Would you feel left out?

[Anonymous]

I'm trying to sort out my feelings. My sister, brother, parents and I all live in different states. My mom is visiting my sister, her husband and children in the city they live in. She had previously mentioned that my brother wanted to fly into my sister's city and visit sometime at the same time as my mom. I said to my mom, please let me know when he plans to meet you there and I'll fly in with my family so we can all see each other and my siblings can meet their nieces and nephews (siblings haven't met my children yet, they've always been busy traveling, they're young and my children are young). My mom said okay, I'll let you know. Flash forward a month from that conversation and my mom is visiting my sister and her family, my children want to face time and say hi to my mom, their grandmother and hi to their cousins and when they do, my brother is in the background. He had flown in as well, they had all planned to meet together in my sister's city and I'm the only one in the family that wasn't invited. I'm hurt. I don't understand why my husband, kids and myself weren't invited too. Would you feel left out? Would you be upset?

[Anonymous]

Yes I'd feel left out. It always feels weird when everyone else is getting together and I'm not there. Those are my people! Why aren't I with them?!

But, shit happens. I forced myself to make peace with it because getting all aggro and angry at the family is a weird thing to do when you're also saying you want to be close with them, and sometimes things just come up last minute.

[Anonymous]

I would feel left out; however, idd you only speak to your mom about wanting to be included or your sister as well? Your mom may have felt funny inviting you to your sister's house - as it is not her place to invite someone where she, herself is a guest. Your brother and sister may have talked to each other and that is why he is there.

[Anonymous]

OP: Thanks, I talked to my sister too and mentioned it to my brother at the time. I also invited all of them to my house for Thanksgiving and they all said that they didn't feel like traveling any time soon. My sister has 2 children the same age as my children and I want the cousins to be close like how our family was when I was growing up.

[Anonymous]

You are not wrong to be hurt. I would most definitely be saddened by that. Seems very inconsiderate. As the youngest of 4 (with a large gap in between me and my closest sibling), I am often left out as well. They share a lot of memories and experiences that I didn't have.

I'm not sure about the dynamic in your family. But I've voiced my feelings in situations like these, and all I ever got was denial. "Oh we didn't mean to leave you out, you should have come." "Well, I wasn't invited." Silence or more BS denials. We aren't much on honest dialogue.

Again, I don't know if there is history leading up to it. But yeah it sucks and you should say something. If you aren't comfortable bringing it up and distance obviously would prevent you unless you facetimed (awkward), write an email or a letter.

[Anonymous]

This has happened to me and yes I felt left out. It's awful. I'm sorry, OP.

Maybe sis thought it would be too chaotic with everyone all at once? Not a good enough excuse - they still should have told you straight up - but it's a thought.

[Anonymous]

Thank you all. I feel much better knowing that I'm not being irrational. Honestly, I thought I had a great relationship with my parents, a very loving and close relationship. I also speak with my siblings often but due to distance we don't see each other which I've been trying to change. I feel let down by all of them now, even my parents.

[Anonymous]

Yup would feel left out; that's fucked up. I'd be pissed

[Anonymous]

I think you need to be direct with them. I would call them tomorrow and tell them you're hurt - don't let it fester.

[Anonymous]

I would feel very left out, too.

You should tell them how you feel. This was not right at all.

If it was a matter of not enough space, your siblings should have said - this is the get-together weekend - can you come and also, some of us may need to stay in a hotel.

[Anonymous]

How do they get along with your DH? Maybe it's not you

[Anonymous]

I would definitely feel left out. It seems odd if you all have a good relationship that they left you out. I would ask directly why you weren't told about the get together and how you would have liked to have been there.

[Anonymous]

I'd be hurt too, but I gotta wonder....

why haven't your siblings met your kids? I'm amazed that this has not been an absolute priority for them. I know you said they are younger (I'm thinking young adult, like early 20's), but they should still have met their nieces and nephews long ago.

FYI: My sister and I live 8 hours away from one another, and we do our absolute best to get to one another's kid's birthdays. We get in the car and drive to see her 3 times a year, and she does the same with us.

Maybe the reason they didn't call is because your family is really all that close in the first place? Either way, I'd still be hurt, especially because you specifically told your Mom. maybe someone knows something you don't. Have you pissed someone off? Do your siblings/mother like your DH? Its worth asking them if there's something you don't know that they do.

[Anonymous]

I'd feel horrible! I'm so sorry, OP, is there any chance you're less social /friendly/giving than the rest if the family and that's why there's some distance?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: Thanks, I talked to my sister too and mentioned it to my brother at the time. I also invited all of them to my house for Thanksgiving and they all said that they didn't feel like traveling any time soon. My sister has 2 children the same age as my children and I want the cousins to be close like how our family was when I was growing up.

Yes, this is very weird.
Do you have any idea why they may not want to see you? Don't like your DH? Any of your kids is difficult? Anything else?