother just needs a release and I happen to be there more since we live somewhat close. Brother is ill and sister still struggles some with depression so she is more careful with them. She seems to keep it together for nieces, nephews, grandkids, etc with only the occasional loss of filter. She also can still be very nice to me, I just seem to be the one she lets lose with and usually I am able to just let it bounce off me or I make it into a joke. If I'm stressed and sleep deprived I have to be careful about dealing with them because it can bring me down and my sense of humor goes out the window. To the person who asked, mom is 74 and dad is 81. Sometimes I think my dad is fading faster, but other times I am surprised by how addled my mother can be. |
Anonymous
| Forgot to mention something my dad does which is sad, but kind of funny too. I will tell him news like "so and so had a third child." So and so is the daughter of his friend Harry. He will assume I am talking about Harry and that Harry is still young. He may respond something like"wow I had no idea Harry and his wife had another child. Is he still working at IBM or did he take that job with blah blah." Harry retired 10 years ago and hasn't worked at IBM for decades. |
Anonymous
| Oh I have my mom with me right now and I am not even asking for coherent communication, all she does is groan and moan audibly with every move. I mean she constantly make these noises and/or talks loudly to herself (I bet every single thought of her is aloud) literally round the clock, but she has always been like this. She has some nerve pain and has medications, but I wish she would endure the incurable in life a bit more graciously. |
Anonymous
| I think you all are pretty awful. Have some compassion. And if your parents fade, and you have to say the same thing several times, just do it. Without attitude. It will be much easier on you and them. |
Anonymous
| Fwiw I was shocked by the decline in my dad between 75 and 80. At 75, he was preternaturally young and totally self sufficient. By 80 he couldn't live alone any longer. You think it's never going to change but it does. Maybe not st 80 for all, but eventually many elderly parents just can't do what they used to do. It's hard to watch but there is not much you can do to stop the process of aging. |
Anonymous
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Anonymous
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My ILs are in their late 60s and doing well.
My parents are in their late 70s and communicating with them has been hard for several years. My dad will tell me the same story three times over the course of dinner. Neither can hear what I say so I'm always repeating myself. They forget MAJOR things - like being told a cousin passed away. And when we mention that so-and-so is still adjusting to cousin dying, it becomes "no one told me!" Yes, we did... I just remember that someday it will be me forgetting and not being able to hear. |