Every weekend is horrible

[Anonymous]

We have 10-month old twins and our weekends are just miserable. Our kids are great, but taking care of them, plus grocery shopping, cooking, household chores, etc, is completely exhausting and soul-sucking. (DH and I both work full time so weekends are the only time for all this.) The stress of it is bringing out all our other stresses (and there are many; DH hates his job, we need to move but can't find a house that makes sense) and by Sunday night, we basically end up despising each other.

I can't see any way out of this cycle. We have thought about a regular date night but honestly, most Saturday nights we are so tired that I think it would feel like a burden to have to go out and try to have fun.

Advice?

[Anonymous]

1. Go to bed.
2. Having a baby is hard on your marriage.
3. Having two babies at the same time is harder.
4. It will get better, don't worry about date nights or whatever, just rest and take care of your babies and be nicer to each other. Taking care of the babies will get easier too, particularly when they are a wee bit more independent- moving on their own more, feeding themselves, etc.
5. Give each other some space/ a break on the weekends so you don't want to kill each other by Sunday night.
6. Plan on giving the babies to your parents one weekend, maybe around 12 months? And rest at that time. It will give you something to look forward to.
7. Go to bed.

[Anonymous]

I don't know your financial situation, but in this stage of your lives with your twins, you need to outservice as much as possible. This means hiring help, sending out the laundry, getting someone to do the lawn, the housecleaning, ordering grocery delivery from Peapod, not cooking (ordering food or getting takeout) and structuring your lives with activities so that you have only one main activity per weekend day. You really can't do more than that. Accept that. This will be your life for about a year until your twins are sleeping well, are mobile, and are toilet trained. You CANNOT do more.

[Anonymous]

Hire help!

I've secretly always wanted to be a personal assistant to help people with small children get their weekend chores done.

A cleaning service and grocery delivery is a good start.

[Anonymous]

It gets better! At this age, the babies need you for everything, plus the worry of what will they get into that can hurt them. By 2, they will have mastered steps and can feed themselves. By three, they'll be out of diapers. Depending on what type of person you and your DH are, these ages are funner. Some people love the baby stage, bu I loved when they can talk and really play.
We tied some errands into coming home from work - one gets groceries, the other gets the children. Also try doing one chore before bed - like clean he master bath on Tuesday vice the weekend. Relax some standards for the next year, and just do what is necessary.
As the other PPs have stated, having children is a huge relationship strain. Eventually you'll figure out what works for you.

[Anonymous]

Hire someone to clean every 2 weeks. Do whatever you need to do--it is the best money you can spend on your marriage.

[Anonymous]

It will get much better as the twins get older - you are still in the trenches at 10 months. And since they are twins they will become more independent and go to school at the same time, which will help. These early years are hard on a marriage!
Is there any way you and DH can take day off but keep kids in day care/with nanny. I find that I'm more able to enjoy "date days" than "date nights" because I'm less tired and it feels good to have a whole day with DH to do whatever we please - take a walk, get coffee, have sex, heck even grocery shop, which can actually be fun without kids in tow.

[Anonymous]

It does get better!

Agreed- hire help.

Get a sitter and take walks. You need some exercise, too.

DH is your partner-in-parenting! Remind each other of that when times are Tough.

You will survive!

[Anonymous]

You guys are still in major survival mode, especially with twins!

Outsource as much as you can, simplify as much as you can (ex. nothing wrong with scrambled eggs and toast for dinner = takes two minutes to make). Do "date afternoons" or "date brunch" on Sunday mornings, so you spend time together when you have a little energy, instead of waiting until Saturday night. You could even occasionally get a babysitter and then do errands together, if you want to be dull but efficient.

When you feel cranky by Sunday evening, each go off and do your own thing (my DH listens to music while I'm in the tv room watching something). If your jobs allow it, meet up for lunch once a week to have some extra dates.

[Anonymous]

It seems like the "way out" of this cycle is "time." Hang in there!

[Anonymous]

Skip the date night and take a joint day off during the work week when the babies are at day care. Make this your relax and have some fun day. It makes the weekends more bearable when you're not spending the entire time wishing for a bit of relaxation like the "good old days" before kids.

[Anonymous]

Oh man. Such a tough age.

We took a pact that we wouldn't do anything rash (relationship-wise) until our kids were all 3+. It probably will be tough for you for another year or two. But it WILL get better!!!

Please outsource as much of the chores as you can - no doubt. Don't worry about the small stuff - laundry sitting, dishes in the sink, etc. Do that stuff when you can - or better yet, outsource! Hire a babysitter or ask family to watch the babies on the weekends every now and then to get a break. Give each other individual breaks.

Don't worry - it will get better eventually!!

[Anonymous]

have groceries delivered (Giant Peapod), hire a cleaning service, do tag-team parenting where one of you has the kids for an hour than you switch.

also look into family activities like the playground where the kids can burn off energy

[Anonymous]

Just remember, this time doesn't last forever. I remember well, when you are in it, it feels like having children ruined your life (I know, I know, you love them, wouldn't trade them, etc.). But it really does pass before you know it.

I counted the months until I got my youngest out of FT daycare. That's $1600 a month I couldn't afford. But I paid it for my two kids, for a total of a decade. That decade seemed like it would never pass. Well, now it has passed.

This too shall pass. Meanwhile, do not get pregnant again!

[Anonymous]

My husband and I don't have to do pick up from the nanny until 5:30pm. We work an extra couple of hours (staggered) during the week & come 3pm on Friday, we go to happy hour for a drink and some apps. It's cheap, we're not missing any "family" time or paying for a babysitter. Give it a shot!