Got a job- 6 months pregnant. Nervous about "the talk" about leave

[Anonymous]

This isn't really a question but I've been desperately trying to get a job in my field since going back to school. I landed something this week, just a week after the initial interviews. I had 2 panel interviews (6 people total) and I was just as obviously showing from that week to now. I figured most/some would know that I was pregnant and I was right, I think 3 of them didn't realize.

I've spoken to HR to ensure the next steps and because I don't qualify for any legal protections the terms of my leave are up to the arrangement I make with the department and HR will just facilitate any necessary paper work. I know the leave will be unpaid (due end Jan) but I really plan to ask for the 12 weeks "standard" of FMLA.

This board has been SO helpful when I've felt down and hopeless about not having a good enough network and getting nothing after 70 applications so I am hoping for any moral support/suggestions you have.

My immediate supervisor (who is actually more a peer, just the chain of command has us in a funky hierarchy- university job so it kind of explains the wacky bureaucracy- is really supportive and I think is expecting the 12 week request) but I have no idea what the directors are thinking.

I plan to jump back in full time (hours are flexible which is great) after 12 weeks and really start to build something so I can actually have a career I like someday, not just my old dead-end legal job.

But I am scared about the "ask". I don't know what I am going to do if they come back with "we can give you 6 weeks". I'm a FTM, my family is a half day drive away, DH family is further. Parents aren't retired. The salary is paltry- so its not the $, its the opportunity to start something instead of what feels like taking myself out of the game permanently (I have a gap due to school and living internationally).

[Anonymous]

Slick, very slick, OP.

[Anonymous]

You act like an adult, discuss your plans for maternity leave with your manager, and hope for the best. Yes, they may tell you can take only 6 weeks or 8 or whatever. But, as a brand new pregnant employee, you have to be prepared for that. I started my job pregnant and ended up taking 9 weeks of leave. Clearly not ideal. But, that is what was offered and that is what I accepted. I knew frankly that I was putting them out by accepting a job while pregnant and I was thankful to have the job.

If you end up taking a short leave, I highly recommend you get a nanny, at least for the very early infant phase. Although most daycares will take kids as young as 6 weeks...it is not ideal.

You had to have known all the "risks" (ie, a really short leave) when applying and accepting, correct. So don't whine about it.

[Anonymous]

You need to strike the balance between being firm about your needs but NOT entitled. I'm not saying you come off this way in your OP but I have seen this at my job. We had a new and junior employee (not as new as you would be) ask to have a telework arrangement 2-3 days/week (when no one in the office had such an arragnement) when she returned from ML. This is after we offered her 4 months (unpaid) leave which she was not entitled to under DC FLMA because she hadn't been here long enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to strike the balance between being firm about your needs but NOT entitled. I'm not saying you come off this way in your OP but I have seen this at my job. We had a new and junior employee (not as new as you would be) ask to have a telework arrangement 2-3 days/week (when no one in the office had such an arragnement) when she returned from ML. This is after we offered her 4 months (unpaid) leave which she was not entitled to under DC FLMA because she hadn't been here long enough.

I see nothing wrong with her asking this. Expecting it, yes. Asking, no. Someone has to be the first to ask.

[Anonymous]

If you aren't prepared to accept 6 weeks, you might have to back out of the job. It would be generous of them to agree to 12 weeks.

[Anonymous]

Is this your first child? if so you may not jump back in.

[Anonymous]

Op here. I don't think I'm "whining" I'm just nervous about it. I'm a people pleaser type and that carries
Over with my work. Its too late to back out of the job since in interviewed, was hired and started in the span of about 8 calendar days

I don't have any expectations or feel entitled to anything. I'm aware of the law of course. I plan n to jump back
In even though its my first bc if they don't then basically I will have far too long a gap and too little experience
In my field to possibly ever be able to get in. I know as ftm its going to be hard.

[Anonymous]

You could also look at 8 weeks and then come back part time for 4 weeks or something like that.

[Anonymous]

You should confidently and unapoligetically ask for the full 12 weeks. Of course you're not entitled to it but you should view yourself as an asset to the organization and one that is worth waiting an extra few weeks for. If they don't grant your request, fine. Then you can reassess. But certainly don't feel bad or worry about asking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to strike the balance between being firm about your needs but NOT entitled. I'm not saying you come off this way in your OP but I have seen this at my job. We had a new and junior employee (not as new as you would be) ask to have a telework arrangement 2-3 days/week (when no one in the office had such an arragnement) when she returned from ML. This is after we offered her 4 months (unpaid) leave which she was not entitled to under DC FLMA because she hadn't been here long enough.

I see nothing wrong with her asking this. Expecting it, yes. Asking, no. Someone has to be the first to ask.

She was shocked when we said no. And very upset.

[Anonymous]

Your first mistake was taking the job without negotiating leave.

Now you have no leverage. If you ask for 12 and they come back with 6 or 8, ask for 10. If they are firm then you don't have a choice. That said, 12 weeks is a very long time even for a FTM. By 10 weeks I was more than ready to go back to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your first mistake was taking the job without negotiating leave.

Now you have no leverage. If you ask for 12 and they come back with 6 or 8, ask for 10. If they are firm then you don't have a choice. That said, 12 weeks is a very long time even for a FTM. By 10 weeks I was more than ready to go back to work.

Thanks for this- it kind of happened really quickly and I had been unemployed and looking for about 7 months so I just jumped and was attending a conference meeting the next day!

Maybe for others reading this though- anyone care to elaborate on exactly how a person might phrase the leave negotiation? Say you get the "we would like to hire you" call and they tell you the offer letter is being sent to your email. Do you tell them on the phone? Wait until the letter is in your inbox?

Just tips on HOW to do this might help others who are reading.

I've decided to just get down to doing a good job and then not lose sleep about any future hypothetical decisions until I am faced with them- we will have to talk about it in the next month anyway. Its just odd for us- DH and I grew up in really humble kind of households, the concept of having to choose to keep a job, etc based on factors other than necessity and money are foreign to us

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm not sure whether you've actually started yet. If you have, I think that the key thing going into the ask is to have a clear plan for how your work will be managed during your leave. (And I don't mean, Susie can do X and Jon can do Y--make it a plan for how YOU can set things up so that the organization's mission can be met in your absence.) You may have to put in extra hours now to finish up short-term projects, and offer to do some work from home during your leave (at the very least, keeping up with relevant trade publications & checking your email). Don't make them do the work of figuring out how to cope without you.

It's possible that the process of planning a 12-week leave will show you that the organization really will suffer if you're gone that long. If that's the case, be upfront, acknowledging that an absence beyond week x will make things difficult for your new colleagues. Be available to brainstorm with your superiors about ways around these problems, but be realistc that you might not get as much time as you'd like.

(And congrats on the pregnancy and the jb!)

[Anonymous]

It's really as simple as they call and give you a verbal offer. You thank them for the generous offer and them ask for some additional benefits to be put in the offer. Namely, you are 6 months pregnant and desire 12 weeks of unpaid leave. They may say they personally can't negotiate that and transfer you to HR. Or they may negotiate on the spot with you.