Is being a nanny a turn-off?
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Anonymous
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My boyfriend and I have been dating for three years. He has brought up many times, my career choice. I am a FT nanny, and have been for almost ten years.
I love my job and feel fulfilled and excited by it- I work for a warm, loving family, make $65k/year, have no debt- and no worries. He feels it's an unambitious job, no career growth, etc-- The thing is, I do see where he's coming from and I'm not offended by what he says- but I'm just not a career-oriented person. I put money away for retirement, paid of my car, and am saving for a home, and I am happy. Am I missing something? |
Anonymous
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what does he do?
I certainly would not advise, in this economy, going into debt to go to school for another career when you are currently debt free and making 65,000 a year! |
Anonymous
| 65k a year is great money for the time being, especially given the fact that you don't have a degree. Maybe he is naturally attracted to people with a bit more ambition in their careers? You are debt free which is wonderful - but you can't "climb the corporate ladder" as a nanny. There are no promotions, and your raises are measured in dollars per hour not thousands of dollars per year. Maybe he's simply turned off at the fact that you could be the best nanny in the whole world, but you'll never really be "rewarded" for it in a corporate sense. This is a pretty big deal and I'd definitely want to delve a bit deeper into the issue if I were you. If you being a career nanny is going to be a serious problem for him- he may not be the one. |
Anonymous
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He makes $30k a year working in a medical office. Plans to go back to school in 2 years even though he has $90k in debt already.
Yes, I'm being an ass by making it sound so bad. |
Anonymous
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OP here (and at 16:18).
I am not, and won't ever be corporate minded. I do have a BA in psychology, but never pursued anything with it. I really don't know if I will be a nanny forever, or maybe just another few years- I just love what I do, at this moment. |
Anonymous
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Sounds like a problem of priorities, honestly. It sounds like he is concerned with the apparent lack of prestige in your job. Some people really care about that. Many people consider "nanny" to be a stepping stone job, rather than a career. Your boyfriend will probably not be the only person you ever encounter who holds this belief, sadly.
It sounds to me like you've got a job that makes you happy and pays well enough that you are able to support yourself and advance yourself financially. Someone who has been with you for 3 years should know you well enough to know what your priorities in life are. If yours and his do not match up, do yourself a favor and end it now. |
Anonymous
| OP, some people just aren't ambitious (like me and you), and it's very important to choose someone who admires you as is and doesn't harp on you to change. My father nagged my mom nonstop until she divorced him the year I left home. You make a very decent salary. Don't second-guess yourself. |
Anonymous
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how old are you guys? did you meet in college?
what graduate degree is he planning to get? |
Anonymous
| 65k a year? You are living in a fantasy world I hope you saved. |
Anonymous
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I don't think you are missing anything OP. But perhaps he is thinking about the future with kids? What does he make? Does he work long hours? Is he worried that between your two incomes that a future might be difficult? Or that when you have kids, you'll either want to SAH (which maybe he doesn't want that type of wife) or your income will barely cover child care? Or that he'll have to work crazy hours in order to provide money for a family?
Or maybe he's just an asshole who doesn't want to have to tell people his wife is a nanny. |
Anonymous
| Men LOVED that I was a nanny because it meant I love and am good with kids. |
Anonymous
This sounds like it is his concern then. Think if the tables were flipped and you were dating someone who said "I don't know if I want to be in this job forever. But I don't really want to work in a corporate setting. I don't really know what I want to do in the future." You'd be concerned about settling down with someone like that and marrying them/having a family. If I was a betting person, I'd bet that this is his big concern, not the nanny title. |
Anonymous
OP here. What does this mean? |
Anonymous
OP here. Oh, you are absolutely right. And I know that's not a great attribute of mine. I've always had a good work ethic, and always will, and I've been in the same career for ten years now- which I think says a lot. Many people who are in the corporate world have switched careers two or three times. I think the problem with mine, although I've been here a while, is that the skills aren't too transferable. |
Anonymous
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OP, 16:30 here, I understand where you are coming from, but also totally understand where your boyfriend is coming from. I don't think it has anything to do with the fact that you're a nanny. If you were a psychologist and had that same attitude, I think he'd be reacting the same way.
Maybe it is time to think what it is you love about your job. Is it working with kids? Is it the (mostly) one on one experience? The nurturing? I think if you can identify what you love about being a nanny, you can think about possible permanent positions. With a BA in psych, you could go on to be a social worker, a licensed therapist, a counselor, work in the school setting...a number of things. But I don't really blame your boyfriend for being concerned. I think he is probably thinking about the future and marriage and children and probably not too thrilled with the idea that you seem to have your future career and income totally up in the air. |