I am finally getting help!

[Anonymous]

I finally went to a therapist and was able to talk about my abusive marriage. Been married 10 years and never told a soul. It's been pure hell. DH is emotionally abusive and occasionally breaks things in a fit of anger. We do have kids and things are complicated but it felt so good just to talk to someone. Totally worth the $$$$$. There is hope.

[Anonymous]

Good for you OP. I'm glad to hear it. I hope he gets help too, because he's the only one who can change this.

[Anonymous]

I am so glad you are getting it out.

[Anonymous]

Yikes! If you DH won't get help or if you guys cant respectfully communicate, run for the hills! My ex did that crap and never once apologized, self-reflected or thought he ever did anything wrong. I spent years in therapy getting it out, wondering why I felt so shitty and had really low self-esteem. It's cuz my ex was constantly negative towards me. Leaving was the best thing I did for myself. And now I have a positive view of myself. It's taken a lot of work but getting that negative thought pattern out of my head has been worth every part of moving out and moving on. My ex will never change - took me a long long time to figure that out. But so glad I did!!!

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for the kind responses. I am working on a plan to get out while still hoping that H will realize his ways and make some changes. I am having some trouble acknowledging that the fault lies with H and not with me. So much of what we hear about marriage is its a two way street and that we need to work together but in our case I know H is truly the one who needs to change. It just sound so selfish to say that. I am just so tired of being told how stupid and selfish and worthless I am. I'm tired of every event and every holiday being spoiled. I'm tired of having convoluted conversations. I'm just so glad to at least have someone to talk to.

[Anonymous]

You are having trouble seeing the fault lies with him because he has changed the way you think about yourself. Being told over and over over again that your stupid, worthless etc will certainty do that. It absolutely changed the way I thought. I felt guilty as hell leaving and seeing the ripple affect on my young daughter but you know what, a happy mom is a good mom. I tell people all the time - if I had stayed longer, I'm sure I would've died in that house. My parents could see the stress I was under.

It's not selfish to say you deserve to be treated with respect. That's your right as a human being. It's SOOOO Hard to see when you are in the middle of it, but believe it. Absolutely no shame in sticking up for yourself and knowing that you derserve much much much better. I did what you did for 2 years - hoping the ex would change or work to keep our family together at least for the sake of our daughter. He never did. Probably never will. To this day he still blames me.

Working on yourself in therapy to bring your self-esteem back is a great step in the right direction. Just know that the focus is on yourself. If the H doesn't come to the table for therapy, he has nothing to do with it.

A very wise woman told me this - The significant relationships in our lives will not always be perfect, but they should always be honest, respectful, and free of bullying, mind games, and anxiety. We should always know where we stand. True that!!!!

Does he know you are going?

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks 16:24 I really appreciate your thoughtful comments and I will be giving those things a lot of thought. As for the therapy, H believes that I am going to therapy for depression.

[Anonymous]

Good for you OP!!!

I just got out of a relationship where my S/O was VERY emotionally abusive to me and he also broke many many of my prized possessions. He broke things that were important to me and that were hard to replace.
I am just starting to get my life back together and will make it on my own.

I also have started therapy.
We can do this!!