my relative is a fabulist

[Anonymous]

My relative just makes shit up. Her main genre is family history, but given the extent of her fiction in that area she is probably fictionalizing a lot more than I realize.

It's embarrassing. I have repeated her stories as legit. Mostly people don't have any way to judge, but later I realize I've been a fool to have believed. I also find her disregard for truth disturbing and troubling in its implications.

Does anybody else have this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My relative just makes shit up. Her main genre is family history, but given the extent of her fiction in that area she is probably fictionalizing a lot more than I realize.

It's embarrassing. I have repeated her stories as legit. Mostly people don't have any way to judge, but later I realize I've been a fool to have believed. I also find her disregard for truth disturbing and troubling in its implications.

Does anybody else have this?

My mother.

[Anonymous]

Both my mother and sister. Love learning a new word for it, though thanks. It sucks, doesn't it?

Trust me, people reciting history by their own terms does not actually rewrite it. People do realize what happened. If they do not, correct them. They will know who to believe.

[Anonymous]

OP here. why do they do it? Is it glamour? drama? excitement? wth are they thinking?

You can never talk frankly with somebody who makes shit up, ykwim? and if they tell you about some great grandmother or aunty, could be completely make believe instead of informative family history. So disappointing.

[Anonymous]

DH and I visited his grandmother during her final year in a nursing home. Other than his aunts (her daughters), we were the only ones in a large, local family who visited her more than once in an entire year. His grandmother enjoyed seeing DD every Sunday, as did a number of residents of the nursing home.

Grandma talked most freely during her final year and shattered a lot of longtime family lore, which was turned out to be totally fabricated, self serving bullshit.

[Anonymous]

It's hard to tell from your post whether they are actively lying or whether their version of events differs from yours. There are huge fights in my family when someone tells a "family story" because one person doesn't remember it that way.

[Anonymous]

5:07 - said the fabulist.

OP, I know where you are coming from, unfortunately. It is unpleasant, but try not to focus on what they are doing. They are self serving and everyone knows it. PP here.

I have a sibling that is so jealous of others in our family, he takes on THEIR lives and experiences. Which is probably above and beyond what you are saying, hopefully. Others see through it. No one can speak for you or your experiences, no one can be you. But I completely understand your frustration.

He also rewrites history in a way that he is always (always) the hero. For example, scholarships or some other BS he wants to be true. It is comical, because it is so obvious. It doesn't matter if it was last year or forty years ago. In his mind, he is the hero every last time. Which strikes me as sad, given that he makes such an effort, he must realize (subconsciously or otherwise) the opposite is true.

I am assuming the stories involve you?

[Anonymous]

Op here. At least in this person's instance she has told stories about our heritage that are invented, about family connections to various famous figures that are untrue. Just recently I looked into another story about the founding of a famous company a forebear was supposedly involved in - happened in a different state and under a completely different scenario than her version. She's making shit up. It sounded so plausible too. There was a lot of detail in her version like she had really looked into it.

No none of the stories involve me, or any current events. Though there are some kind of unbelievable tales about childhood, but nothing that smears any individual. It isn't about stirring.

I'd be willing to grant leeway if it was just versions of what grandpa thought about this or that, or where great-grandma acquired that figurine on the shelf.

[Anonymous]

Are people asking you to verify? If not, I wouldn't worry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. At least in this person's instance she has told stories about our heritage that are invented, about family connections to various famous figures that are untrue. Just recently I looked into another story about the founding of a famous company a forebear was supposedly involved in - happened in a different state and under a completely different scenario than her version. She's making shit up. It sounded so plausible too. There was a lot of detail in her version like she had really looked into it.

No none of the stories involve me, or any current events. Though there are some kind of unbelievable tales about childhood, but nothing that smears any individual. It isn't about stirring.

I'd be willing to grant leeway if it was just versions of what grandpa thought about this or that, or where great-grandma acquired that figurine on the shelf.

OP, for many folks this would just be annoying, or even kind of amusing stuff that can roll off your back. But you clearly care deeply about having the family history be accurate.

So...do it for yourself. If it matters to you this deeply what a great-great forebear truly did or did not do, then become a genealogist yourself, if that interests you. Do NOT do it just to spite this relative, though, or you are expending energy just to be spiteful; do it only if you really find you are interested in it, and not to "set the record straight." If you plan to do your own research just so you can come back at her tales with, "Well, I know the truth!" every time -- you'll just create a ton of family stress. And that would make you as much responsible for the drama as she is.

Do your own history if it's the history that matters to you. Ignore her if the real issue is that you are just pissed at her. You're investing a lot of energy and anger in a situation that, while annoying, does not really harm anyone now living or sully the reputations of those now dead.

[Anonymous]

My MIL makes stuff up just to keep the conversation going. Seriously, it's strange, and it means that I don't trust 90 percent of what she says. But she's nice, so whatever. I just let it slide, because it's not malicious and doesn't really matter.

If the exaggerations or stories aren't true, who does that hurt? Do your own research if it matters to you, and accept that this is who the person is.