My parents are having an affair

[Anonymous]

Divorced 20 years now. Started dating when they were 14. Broke up several times - very up and down relationship. Married after college. Divorced after 24 years and he remarried a few years later. Dad and stepmom have never had a good relationship (common factor in both my dad's marriages is him no being a good husband). They are basically roommates and always have been. They just both like having someone to do things with but they don't treat each other well. My mom and dad apparently had an emotional affair that started a couple of years after he remarried. My mom has always regretted the divorce and has always "wanted her family back together." I've always thought the continued hot/cold between my parents was because my mom could sometimes handle being friendly/civil with my dad because of her kids and grand kids and sometimes couldn't. I didn't realize it was because of the on/off emotional affair aspect. These periods of
time when they were secretly talking all the time having conversations a married man shouldn't be having with his ex-wife. The off part would come when he'd suddenly go cold or she'd push him to leave my stepmom.

So after nearly 20 years of this, they apparently became intimate again this year. It was short lived because my dad refuses to divorce and my mom refuses to sneak around. He says he won't divorce because she'll get too much of the money and he won't be able to leave enough to us kids and the grand kids. To which I think, so what, we're doing just fine on our own. I suspect he also feels like he would give up some of his lifestyle if she got too much money. He grew up poor and worked very hard for his business and wants to enjoy the lifestyle he has now. I also suspect he would also feel ashamed of a second divorce.

Ugh, this seems like such a soap opera but it's my life. I'm not even sure how to process it all

[Anonymous]

Sorry, OP. This sounds very messy. Scenarios like this are always so hard on the children - doesn't matter how old you are. No advice, just sympathy.

[Anonymous]

OP, your story sounds similar to my in-laws. One of my BILs gets involved in the drama of it all, the rest of the siblings, my husband included, have their heads in the sand. We completely stay out of it. If either parent tries to engage my husband in discussing their business, he shuts it down very quickly. The worst part about it is now my kids are starting to ask questions. They are pre-teens and were exposed to it over the summer during a visit.

Good luck on finding some avoidance tactics.

[Anonymous]

"So after nearly 20 years of this, they apparently became intimate again this year. It was short lived because my dad refuses to divorce and my mom refuses to sneak around."

Yes, it's hard to face that your father is a cheater and your mother was his whore.

[Anonymous]

Wasn't this a movie with Meryl Streep?

[Anonymous]

Meh. Just ignore it. It's their private life. They're handling things fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"So after nearly 20 years of this, they apparently became intimate again this year. It was short lived because my dad refuses to divorce and my mom refuses to sneak around."

Yes, it's hard to face that your father is a cheater and your mother was his whore.

Wow, you're even more crass than greasy butt crack sprinkled with cornstarch.

I'm sorry OP, it's sound very crazy and high drama. Any way you can try and stay out of this? It sounds stressful and maybe you should try and step back from having an active relationship with them. And if your siblings call or anyone calls and wants to discuss - gently change the topic to avoid the toxicness of the situation. Doesn't sound like much has changed over the years so there's no need to keep on top of the situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wasn't this a movie with Meryl Streep?

YUP! Troll post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wasn't this a movie with Meryl Streep?

YUP! Troll post.

I guarantee you it's not a troll post. Why even make up a story like this? It's not like its a topic that's going to start a 20 page war. Trust me, I'm living this soap opera right now

[Anonymous]

Why would you ever come to know these things? Is your mother telling you? Boundaries, boundaries are your friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why would you ever come to know these things? Is your mother telling you? Boundaries, boundaries are your friend.

I could tell she was in a very bad place emotionally and finally got her to tell me why

[Anonymous]

Geez, you are all up in their sex life. Back off and let them live their life. Who cares where the old man decides to put his dick. Just be happy he can still get it up. Go dad!

[Anonymous]

YOur Dad is having his cake and eating it too! It's apparent that no one should WANT to live with him (both his marriages were a wreck) and your Mom should be the first one to know this. She would only be miserable again if he came back - you said yourself he's not a good husband.

I would LOVE if my DH lived in someone else's house, dropping his shit everywhere, dominating their thermostat, farting in their kitchen - only to show up when I called for a bootie call! It's every independent woman's fantasy.