Parents are not always honest about their kids' accomplishments.

[Anonymous]

I have read through these threads and heard so much about brainy, talented kids. I often wonder if these parents are exaggerating.

I have two friends who told me that their dds were reading at 5. When I actually asked their kids to read along with my dd, they both sputtered along like my dd, able to read only half the words.
Another parent told me that her dd was swimming at 4. What she meant was that the child who had previously been afraid of the water would now go into the pool and join a swimming class.

Why do parents do this?

[Anonymous]

Because they are competitive and their lives revolve around their kids. It's probably human nature.

[Anonymous]

These examples don't bother me. They seems like age-appropriate uses of the words "reading" and "swimming." I'd say a 5y.o. who can read half the words in a book, especially if it's one s/he hasn't seen before, is reading, although not reading fluently. And if you told me your 10 y.o. swims, I'd expect to see him propel himself across the pool, but for a 4 y.o., I think being in a class counts as "swimming."

I don't contest the fact that some people do exaggerate, but in cases like this I'd be inclined to give them the benefit of the doubt. Also consider the context. Are these people going on and on about these achievements? Or is saying "she's swimming" shorthand for saying, "It's a been a long struggle, she was terrified before, she wouldn't go in the water before, we're so happy she's finally in a class and learning to put her head in and paddle around with a kickboard"?

[Anonymous]

Oh god, is this news in this area? That parents exaggerate BIG time. It is so sad, mostly b/c I think it will the kids that will feel the crunch of pressure and expectations. Ugh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh god, is this news in this area? That parents exaggerate BIG time. It is so sad, mostly b/c I think it will the kids that will feel the crunch of pressure and expectations. Ugh.

Actually, I may be naive but I am a little relieved at this. I never heard of so many gifted and talented kids until I started reading these boards and, given that I didn't send my child to private school or stay home with her till she was five (and I don't personally know anyone who did), I occasionally have wondered if maybe I had let her down. Thank god I can drop that nagging suspicion that I should have moved to the upper Northwest or MoCo when she was little!

[Anonymous]

A few thoughts (too tired to coordinate into a paragraph):

I think parents are less likely to exaggerate here than in real life--what's the payoff, after all?

People with GT kids (I am not one) may feel that they can speak more freely here about their kids' true accomplishments than with friends & acquaintances. Anonymous strangers may be even faster to label you a braggart than people you know, but their reactions don't affect you.

Given the fact that people post repeatedly in response to different threads, the number of GT kids may seem higher than it actually is.

The number of kids who are labeled GT can depend as much or even more on a school district's policies than on the actual distribution of ability. If MoCo, for ex, defines more kid as GT than another jurisdiction, then you will hear more about GT kids there. That doesn't necessarily mean that the kids are smarter OR that the parents are more prone to brag.

[Anonymous]

These examples don't bother me. They seems like age-appropriate uses of the words "reading" and "swimming." I'd say a 5y.o. who can read half the words in a book, especially if it's one s/he hasn't seen before, is reading, although not reading fluently. And if you told me your 10 y.o. swims, I'd expect to see him propel himself across the pool, but for a 4 y.o., I think being in a class counts as "swimming."

Respectfully disagree, and that's probably just my wallflower nature, but I would never tell anyone that my DS5 was "swimming" or "reading" in the example OP gave. Which is a real situation in our house, actually. DS5 "takes a swim class on Saturdays" and he can "sound out of a lot of words."

The reading thing in particular is one where lots of mommies (not all!) fudge and brag.

[Anonymous]

I'm the poster you quoted, and in these situations I would personally say my child was "starting to read" or " starting to swim," but it wouldn't bother me if someone else said her child was reading. Sounding out words and understanding what they mean is reading in my book. And I still think a lot depends on the specific context and language.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

These examples don't bother me. They seems like age-appropriate uses of the words "reading" and "swimming." I'd say a 5y.o. who can read half the words in a book, especially if it's one s/he hasn't seen before, is reading, although not reading fluently. And if you told me your 10 y.o. swims, I'd expect to see him propel himself across the pool, but for a 4 y.o., I think being in a class counts as "swimming."

Respectfully disagree, and that's probably just my wallflower nature, but I would never tell anyone that my DS5 was "swimming" or "reading" in the example OP gave. Which is a real situation in our house, actually. DS5 "takes a swim class on Saturdays" and he can "sound out of a lot of words."

The reading thing in particular is one where lots of mommies (not all!) fudge and brag.

Agree. I don't know why people fudge on reading. All kids eventually learn to read-- generally in K or 1st, so what's the big deal if they do it early? My child actually does read-- for real-- in Pre-K, but apart from making this point, it's really not what I talk about when people ask about her. Usually it's her great sense of humor. The kid's a riot. It's sad that all of the bragging about "gifted" kids surrounds these ridiculous standardized tests and a few party tricks like early reading. I know socially gifted kids, and ones with the enormous gift of empathy. Kids who always comfort the child who fell down on the play ground. I hope that we project to our children that we are most proud of the things that make them good little human beings.

Oh, and my child doesn't really swim. She takes lessons. Right now she can sort of propel herself independently for 10 feet. That's not swimming in my book, and it doesn't make any difference.

[Anonymous]

I respectfully disagree with most of this thread. I actually haven't found friends or acquaintances to exaggerate about their kids. (Maybe I hang around with a less competitive group, LOL.) Personally, I am always much more wry and lightly deprecating about my child (not in DC's presence, naturally) than I am crowing about his achievements.

Speaking only for myself, DC was in fact truly reading at a very young age, and I never mentioned it at all. (Other people would invariably notice it and comment on it, because it is noticeable when a three-year-old is reading fluently (and yes, DC was literally, by any definition, reading fluently by that time, I am not exaggerating ), but I never brought it up, and in fact would usually hastily change the subject when others remarked upon it.) I have found that most parents who have real gifted kids don't talk about that aspect much at all, because others would see it as bragging. It occurs to me that if someone is bragging, they might possibly be exaggerating, because there is no need to exaggerate tales of of the truly gifted. Just my thoughts, feel feel to disagree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's sad that all of the bragging about "gifted" kids surrounds these ridiculous standardized tests and a few party tricks like early reading.

I don't have a dog in this fight, but I would nonetheless hardly call early reading a "party trick." That term seems demeaning and hostile to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's sad that all of the bragging about "gifted" kids surrounds these ridiculous standardized tests and a few party tricks like early reading.

I don't have a dog in this fight, but I would nonetheless hardly call early reading a "party trick." That term seems demeaning and hostile to me.

Yes, but it sometimes comes off that way. I am not the one who wrote about "party trick", but I agree with her/him.

[Anonymous]

It all starts with "My child was sleeping through the night at __ weeks" - Really? You must be a great parent.

[Anonymous]

I wonder what this does to parents who have kids with true delays. To hear the bragging and exaggerating must be hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It all starts with "My child was sleeping through the night at __ weeks" - Really? You must be a great parent.

Why do we all have to be sensitive? My kids didn't sleep through the night until they were well over 3 (and they still don't always), so these statements always make me wince, but I don't take them as bragging in the absence of further evidence that the poster is trying to say that it's a result of his/her great parenting. When I read about kids who who were reading when they were 2, sure I have that moment of, "why didn't my kid do that?" but if the statement is relevant--e.g., if the poster is providing context for her views in response to a question about GT education--I don't take it as bragging. Not all good news about other kids is bragging!