Advice for what to do about Cub Scouts and my HFA son
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Anonymous
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Hi my son with HFA fully participated in cub scouts last year at his school, the key to his success despite not being able to socially handle other extracurricular activities in past was a really nice Den leader who understood his quirks and always found a way for him to fit in. He was so happy and proud of himself last year and actually made 2 good friends.
This year, the group is alot different--only 2 kids his grade and a big group of kids 2 years older. The meetings are more integrated bigger group and the leaders does alot of pairing of the older and younger scouts which my son finds very stressful. Basically, he just isn't enjoying going that much this year and I can see why. I am really torn on whether I reach out to leader to try some more inclusion ideas, or to just let it go and help him find another activity he enjoys. I am so worn out with helping him with school on daily basis and just the usual challenges of autism that I'm inclined to just let this go, although I saw how great it was for him last year. Before every meeting he is crying and saying he doesn't want to go although usually afterward he says he is glad he went. Anyone else out there been there? Sometimes I just wish even these simple fun things were easier for my son. I'll be honest its STILL hard for me sometimes to see see so clearly how different my son is in social settings. After several years I keep thinking I've got the hang of autism parenting and then my son will have a bad or particularly embarrasing episode or meltdown experience and realize again how much more challenging parenting is for me than some others. Other parents sitting around chatting relaxing and I'm on the edge of my seat on eggshells that a meldown is imminent. What would you do? Welcome any thoughts. |
Anonymous
| If you think that some accommodations will help your kid enjoy it again, I'd talk to the leader. If you think he's not enjoying of because the demographics of the group have changed (ie the older kids) I'd ask him if be wants to continue to go and follow his lead. I hear you on bring tired from life - it is often one step forward, two steps back. Ultimately, this is cub scouts and if you're son won't miss participating it's not worth a lot of angst imho. Hang in there. |
Anonymous
| If the new troop isn't a good fit (which is sounds like it isnt) why not look for a new troop? Perhaps one with more kids in your sons grade. |
Anonymous
| I'm going to talk to the leader to provide special accomodations for ds because he's not having a lot of fun. Helicopter parent. |
Anonymous
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Scouts is a great place for a HFA kid. There are many troops. I would look around to see if there was another one that fit better. When my boys were in Cub Scouts, we had two or three boys from neighboring schools in our troop because our troop was a better fit.
When our HFA DC moved on to Scouts we looked at several troop and found one the fit better than the one his Cub Scout troop normally goes to. He was Eagle last spring as a sophomore. We know several boys who changed troops for the better. Sometimes the mix of kids just doesn't work even for NT children. Last year was the first year he felt comfortable enough to go on camping trips without a parent coming too. So, it can take time. He went to Northern Tier without a parent last summer and had a great time. In the first years, it was difficult to see how the other boys naturally fit in and that DC stuck out like a sore thumb, but HFA kids need to be out there in activities and trying. THe more activities the more social interactions, the better. It is hard to find those "safe places" and scouts can be one. WE have had friends fins the LDS troops to be extremely accommodating and really get the HFA kid. We are UU and if DC's current troop did not work out, that was going to be our next stop. We see them at various district wide events and they are great with all kids. |
Anonymous
Did you even realize that you're posting on SN? When a kid has autism or other special needs, it's not helicopter parenting, it's a fact of life. |
Anonymous
| If that troop doesn't work, look around for another troop. You can also look for other types of similar experiences - Campfire, Lego clubs, etc. |
Anonymous
| OP here some good thoughts. Except for helicopter comment of course! I am guessing that poster has never dealt with an IEP or special need. |
Anonymous
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I hope you hang in there. I was not a big fan of cub scouts (parent drama, political drama, ect) , but my oldest son has been in boys scouts for the last year and he has a great troop. There are all sorts of different boys (both social-economical, "coolness" and spectrum differences). The parents stay out of it and everything is boy lead. The boys all really respect each other and support each other. I really didn't want to like boy scouts, but I have been really impressed with my son's troop.
Every troop is different, so do "shop" around. I hope it works out for you. |
Anonymous
| I would try reaching out to the leader before leaving the group all together. Is your son's friend from last year still in the group? If so, perhaps he could be your son's partner for activities till you son can make some new friends. Perhaps a group of three (one with his old friend and one new) would help your son make new friends. You had a good experience last year so I would think the leader might be open for making accommodations for your son this year so he can have a good experience. |
Anonymous
| I, too, think you should reach out to the leader. My DS has ADHD and the evening meetings are rough because his medication has worn off and we really can't give him a short-acting because it's too close to bed time. The leaders have been very helpful once they learn of DS's challenges (and I suspect half the boys/leaders of having ADHD!). What's helped my DS is always having a 'job' at the meetings. Even though he's got anxiety, when he knows someone is counting on him performing a task he knows he can do, he's less likely to resist going. But, if this troop doesn't work out, please consider moving to another one before giving up. I know how exhausting all this is. Hang in there. |
Anonymous
You're an ass. |
Anonymous
Thank you for mocking this SN parent. |
Anonymous
I'm a GS leader and would welcome a conversation from a parent about ways I could accomodate her HFA daughter so she could participate better ... and have fun!!.... in our troop! |
Anonymous
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OP have you seen this resource? Not sure how useful it is:
https://d3gqux9sl0z33u.cloudfront.net/AA/AT/autismempowerment-org/downloads/181273/autismandscoutingtips110411.pdf |