ADHD Hubby

[Anonymous]

Any tips on living with an ADHD partner? Oy. Love him to death but omg...sometimes it gets a little overwhelming. It shouldn't be my responsibility to finish all his projects and clean up all his messes! I already have toddlers for that!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any tips on living with an ADHD partner? Oy. Love him to death but omg...sometimes it gets a little overwhelming. It shouldn't be my responsibility to finish all his projects and clean up all his messes! I already have toddlers for that!

My wife has ADHD and never finishes anything or else takes too long to get the simplest things done. It is exhausting as I find myself doing well over 50% of the HH and kids stuff. And then she complains about being tired or too busy.

[Anonymous]

There is treatment for ADD/ADHD.

[Anonymous]

make a room or two in the house that is his. Let him be as messy as he wants in these rooms and never ever clean them. Then, if he is messy anywhere else in the house, scream bloody murder.

[Anonymous]

sign of for an ADHD and marriage forum. get a few books. beg your husband to see a psychiatrist or ADHD specialist. Drugs may help. Lower your standards. deep breaths. Stop enabling where you can (a lot of places where you can't without threatening finacial well being, kids, etc--I know, I'm there). Figure out what tasks your husband can do and ask him to execute so that the burden is not all on you (DH can't do anything involving organiziation/ planning/finances. THus, he is the one to execute all immediate, simple tasks: go to grocery store now; go to hardware store now; fold this laundry; wash these dishes; take kids to park until 4 so I get all the other crap done, etc).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:make a room or two in the house that is his. Let him be as messy as he wants in these rooms and never ever clean them. Then, if he is messy anywhere else in the house, scream bloody murder.

Exactly!!! My ADHD (untreated) DH has his 'mancave' and the shed/workshop-I stay out and don't care what crap he's got in there. He knows if he leaves crap elsewhere in the house, I'm gonna toss it

[Anonymous]

Try living next door to an ADHD couple, with all ADHD children.... Their house is literally falling apart around them while they watch TV.

[Anonymous]

Tips? You knew what you married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tips? You knew what you married.

You're an ignorant twat.

Even a person with ADHD who knows they have it is going to have a steep learning curve in a relationship.

People like you should really shut the fuck up. Alot.

[Anonymous]

Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses. Divide up the household responsibilities along those lines so you both share the household responsibilities. My DH is good at fixing things, taking care of the yard, doing dishes, and cleaning the bathrooms so those are his normal chores. I juggle carpooling kids, making meals, doing the shopping, doing the laundry, paying the bills, etc.

I agree with the PPs who suggested giving your DH his space to do his thing. If he keeps it messy, I'm ok as long as the door is closed so I don't have to see it. In the rest of the house, everyone lives by if you use it you put it away.

Written reminders help a lot - calendars, lists, notes - so DH doesn't forget what he needs to do and when.

Having special places for important things - My DH has a bowl for his keys, wallet and work badge. He has gotten in the habit of putting his stuff there as soon as he comes home and it makes it easier to find when he is leaving the house.

[Anonymous]

Aren't all men ADHD??!! Just sayin'..........................

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tips? You knew what you married.

This really is ignorant. There was no such thing when we got married.

[Anonymous]

Tips? You knew what you married.




This really is ignorant. There was no such thing when we got married.

also, things change when you have kids. Responsibilities that weren't part of dating become crucial--someone's ability to schedule, plan, organize, multitask, deal with kids are not always apparent when its two 20 somethings in a rented apartment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Tips? You knew what you married.




This really is ignorant. There was no such thing when we got married.

also, things change when you have kids. Responsibilities that weren't part of dating become crucial--someone's ability to schedule, plan, organize, multitask, deal with kids are not always apparent when its two 20 somethings in a rented apartment.

+1000

THANK YOU. My husbands ADD was NOT at all apparent when he was 28. Now he is 48 and depression and rage have kicked in. It is all related somehow, in his case, and in many cases.

OP- there are spouse of ADD support groups. Read all you can about ADD. Is hubby willing to be diagnosed and try strategies at least before trying meds, if he is unwilling to take meds? There are some good books like Driven to Distraction that are good resources from learning what its like to HAVE add.

Be forwarned that you will receive little to no empathy from you DH regarding how frustrating this is to you. They dont tend to be able to see it. It can make YOU crazy.

In my case, stress over time began to crush our marriage because his rage outbursts and inability to cope with ordinary things (yet he is very good at his job) has strained things to almost beyond repair. OP- DONT LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOU. Educate yourself, educate DH, encourage him to educate himself. This has implications for your kids, as you know.

Be good to yourself to keep yourself sane, that is the most important tip. Choose your battles. Be willing to make lists of exactly what you need DH to do if he cant seem to figure it out. VERY FRUSTRATING. But you are FAR from alone,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Aren't all men ADHD??!! Just sayin'..........................

No. But certain male/female patterns of interaction can mask the ADD of the husband. OR the wife.