It is my fault

[Anonymous]

I had a baby with a man who has secrets. He has been amazing since I got pregnant and adores his little girl. We have a very happy home life. No fighting. Laughter. Love. But he texts other women. I know he is not physical with them, but he does talk about sex with his ex girlfriends. I have a different moral code that I live by, but he is also a man. All men are like this right? Since I chose this life, and I don't want to have my daughter grow up in a broken home do I just sit around and accept this as my new life since it is in the best interest of my little girl. I certainly would not know what he was doing if I didn't go through his phone. I am just super paranoid of him actually doing the physical deed so I keep checking on that because I don't want to catch an STD. I just don't know what to do. I read countless articles about how you should stay together as long as you are not fighting because it is in the best interest of child. I don't want her to suffer because of my mistakes. I am just not sure how I can just turn off my snooping. Every time I snoop I end up in tears for days. I am sure you wouldn't have gotten yourself into this situation, but what would you do if you were me?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a baby with a man who has secrets. He has been amazing since I got pregnant and adores his little girl. We have a very happy home life. No fighting. Laughter. Love. But he texts other women. I know he is not physical with them, but he does talk about sex with his ex girlfriends. I have a different moral code that I live by, but he is also a man. All men are like this right? Since I chose this life, and I don't want to have my daughter grow up in a broken home do I just sit around and accept this as my new life since it is in the best interest of my little girl. I certainly would not know what he was doing if I didn't go through his phone. I am just super paranoid of him actually doing the physical deed so I keep checking on that because I don't want to catch an STD. I just don't know what to do. I read countless articles about how you should stay together as long as you are not fighting because it is in the best interest of child. I don't want her to suffer because of my mistakes. I am just not sure how I can just turn off my snooping. Every time I snoop I end up in tears for days. I am sure you wouldn't have gotten yourself into this situation, but what would you do if you were me?

I am not a troll BTW.

[Anonymous]

Are you married to him?

No all men are not like this. Some men and some women are like this.

Why did you label your post It is my fault? That sounds like you are playing victim / martyr.

He doesn't respect you. If he doesn't respect you, he may text now until that is boring, but what is to stop him from doing more with other women?

[Anonymous]

I am not the victim. I did this to myself. It is my fault. I chose him. I knew. He wants to get married...he keeps pressing me for a day.

[Anonymous]

If you aren't happy now, don't get married. You did make plenty of mistakes (sorry, that is reality) don't make another by becoming even more entangled with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not the victim. I did this to myself. It is my fault. I chose him. I knew. He wants to get married...he keeps pressing me for a day.

You sound immature

[Anonymous]

I see the martyr-ness that PP is talking about.

You made your bed - now lay in it and try to minimize the complaints. You'll be unhappy but this is what you wanted. Right?

Maybe this is your idea of what a relationship should be and that's ok if you're ok with it. Seems like you are not happy though.

You can walk away and try to find happiness. Kids model their behaviors after their parents. What were your parents like? You can break the cycle. It's possible.

[Anonymous]

You didn't do it to yourself. You said he had secrets. That means you didn't know about it. He pulled an old bait and switch. Tell him to stop. It's unacceptable.

[Anonymous]

I know you want what's best for your daughter, but your suffering for years with this man isn't going to help your little girl. She will be happiest if you are happy. You could try sharing your genuine thoughts with your partner, even if it might lead to some fights, and see how you are able to resolve things as a couple. You say you have a happy home life without fighting, but it is a false happiness if it is maintained only by your concealing your true thoughts and feelings.

[Anonymous]

Not all men are like this. Also, you suggest that it is better for your daughter to grow up in a home where her father does not respect her mother. That is false. I suspect, though, that you probably end up with a similar man even if you leave. Sounds like you are not smart with your choices.

[Anonymous]

Not sure how old you are but please leave the situation before he ruins your life any more than he has now that you have a kid (no offense to the kid).

My mom was in your situation just accepting a cheating husband (bc her old school parents told her he was just being a man blah blah) - well it didn't work out in the end anyway and sadly she wasted her entire youth/looks trying to keep the marriage together. She really wasted her life and is now single and having trouble finding a partner in her 50's.

Just end it now, it won't be easy but will be worth it in the end when you find someone that respects you. No, all men do not cheat and do not let anyone tell you otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not the victim. I did this to myself. It is my fault. I chose him. I knew. He wants to get married...he keeps pressing me for a day.

You sound immature

When it comes to relationships I am co-dependent and clearly have issues with self-esteem stemming from obesity and a horrific childhood full of physical and emotional abuse. I am not immature, just broken. I am not longer obese, but now that I do feel I could take a stand and leave...should I? Is that really what is in the best interest of my little girl. There is no abuse and like I said...Home life is perfect. I wouldn't even know what is going on, but I snoop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You didn't do it to yourself. You said he had secrets. That means you didn't know about it. He pulled an old bait and switch. Tell him to stop. It's unacceptable.

Tell him to stop? Yep, that will work.

[Anonymous]

OP, if you think that all men are like this (as you mentioned in your post), then you've got a lot of growing up to do. Unfortunately, you have a kid now so you need to grow up fast. Please don't tell your daughter that all men are like this...that's the worst thing you can pass down to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know you want what's best for your daughter, but your suffering for years with this man isn't going to help your little girl. She will be happiest if you are happy. You could try sharing your genuine thoughts with your partner, even if it might lead to some fights, and see how you are able to resolve things as a couple. You say you have a happy home life without fighting, but it is a false happiness if it is maintained only by your concealing your true thoughts and feelings.

OP Here....this is very true. I will have to do this.

I have already made a plan B. I feel so shitty. I had NO father, and my relationships with men have never been healthy. My mom's husband dies and she immediately moved in another low life @ 53 years old. I don't want to keep this cycle going, and I just don't know where to turn to for help.