Feel like expectations are unfair re: chores and state of the house
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Anonymous
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Parent 1: works from home full time, travels at least 2-3 overnights a month, sometimes as long as a week at a time. Does all yard work, does all finances
Parent 2: stays home with 5 yo (preschool 3 afternoons) 2 year old Watches 10 month old 4 days/week, worked at night 2 nights/week Does all housework, shopping etc. With 3 small children at home most of the week P2 is overwhelmed with keeping up with the housework. First level is kept presentable (vaccumed/dusted/floors and bathroom cleaned) it is a constant battle each and everyday to just keep the first level picked up and cleaned. Second level is a mess, clothes in laundry baskets not put away, only gets dusted/vaccumed when it becomes unbearable, bathrooms cleaned more regularly than everything else. P1 feels P2 should have the whole house clean and orderly all of the time. P2 would love for the house to be clean 100% of the time but just does not see how it is possible without some type of help Thoughts? Suggestions? Advice? Thanks |
Anonymous
| Ha, your house sounds fine. I thought maybe this post was from my dh (SAHD) because I get a bit miffed when the old food bowls, diapers and dirty clothes are all over the family room when I get home. Your house sounds pristine compared to the mess I come home to. |
Anonymous
| P2 should leave P1 with kids for at least 3 days and see how it goes. Report back. |
Anonymous
+1 Then hire a housekeeper to come twice a month! |
Anonymous
Yes! Have him take off work for a week, stay home with kids, and see how he likes it. Person one sounds like a jerk. You are taking care if three kids but expected to keep the house spotless?? |
Anonymous
| We can't keep the whole house spotless with one kid (who is in school all day) and two parents who are around every day (one who works from home!). |
Anonymous
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I'm a SAHM of 4 kids ages 6, 4, 3 and 1.
We used to have a playroom downstairs and then I got rid of it. I went through all toys and let the kids PICK which things they wanted and now it is all in their rooms. We have the cube organizers with baskets and I labeled with picture labels what toy goes where. During the day, the upstairs is a total disaster, however, when it's time or bed the kids must pick up their rooms. They put their toys away, hang up their towels, put dirty clothes in their basket in the laundry room and have to hang up their towels. They also pick out their clothes for the next day. Of course, the 1 year old doesn't do any of that but will when she is about 3. At night, I work hard folding laundry and put clean clothes outside of the kids doors. In the mornings, while the kids get themselves dressed, I put the clean clothes away. While the kids are eating breakfast downstairs, I run upstairs and make beds/wipe down sinks. Our downstairs has stayed much more put together since I got rid of the playroom. I felt like I walked in to Toys R Us every. single. day. I tried the whole "toys must stay in the playroom" battle and that didn't work. I needed to change something. The following things are a daily battle downstairs: kids shoes, backpacks, coats-- I'd like them to all put them up but the moment they walk in they kick everything off. The kitchen stays a mess until after I put the kids to bed. Why constantly clean up the kitchen when I mess it up at least 3 times a day? All of that to say: A routine helps. Write out the days of the week and split the chores up but keep certain tasks daily. For example, every day I make beds, wips down sinks and vacuum/sweep the downstairs and wash dishes/wipe down table/counters. On top of those tasks, I will tackle one other large cleaning item per day. So, Monday, I clean all bathrooms including the floors in the bathrooms. Tuesday, I dust including baseboards and ceiling fans. Wednesday, I mop kitchen floors and hardwoods downstairs. Thursday, I catch up on remaining laundry. Friday-Sunday: Nothing. Regardless of whatever schedule you make, if P1 is on board with you staying at home and values you raising children, then they wouldn't be so worried about the house. You aren't a Maid-- you are a Mother. The problem here really isn't that P1 wants a clean house. The problem is that he doesn't value what you're doing. |
Anonymous
+2 This might sound like a joke, but sometimes this is the ONLY way to let your family know how much work you're doing. I vividly remember my mom going away for a week when I was 11 or 12 and realizing just how much picking up she'd been doing for us. My dad was surprised too. Plan 3-5 days away to visit family, go to the spa, see old girlfriends, or fulfill your dream of a solo cruise (not too expensive and it's impossible to be reached for non-emergency "needs") and let P1 manage the household. I suspect s/he will consider themselves both enlightened and grateful upon your return. |
Anonymous
| Wait, what? Are you P1 OP? Do I understand correctly that P2 cares for three small children during the day (including one baby she babysits?) PLUS works 2 nights a week PLUS all housework and cooking? And you just work a normal schedule, rake, and do the bills? And you c |
Anonymous
| ... And you complain that the house isn't clean? Gtfo. |
Anonymous
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OP here, thanks for the thoughts
I am P2 in the equation pp Yeah I guess I just feel my house is too far one and I do not have dedicated time to get things other than the immediate first floor cleaned. So this past weekend I asked my mom to take the kids and I deep cleaned 2 1/2 of the bedrooms upstairs, got all laundry put away, etc. she offered to take them the next 2 Sundays sonincan try to get the house done. I am taking pp with the 4 kids advice and moving some of the kids toys upstairs. Now that they are clean I can organize some toys in baskets on their shelves and they can help pick up before bed I mean I feel like I'm bashing my DH a bit cause he really is a good guy, works hard, plays with the kids etc but he just doesn't clean for shit and I just can't be expected to do everything. |
Anonymous
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I think it's ok for him to expect you to basically pick up after yourself and the kids during the day, but some of the stuff like bathroom cleaning is going to be hard/impossible to do with 3-4 kids running around. Maybe he could clean one bathroom per week and you could clean the other, and each adult is responsible for their own laundry?
I only have one kid, but I have a full-time job and I'm a single mom who has to do everything. (house, yard.) I deal with laundry as follows: I have 5 laundry baskets, 2 of which stay in the laundry area and 3 of which start out stacked upstairs. All laundry gets thrown in the top upstairs basket and when one is full, I take it down and sort it into one of the two baskets in the laundry area. When one laundry area basket gets full, I do a load or two. (I separate out by color - dark or light.) Then the clean laundry is laid flat in a basket until I have time to fold it. I either do that while watching TV at night, or while supervising my daughter's bathtime. (she's 5.) I'll sit right outside the open bathroom door and fold laundry on the floor while she plays with her toys - can usually fold a basket's worth while she plays, then I wash her hair and we're done. I'll put the laundry away that night or when I'm getting ready in the morning. |
Anonymous
| get a cleaning service. don't force your DH to become a beta guy or you'll soon be back here posting about wanting a FWB to regain that missing excitement in your marriage. |
Anonymous
Throw in the dog hair, and it's ours, too. You guys sound busy, and it seems kind of like you're BOTH doing a decent job. |
Anonymous
| Cleaning lady. |