I Cannot Believe I Relapsed (!!)
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Anonymous
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I dated this guy for a few months back who was not only a total bum, he also was very abusive to me for the duration of our relationship.
I endured it all. Physical (slapping, pushing, biting and kicking), Mental/Emotional (name calling, false accusations, public humiliation) and Financial (taking everything he could from me without reciprocating anything.) It was pure hell and the police were involved multiple times throughout. We broke up and I did very well living my life on my own terms and finding the peace and tranquility that had eluded me in my time with him. However I started getting lonelier and lonelier as time went on and started thinking about him more and more, of course concentrating on the good times we had no matter how far and few between they were. I got an opportunity to house-sit for 2.5 weeks and had this whole beautiful mansion to myself and thought what a great opportunity to re-connect with him since in the past few months he had never made any effort to contact me and had probably changed his ways during that time since it gave him some respite time away. <---- What the hell was I thinking??!! Well, I tried so hard not to call him, I knew I had come a long way since our break up and had made immeasurable progress in my life without him and his misery. It was a day to day struggle not to call him. Then one day, I was too weak and succumbed to temptation....I felt like an addict "falling off the wagon." I felt like I was relapsing. We talked and he was so sweet. Said he missed me, and that he had time to think about things and realized the error of his ways and was sorry for how bad he treated me. His voice sounded so calm and his tone so sincere and he said he was over all the bad activity he once engaged in. So vulnerable AND stupid me invited him back into my life again. Long story short, everything was fine the first 22 hours. Then reality set in. Doesn't it always???? We argued, he accused me of crazy things, he hit me, he destroyed my personal property, he took my money, he used drugs and lied to me over and over. So like in the past, I had to get law enforcement to get him away from me since he never leaves when I tell him to. In fact, he always threatens violence when I ask him to leave. Now he is gone and I am feeling quite relieved and happy. But truth be told, I am uneasy, I do not trust myself. Will I call him in another few months when I get lonely? I feel like I am addicted to this person and it is a constant battle to forget about him and move away from him. I am always afraid of "falling off the wagon" and falling for him. Is it possible for me to be addicted to a person the same way an alcohol or drug addict is addicted ?? Thanks everyone for your input. I cannot talk to anyone in my life about this. No one, no one understands this. Not even me. LOL. |
Anonymous
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Yes, it's possible to be addicted to a person the same way people are addicted to drugs. It's called co-dependency. This book is aimed at friends and families of alcoholics and drug addicts. It might be helpful for you, too:
http://www.amazon.com/Codependent-No-More-Controlling-Yourself/dp/0894864025/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1383934522&sr=8-1&keywords=codependent+no+more Good luck, OP! |
Anonymous
Thank you so much!! I have heard of the term Co-Dependency, but have never explored what it means. I will most definitely look into this. 
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Anonymous
| Did you post about this person on here? |
Anonymous
Another poster that recommends this book! I was in a similar position years ago (though never physically abused) and it took him doing the worst possible thing to me for me to be able to finally cut him out of my life forever- don't wait for something like that to happen... find the strength you need to keep yourself from contacting this guy ever again. In the end, when I finally got some perspective that hardest part was not about forgiving him for being so bad, it was ignoring what in my gut I knew to be harmful behavior in continuing to have that person in my life, don't waste anymore time hurting yourself OP! Best of luck to you |
Anonymous
| This story and writing style sounds so very familiar. |
Anonymous
| OP - Be prepared to explain to your employer why the police were called to the mansion. Don't expect to be invited back. |
Anonymous
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Delete him, OP. Delete him from your phone. Delete him from your email, your Facebook, whatever you use.
Also, how long of a time period did all this happen. It sounds like you were with him for a few months, then you broke up for a few months. Sometimes a few months isn't even long enough to get over a break up that doesn't end with the cops showing up. Maybe you SHOULD be telling someone in your life about this situation, so that you have somewhere to go if you start feeling like you want to call him again (which, again, should be really difficult, if you get rid of his number and contact information). |
Anonymous
| Omg. Sounds like me at 19. |
Anonymous
| This can be a very dangerous, even deadly addiction. Give yourself something positive to think about when you are feeling weak. Find support (EAP at work or counseling). |
Anonymous
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"This story and writing style sounds so very familiar."
Yep! It's the Relationship Forum Pot Stirrer, again. The Harlequin style of writing gives it away! |
Anonymous
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OP was this the guy living in his mom's basement or something like that? Stole money for you/made you pay for everything and was abusive? Just trying to remember your posts if that is you.
If that is you and you've semi-relapsed in the past, this time ENGAGE friends. Get them involved. When you feel weak, call one of them. If he tries to get a hold of you, call them. Start having a life of your own and you'll find that you don't want to be around him. But most importantly, delete any contact info you have for him. Contact your service provider and have his number blocked. If you can't do these two things, you have major issues that a book isn't going to help |
Anonymous
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Get yourself to a CODA or SLA mtg asap. Or get into therapy. Or both.
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Anonymous
| OP - Did you hit your sister last year around Thanksgiving? |
Anonymous
HA! I forgot about that thread |