Pre-Sept. Birthday vs. Baby spacing

[Anonymous]

Was wondering any thoughts on planning for child-spacing versus trying to have a 2nd child before the September 1st school cut off.
After trying for 4 months, and missing the pre-September window, I am now wondering if we should keep trying to have our kids 2.5 years apart or just wait several months before trying again to not feel so bad about trying for a 2nd child born in October or November. My experience so far is that it has been hard to find pre-2 year old programs other than a full time daycare option. Since I work part-time I have some flexibility on having my kids go to school part-time. Any thoughts? Am I stressing about having a kid born in October or Nov. too much? And worried about the cost of keeping them in school 1 year longer than waiting for a spring baby where I wouldn't have to?

[Anonymous]

Conceiving children is not so precise you can predict when it will happen. I think you are stressing WAY too much over this.

[Anonymous]

This is a ridiculous question. You either want a child or you don't. If you do want one, then the month that the child is born in shouldn't matter one bit. In the grand scheme of things, paying for care for an extra few months is nothing. If you only want to try for a limited period to ensure that your child is born at a particular time, your chances of getting pregnant are going to decrease.

[Anonymous]

It doesn't help a worried person to be told she's ridiculous. Be nice.

[Anonymous]

It doesnt hurt to think about school timing, now that you are knowledgeable about the system's quirks (I too have thought about it), but at the same time, my advice as one who has had to do IVF to get preg w/#1 and has had two m/c this year trying for #2.... dont over think it too much and just let nature take its course!

BTW - the probs of finding a program for a 2 yr old will be outweighed by their thrill of being the first in their group of friends to get a drivers license!

[Anonymous]

PP was a lot nicer about it- I have heard this before from people who take 'family planning:" to a literal level- and want a date in mind. Life is about changes- you can;t control this. if you base your expectations on when you have this child you will resent them possibly- and it I think ridiculous (yea- we can share our opinions here). Many women are just fortunate to get pregnant- I had issues and have two miracles- do i regret the month they were born? No. i really only met one person who was like this and she was a control freak-just focus on what you want- a baby or a baby born on a month? please grow up before having this second child- yea-i';ll get comments on this i am sure!

[Anonymous]

PP, I think you are spot on. I have a child who was born in November and I NEVER thought about it being problematic.
I don't know whether to take offense at the PP's idea about having a baby born in *gasp* November or chalking it up to another mind blowing post on DCUM.
This is such a minor thing in the grand scheme of things.
I also have a friend who's a teacher and tried to 'schedule' getting pregnant around her summer breaks. Worked for the first baby but for #2, had several miscarriages; now she's finally pregnant with #2 and happy to be having a baby.

[Anonymous]

Poster here - Thank you all for your thoughts. It is what I needed to hear to keep trying after m/c this fall.
And in 5 years, who knows if the September 1st cut off will still be in effect.

[Anonymous]

Get real! Shouldn't you be more concerned about conceiving a healthy child? Yes, it's responsible to ensure you are ready emotionally and financially to have a child, but planning an unborn child's potential birthdate to the exact day (or how about minute)?!

This is the type of question that makes me want to completely give up on this board and question why some of you even have children at all (because society expects you to)? It seems in DC the concept of parenting is all about precise scheduling to ensure your life will be so much easier, convenient over the long run and relatively unchanged? That's not what being a parent is about. How will you handle life's unexpected twists as your child grows? Schedule a meeting?

Despite I think this question is indeed utterly ridiculous, I am responding to this since as I have twin boys with late September birthdays, who miss the Sept 1st cut off by 3 weeks.They will be the oldest in their school class. So, yes, it's inconvenient to wait another year to send them to kindergarten and it's very expensive for me just sending them to school. But, big deal! Lighten up and use your common sense.

I never expected to have twins (we didn't use IVF) and get pregnant so quickly, but if I have another child with an autumn birthday, I'll just be thankful that I have another healthy child. You should to.

[Anonymous]

Agree with the PP 100%.

[Anonymous]

Give the OP a break. I don't think it's ridiculous to think about when you're second will be born. There are many variables to consider - mother's age and fertility, age gap or spacing, time of year, etc. I remember once someone posted about what season is the best for a newborn and many moms responded saying that they were really glad that their child was born in the spring. It's true that we can't control everything and we shouldn't, but I think it's okay to think about these things and make some considered and informed decisions. I'm sure many of us thought about when would be an ideal time to get pregnant with the first child, i.e., after at least a year of marriage, before/after promotion, etc. It's really no different from what the OP was asking about.

[Anonymous]

20:10 PP here. As someone who actually has something in common with the OP --a miscarriage and kids wtih a Sept birthday-- I felt compelled to strongly question the OP. The OP's question was about her yet to be conceived child's school entrance and disadvantages of an autumn birthday. If you've had a miscarriage like the OP and me, would it really matter what is the exact MONTH you are due to give birth?? Wouldn't you just be happy to have a child at all? (she wasn't asking about preferable age differences of siblings). She specifically said she was considering delaying conceiving due to her concerns with an autumn birthday and school entrance.

If you've had difficulties conceiving, throwing in questions re. the effects of an autumn birthday makes everything more needlessly stressful and emotional.
To the PP, you can not equate a job promotion and infertility. They are just NOT the same things.

[Anonymous]

You guys need to relax. The judgmental nature of some people here never ceases to amaze me.

For ME, it wouldn't be an issue.

But why scold this woman for doing what amounts to "family planning"? She had some difficulty in the past getting care for a 2 year old... why SHOULDN'T that experience be one (of many) factors she considers in determining when to shoot for with her second child?

OP, like some others have said, I think in the grand scheme, I wouldn't worry about it... but you should feel entitled to have your children at times you think are good for you and your family. Frankly, I think considering these types of issues makes you responsible and thoughtful... not crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is the type of question that makes me want to completely give up on this board

Please do.

[Anonymous]

Well, I have two boys - one born in early Oct and the other early Nov. I consider it a good thing. I think people are being a little harsh, but I kinda agree with them. There are a lot of really important worries in a parent's life. This is NOT one of them.