How would you feel if...
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Anonymous
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Haven't seen my sister in 4 years, she's met my child once and did not travel to see us.
Suddenly, during her divorce she wants to come visit. I want to welcome her with open arms, but I am wary that its been so long and it takes a nasty divorce for her to come. |
Anonymous
| Has her husband been abusive (trying to isolate her)? |
Anonymous
No, she just always had excuses. |
Anonymous
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I would feel the same way. I would try to be there for her. You can be a little guarded with it but I think if you want to have any type of relationship with her, you don't want to shut her out during a difficult time.
At some point you can have a conversation with her about your feelings, but if things are particularly difficult for her at this moment, I would wait for a better time to bring up your issues. If you find yourself getting resentful and bitter about it, I think its better to talk about it sooner rather than later. Does she make any effort even though she doesn't actually visit? I think I would have the hardest time if my sibling didn't seem interested or embrace my child. |
Anonymous
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I saw this play out somewhat with my parents. My mom's family was/is much tighter knit than my dad's family- growing up we were with our mom's siblings and parents much, much more than with my dad's (albeit I think this has to do more with my grandparents on my father's side being kind of less caring) and my dad's relationship with his sister all throughout their raising kids was loving but just more distant, less face time etc (being less than 45 minutes away too).
After my parents divorced, it became the catalyst for a closer sibling relationship there. I am sure there were probably a bit of hurt feelings "Oh, I'm worth the time now that you don't have your bigger/more fun/ blah blah in law family" but I think they just focused on the present and got very close over the last 15 years. I see my cousins on that side now every holiday season (not on actual holidays because of timing) and a lot has to do with that closeness that came from divorce. |
Anonymous
| Welcome her with open arms and let your daughter get to know her aunt. Life is too short to keep people you care about at a distance. |
Anonymous
| 4 years is not that long if you live far away...Travelling is expensive. Many people get limited vacation time each year. Have you travelled to visit her in these 4 years? I say - welcome her and have a nice visit. |
Anonymous
| Yes, be guarded but let her back in. Maybe her relationship messed her up - you'll soon find out. But, be guarded. I echo PP - life is too short. |
Anonymous
| Hmmm. It sounds like you have only traveled to see her once in past 4 yrs. I would welcome here to visit and see how it goes - don't bank on deepening the relationship, but don't turn away from the possibility either. |
Anonymous
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My sister and I were pregnant at the same time, but she had a miscarriage and I delivered a healthy baby girl. She did not come to my baby shower, and she was distant from me, and my daughter, for years, even during family gatherings, until she had a daughter of her own.
A year after that, she wrote me a letter apologizing and explaining that she couldn't see my happiness beyond her hurt. It meant the world to me and we are closer than ever. Just try. |
Anonymous
| It's family. Always make time for family. |
Anonymous
| Maybe she'll acknowledge the rift. |
Anonymous
| It doesn't matter the reason. She's your sister and reached out for you. Don't question it and don't resent her for it. Just live in the present. |
Anonymous
This is very positive. I am a cynic, glass-is-half-empty kind of person, but she is your sister, and this may the start of a close relationship. |
Anonymous
| Maybe her husband didn't care for you? Give her a chance! |