Not sure what to call this but annoyed and venting...

[Anonymous]

For the first time in 10 years, DH and I paid off all out major credit card debt. It was such an exhilirating feeling. Then, I got the wind knocked out of my sails when I looked at a credit card bill, that was just paid off, that he'd run up to over $3000. I was stunned. It had just been a month and of course I reacted harshly, which is never a good idea with him because he goes into a defensive and defiant mode and resents me checking up on him. I guess the bottom line to me is why is he buying things (i.e., cases of wine, clothes etc.) that are really not necessities. He has an extensive wardrobe, many more clothes than I have. I don't feel like we are on the same page. Once we got debt free, I realized that we have enough "things". Perhaps buying things and getting packages in the mail is exciting to him. We are in good financial health and I want to stay that way. Is anyone else experiencing this frustration with their spouse?

[Anonymous]

That's really tough, OP. I hope he can return some of it. I really like the idea of a budget and it works well in my family, we each have x amount that we can use per month for clothes or entertainment or whatever. If we need more than that we have to check in with each other before we make the purchase. Would that work for you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's really tough, OP. I hope he can return some of it. I really like the idea of a budget and it works well in my family, we each have x amount that we can use per month for clothes or entertainment or whatever. If we need more than that we have to check in with each other before we make the purchase. Would that work for you?

We use this system as well. It works.

But neither of us has plowed through 3 grand in a month on clothes and wine, then gotten annoyed at the other for noticing it. That's pretty huge. So I get the feeling that the OP's husband would either resent being limited to X dollars, or would demand a value of X that is larger than the OP is comfortable with. Then they're right back where they started.

[Anonymous]

Your husband has a spending problem and should seek therapy if he can't take it from you.

[Anonymous]

DH did the same thing to me. We paid off $15k in credit card, a year later I find out he has accrued another $5k which included spending $200 at a restuarant for a friends birthday party.

After that I made him cut up every single credit card he has. What your husband is doing is called financial infidelity and he needs to understand better how it can ruin the trust in a relationship. Maybe watch some Dave Ramsey or Susie Orman episodes together.

[Anonymous]

OP again. I looked closer at the credit card bill and he had put some holiday travel. So, it wasn't all clothes and wine.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he has a bad habit and the opportunity to buy whatever he wants on the Internet in a matter of seconds fuels the bad habit. This is a tough one. $3K is a big bill to generate in a short amount of time. Sounds like it isn't one big purchase-- just purchase after purchase after purchase... yikes. He gets high off it in a way. You need to sit down with him and explain that you don't want to go back to square one financially with yet another massive bill to devote your future to paying off.

[Anonymous]

Why not get yourselves on track and agree to pay off your credit card balance each month?

[Anonymous]

$3K? Ouch. the only time I've put $3K on a card was when I had an unexpected car repair and didn't have the liquid cash to pay for it without raiding my emergency savings. (then I'd pay it off over a couple of months.)

Oh, and once I put a flight to Costa Rice and a hotel on there. But again, paid it off over a couple months.

I can't imagine spending $3K in a month on consumer stuff.

[Anonymous]

OP, I don't blame you one darn bit for being upset about your husband racking up more debt right after you + him worked so hard to pay off all the existing debt. What the heck was he thinking??!!

I think your hubby needs some type of advice on his spending issues. Perhaps a book about money would help him out and if that doesn't work, maybe have him speak to a financial adviser.

After all your progress, I would just hate to see you both back in debt all over again!!

Good Luck.

[Anonymous]

Cancel the joint credit card. Stat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cancel the joint credit card. Stat.

+1

All the budgeting details are good advice but you HAVE to protect your credit since your husband can't be trusted. Maybe that will be the wake-up call he needs to sit down and have a serious talk about money and financial priorities with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:$3K? Ouch. the only time I've put $3K on a card was when I had an unexpected car repair and didn't have the liquid cash to pay for it without raiding my emergency savings. (then I'd pay it off over a couple of months.)

Oh, and once I put a flight to Costa Rice and a hotel on there. But again, paid it off over a couple months.

I can't imagine spending $3K in a month on consumer stuff.

Not OP but thanks for nothing assface. Next time get a one-way ticket to Costa "Rice" and stay there. What an asshole!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband has a spending problem and should seek therapy if he can't take it from you.

Yes. Luxury spending like that is an addiction. My husband and I discuss all big purchases. If the car needs new brakes, I am going to tell him how much it will cost even though clearly it is still going to get done. If you all set a goal to pay off credit card debt and he went and spent like that after, there is something more than financial issues at play.

[Anonymous]

Wait was this holiday travel just for him or for you too? Did he book this trip without you knowing? If not, how were you expecting him to pay for it?

how much of the #K was wine and clothes?