Prenupt/Marital Agreement - Do you have one and thoughts on getting one
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Anonymous
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Now that we're married it's called a marital agreement but it's basically the same as a prenupt. We've discussed getting one and we're generally in agreement on what is fair and I'm wondering if we should formalize our agreement. I've heard several variations of the "don't plan for the marriage to fail" and "you should know the person you marry well enough" etc. so I'll pre-emptively provide my response to that. Statistically the frequency of divorce is high so I think it would be foolish for us to assume it couldn't happen. After all, ask anyone who is divorced if they thought it would happen at the time they got married and hopefully they'd say no. In addition, reading several of the threads on divorce and people on both sides can become monsters during a divorce so just because someone is reasonable now doesn't mean they would be if things don't work out. We're both in it for the long run but recognize that unfortunately sometimes things don't work out even for the best of us. Maybe in some ways its like car insurance where you hope you never have to use it.
The pros would be eliminating uncertainty in the event of divorce as you never know what a judge will decide which is huge for us. I think/hope it would also reduce attorney expenses/litigation costs because you have a formal agreement. The only negative I can see is the cost although I'm not really sure what it would be for a basic prenupt. It might increase the likelihood of divorce by making it logistically easier for either of us to walk away but I'm not sure if this is a pro or a con as this the logistical difficulty of a divorce isn't a great reason for two people to stay together. This board has given me a lot of helpful input on other issues so I'm hoping you guys have some thoughtful insights on either pros or cons or your experience with such an agreement. |
Anonymous
| We got one before we got married. Worth it for the peace of mind for both of us. We live in a community property state, but I would think a prenup is more valuable in a separate property state since there is far less of a default rule. |
Anonymous
| My husband is 11 years older than me and came into our marriage with more assets (stock, retirement savings, real estate, etc.) so it made sense for us. Our prenup basically just made it clear that anything we had before the marriage belonged to us individually (listed real estate, brokerage accounts, bank accounts, etc. to be kept separate) - this was our only aim in creating the prenup. We're both of the opinion that anything earned/obtained during our marriage would be split equally. |
Anonymous
If you don't mind me asking, approximately how much were the lawyer fees? Did you prepare/draft any of it yourself or just bring the terms to the lawyer and have them draft it? |
Anonymous
| Wouldn't you each need a lawyer? Seems hard for one lawyer to represent both of you, since the premise of the agreement is you will be separating. |
Anonymous
OP here, yes I believe that's correct although most of the fees will be incurred by the lawyer drafting the agreement. I assume the fees for the lawyer advising the other party won't be that much as we're in agreement on the substance of the terms. |
Anonymous
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We do not have one. We met when we were in lawschool and both had astronomical debt. We have accumulated our wealth together.
If that is not your case, I can't really help you. Did one person come to union much wealthier than the other? If not, that would be a problem for me. It would seem that at least one person has one foot already out the door. |
Anonymous
OP here, I disagree. You date someone for say, 2 - 8 years, and then commit for life. People change over time and if either party decides they're no longer happy and, with or without fault of the other party those differences can't be resolved, then you're dealing with a potentially messy divorce. While you can commit yourself to doing everything to making it work, you can't force the other person to maintain that commitment. Since it can happen due to things outside of your control I don't think it's fair to assume either party has one foot out the door. Also, whether you accumulated your wealth together or not only relates to the substantive provisions of who gets what and suggests a 50/50 split is appropriate. That doesn't address the main point that if things were to go bad there's no guarantee the judge would feel the same way. |
Anonymous
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I wish I had one. Divorce is ugly and brings out the worst in people. I made more money and had more worth than did the ex. Cost us both over 15k in lawyers fees to get a divorce-will never do it again. Get the prenup.
Oh, and just found out that he was cheating with his secretary, original, huh? |
Anonymous
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Hell no, I would never sign one.
DH and I share. |
Anonymous
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I think if one or both partners has significant assets pre marriage, considerable family wealth, or children from prior relationships-I think they can make a lot if sense.
We had none if those conditions, so we didn't. |
Anonymous
| GET ONE! i spent over $40k for a congenial divorce. plus it's a good way for everyone to get out what each other's expectations are of each other. you don't want to be negotiating during Crazy Time. |
Anonymous
| My trust actually required I have one, so I do. I don't feel like it was planning for the marriage to fail at all. |
Anonymous
| No, we don't. I wouldn't marry someone if I felt the need to protect myself from him. And I wouldn't marry someone who felt the need to protect himself from me. |
Anonymous
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Neither of us had two pennies to rub together when we got married straight out of grad school, so no.
However, if one of us had significant pre-existing assets, we would have one, and I would have no problems signing it. |