Using a GC/Need help finding a clinic, they keep turning me down!

[Anonymous]

I don't know where to go with this and am hoping you all can help. I have been lucky (I guess that's the word) in that my family has not had fertility issues. But pregnancy is seriously complicated for me. There are risks: stillbirth, hospital bedrest, extreme preemie, etc. Pregnancy is a nightmare, but technically it is possible. Because my last pregnancy was so completely horrible, painful and emotionally traumatizing not just for me, but also for my family, my husband and I have decided to use a GC. We're not wealthy by any means, solidly middle class, but we have scraped and sold our house and miraculously raised the money to do IVF several times and hire a GC. We want another child.

I have been terribly naive about this process. I started calling clinics this week and THREE have said they will not work with us because our reasons for using a GC are not serious enough. I haven't even been able to speak with the REs about it. I had no clue that clinics might turn us away. So I'm devastated and scrambling.

Does anyone know of a clinic, anywhere on the east coast that will let you use a GC, "just because". Although we think our reasons are incredibly valid! I guess our reasons aren't serious enough for the docs.

We were turned down at Genetics & IVF, Shady Grove, and CCRM.

Thank you

[Anonymous]

Try GW Medical Faculty Associates. I think they are reasonable.

[Anonymous]

Try Columbia fertility associates. Meet with dr sacks.

[Anonymous]

Ummm maybe you can elaborate on "just because"? You see... All those risks of stillbirth, bedrest, preemie... They are still there even if you use a GC. They do NOT go away. Now, if you have a medical condition making carrying to term unlikely, then you are correct that you are at least dropping your odds- but there is ALWAYS a chance. Maybe you have some emotional issues surrounding pregnancy that either a theorist can assist with or if you are last that point maybe he/she can act as a "referral" to a clinic.

Do you have a GC already?

[Anonymous]

Columbia Fertility, Dr. Abbasi. She tends to work with older women and more recurrent problems. I know she works with couples who have used GC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Columbia Fertility, Dr. Abbasi. She tends to work with older women and more recurrent problems. I know she works with couples who have used GC.

Plus 1

[Anonymous]

Have your tried therapy? Asking someone else to go thorough all of the for you "just because" sounds like you could have some issues. Clinics don't want to be caught in the middle of what might turn into a huge mess and/or legal battle.

There are ethical issues around putting someone else through the risks for what isn't a medical reason.

Do you have an attorney? He or she should be able to help you find the right clinic. If you don't have an attorney, stop everything you're doing and find one.

[Anonymous]

Also, clinics will (most likely) make you do psych consults as part of their gestational surrogacy program. It's pretty standard for all the big clinics.

[Anonymous]

FYI - technically, surrogacy is illegal in DC. So I don't know how much GW will be able to help you. I also have a pregnancy condition that is technically survivable but I have absolutely ZERO wish to endure ever again. My last pregnancy put me in the hospital repeatedly and left me with permanent, albeit minor, physical damage. The OBs I've seen seem to shrug it off as almost a cost of doing business. Like I don't matter at all. It's appalling.

Anyway, we found a clinic overseas on the recommendation of some gay friends who had their kids with the same clinic. Way more affordable. The biggest downside has been the lack of communication and the anxiety that comes with not knowing what's going on or what the plan is. That's been much harder than I expected. I'd still much rather deal with this than with US clinics though. You'll spend twice the cost of your medical care on lawyers here.