My stress level just skyrocketed making MIL's reservations for Thanksgiving

[Anonymous]

It's the end of September. I just made MIL's plane reservations to come for the holiday. Just making the reservations raises my stress level. It's going to be a LONG season this year. It's going to require meditation and alcohol. G-d help me to get through yet another visit with this woman.

[Anonymous]

I hear ya sister! Even xanex isn't enough for dealing with my MIL.

Sending you strength and rum or vodka or wine or whatever.

[Anonymous]

What are the issues, OP?

[Anonymous]

Wait, why are you making her plane reservations?

That's the starting point right there. The less you have to deal with a difficult MIL, the better, and that's what DH is for.

[Anonymous]

I feel your pain. Because of the way we split holidays, MIL always gets us for Thanksgiving. I don't consider it much of a holiday anymore...just a really long family dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait, why are you making her plane reservations?

That's the starting point right there. The less you have to deal with a difficult MIL, the better, and that's what DH is for.

+1. Let your DH handle what he is able to with regard to his mom.

[Anonymous]

Count your blessings. My MIL lives five minutes away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait, why are you making her plane reservations?

That's the starting point right there. The less you have to deal with a difficult MIL, the better, and that's what DH is for.

+1. Let your DH handle what he is able to with regard to his mom.

Ditto. DH is in charge of all MIL related shit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Count your blessings. My MIL lives five minutes away.

My MIL stressed me out LESS when we lived 20 minutes away from them. Lunch for an hour or two was manageable. Multi day weekend visits and the scheduling it involves is actually worse. Not playing the one-upping game, but there are pros and cons to both. I bet your 5 minute away MIL never sleeps over.

[Anonymous]

OP here. My issues with my MIL stem from my intolerance of her stupidity and idiotic behavior. She is loud ALL THE TIME. She is crass (she cusses in front of my children. When DH confronts her she cries). She has nasty nicknames for me that she says to my face (good thing I don't like her already, because this alone would cause the hatred). She likes the idea of having grandchildren but pays absolutely no attention to them. There are many many other issues. Way to many to go into actually. Let's just say I've learned to totally disengage myself. Last visit I barely looked at her (no kiss hello, no hug etc). As for the booking her flight....she is totally incapable of doing most things herself (as I have found out). She tries to rely on DH for everything (and he is really stressed out from it). He works longer hours than me so I have the time to book her flight (and that way I get somewhat of a say on the length of her stay).

[Anonymous]

So... why are you having her over? Is this something your husband and yourself could get out of?

[Anonymous]

I so envy people who have to travel by air to see their ILs. Oh, for love of air miles. My ILs relocated down here years ago. OP, I'm sorry you face the prospect of horribly ruined holidays. Your MIL sounds hideous. I pray for the sake of your marriage that she never moves to DC to be "closer" to your family.

Good luck, and look forward to an IL-free New Year (for which I'll still envy you).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My issues with my MIL stem from my intolerance of her stupidity and idiotic behavior. She is loud ALL THE TIME. She is crass (she cusses in front of my children. When DH confronts her she cries). She has nasty nicknames for me that she says to my face (good thing I don't like her already, because this alone would cause the hatred). She likes the idea of having grandchildren but pays absolutely no attention to them. There are many many other issues. Way to many to go into actually. Let's just say I've learned to totally disengage myself. Last visit I barely looked at her (no kiss hello, no hug etc). As for the booking her flight....she is totally incapable of doing most things herself (as I have found out). She tries to rely on DH for everything (and he is really stressed out from it). He works longer hours than me so I have the time to book her flight (and that way I get somewhat of a say on the length of her stay).

Does she have early onset dementia, a personality disorder, or is she just plain dependent?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My issues with my MIL stem from my intolerance of her stupidity and idiotic behavior. She is loud ALL THE TIME. She is crass (she cusses in front of my children. When DH confronts her she cries). She has nasty nicknames for me that she says to my face (good thing I don't like her already, because this alone would cause the hatred). She likes the idea of having grandchildren but pays absolutely no attention to them. There are many many other issues. Way to many to go into actually. Let's just say I've learned to totally disengage myself. Last visit I barely looked at her (no kiss hello, no hug etc). As for the booking her flight....she is totally incapable of doing most things herself (as I have found out). She tries to rely on DH for everything (and he is really stressed out from it). He works longer hours than me so I have the time to book her flight (and that way I get somewhat of a say on the length of her stay).

The bolded is making your stress worse. You cannot have a guest in your home that you can't even bear to greet. Trust me I know. You have to gather all your strength and be civil and try your absolute hardest to find some good in her. Don't have any expectations of her as a good grandma or whatever, and make sure DH is always the one to stand up to her ("excuse me mummy dearest but we do not curse in this home, and please do not call my wife that name"). You have to simultaneously force yourself to like her and humor her and stand your ground, which is hard. Remember, if she never existed there's no DH!

Either that or don't bother having holidays with her. If she is truly that terrible you will all be better off.

[Anonymous]

Another couple tragically suffering from DCUM Broken Spinal Column Syndrome. Sigh.