Did you like/not like going to college really far away?

[Anonymous]

My DD is looking at colleges on the west coast. She has always been very independent and mature. And we have always allowed her a good degree of independence. But now that the idea of her being so far away is getting more "real," I am starting to get nervous. While she loves the schools, even she has said (just once), "I'm not really sure I want to be so far away." Part of it is that the back and forth trips we've made (3 trips out to look at colleges) have made us realize just how far away she'd be - an entire day spent traveling in each direction. I would hate to discourage her independence and her chance to attend a great school/good fit.... but I am just nervous about us all handling not seeing each other for random weekend visits home. Trips would likely only occur on long school breaks. Does anyone have any input on what it is like to go to college really far away, or to send a child off that far away? Thanks!

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't do it.
My kids will go to the closest university.

Kids want to go far so they can slut around, end up pregnant then have an abortion.

Read the other threads.

[Anonymous]

It's going to be okay. You and DD will get used to it. She will grow up and become more self-reliant. You guys can always Skype.

[Anonymous]

Grew up in Mass, went to school in Ohio. I absolutely loved it and have not regretted it once. I really grew up and learned how to be self sufficient (although I was very independent at home as well). I feel like I had a much better freshman year then my friends who stayed close by and still hung out with the same people as high school and all of that.

I really can't think of any negatives. I loved flying by myself, I loved spending 3 day weekends with friends who lived close by instead of going home. I could go on and on.

Oh and no pregnancy scares at all

[Anonymous]

Obviously it depends on the child. I am having a hard time encouraging my homebody to look out of state!

I went to school 6 hours away and only went home for long breaks, but I chose an out of state school because it was much better than the in state options and had a particular program that was not available anywhere closer to home.

I find it hard to believe that given the wealth of great schools in this area and up and down the East Coast, not to mention the Midwest, that the only good fit for your DD is in California. Does she want to go there because she loves the weather, or the culture, and do you see these as valid reasons for choosing a school? Is the additional cost of several plane fares per year a relevant factor for you? How will her long absences affect your relationship, and her relationship with siblings? Does she want to live/work on the West Coast after graduation? Because it seems more likely that she will. She is also more likely to meet and marry someone from that part of the country.

I think if you have talked through all of these issues and she has good reasons for preferring a West Coast school, and you think the extra expense is justified, then go for it. Just as easy to get pregnant at State U as in California!!

[Anonymous]

I went to school in the Midwest. It worked out well. I flew home for vacations. There was only one emergency trip in 4 years -for a family funeral. My DC goes close by (2 hours). We see her a little bit more than I saw my parents but it's not that different.

[Anonymous]

I went to college on the opposite coast and loved it. It really fed my independence. From the day I started, I did not look back. I always felt that the many, many kids who were 2 hours away from Mom and Dad were really missing out on the independent, adult experience that college can be.

Ignore 21:30. He/she is a pig.

[Anonymous]

Went to school halfway across the country and it was the best decision I ever made. Loved it, never got homesick, went home only for Christmas and summers (and then only 2 of them). It was an important part of growing up and becoming independent. Loved the freedom of realizing I could make my own decisions without parents breathing down my back. Being in a different part of the country, with students from all over, also was a great learning experience.

My mom tried hard to convince me to stay close by and I resented her interference. With my own children I will encourage them to go where they want (that they get into and we can afford).

[Anonymous]

I only went to college 4 hrs driving away from home, and in one semester only came home twice and one of those times was for a funeral. There were no random weekends of going home. Same thing for my sister. She was also 4 hrs from home, an hour from me, and we only got together once or twice a semester. We were busy with our new friends nd new activities.

[Anonymous]

Think you might not see DC that much even if she went to school closer to home. They are young adults with lives of their own. There will be lots of new things to explore and lots of new people to meet and hang out with.

[Anonymous]

Grew up in MA and went to Stanford. Best decision I ever made. Not just because the school was what it was, but I wanted to get away from home and my somewhat acrimoniously divorced parents. Even that aside, for me, I was going to put tons of pressure on myself no matter where I was, and I figured (and it was true) that being in the better weather in CA would at least emiliorate the extra stress of dealing with the cold weather, long winters, etc of college in the northeast. I also (once I was there) really appreciated the greater diversity of the student body. Finally, it was a great way to experience a different part of the country I was never going to live in otherwise. I figured if I hated it I would have a lot of options to transfer back east. Oh, and it was kind of cool to be a little unique to be from somewhere that not everyone else was from.

[Anonymous]

I grew up in New England and went to college in the south. I liked the experience of being far from home and was rarely homesick. I think it was educational to live in a different part of the country. I was a real culture shock for me at first. (I'm not sure it would be today; the world seems much smaller now.) I only went home at Thanksgiving, Christmas, and summer break. I never went home for spring break. I thought it was fine.

My mom, OTOH, didn't like it (although she didn't really share that with me). And I stayed in the south after college. So I left home at 18 and basically never went back except for vacations. I think my mom feels that acutely. She has never said so, but I think she wishes I had gone to school in the northeast, that perhaps that would have made more likely to end up permanently n the northeast.

As for me, I've been happy, but a part of me also wishes I'd settled in NE. Especially as I've gotten older, I miss my family.

So I have mixed feelings about this issue wrt my own kids. I will say that we have ruled out west coast/mountain schools due to the expense of travel and because that is just too damn far IMO.

[Anonymous]

Grew up in California and came east for college. I had a great college experience, but, honestly, I missed my family. DH grew up in Michigan and also came east for college; he feels the same way. Our older kids attend/ed a school 4 hours away from home and we feel like that's the perfect distance. While they never come home for random weekends, we do go visit a couple of times each semester. It's great to be able to attend sports events or just take them and a few friends out to dinner once in a while. (A disclaimer of sorts, though -- their school is in NYC, so we'd go up occasionally even if they weren't there.)

[Anonymous]

CA colleges have a different feel and may be a better match. After visiting so many gloomy cold New England schools, the year round sunniness of the Claremont Colleges definitely seemed appealing.

I went to school only several hours from home but still only came home for Thanksgiving, Winter break and spring break. It wold never have occurred to me to come home on some random weekend. And my parents never came to visit me. However, given who our DC is I can see wanting to check in at some point.

There are pros and cons.

[Anonymous]

Grew up in Rockville. Went to Richard Montgomery. Got a full scholarship to Georgetown. It made financial sense to go. The good was that I was a bus/metro ride from home if I wanted a home cooked meal. The downside was that my HS bf didn't go to college and we continued to date. That meant that I missed a lot in the college social life. I regret going to school so close to home.