The Stress of it all

[Anonymous]

DS is a senior and so applying to colleges. He's a strong candidate and should not be worried but between the college process and the heavy course load he is taking because of the process, his stress level is really rising. His first choice is a reach, so he's going to apply early decision, but his other choices include some strong likely schools so he really shouldn't have trouble getting into a school that will be a good fit. How do you help with anxiety of the process? And how typical is it for seniors to have strong anxiety about the process?

[Anonymous]

Yes, I was there last year, and the stress is really bad.

ED is a great plan for his first choice.

But also get him to submit some EA (early action) applications at some target and safety schools at the same time. Often a kid's safety schools will require less in the way of supplemental essays, maybe a para on why you want to go to the safety school, and you can almost (not quite) just send the completed Common Ap to these additional schools. The advantages of this are that if he's rejected at the ED school, he'll probably get acceptances from these other schools about the same time. I've seen kids get rejected by their ED schools, and it's twice as bad spending your holiday writing more apps and knowing that your first choice already rejected you. If he gets the safety apps in EA, he'll at least know that some colleges love him.

[Anonymous]

Does his school have a good college counselor? Dd's college counselor was very helpful and reassuring and helped divert us/her from wasting time in the process which helped keep anxiety at a lower level - but she was at a private at the time and the counselor was working with a much smaller group of kids than a public school counselor would be.

[Anonymous]

Back when I applied to college, I applied ED, but I sent in all of my applications besides the application fee in the fall way before the deadline, around the time I sent in my ED application. This minimized stress because I knew everything was all ready to go before finals/end of the semester/ school picking up. Also I knew I would be super bummed out if my ED application didn't work out (it did, and thankfully I was done with all that in December), and so it was sort of a back up plan. I found another school that had an EA application that was not my first choice and applied to another school that had rolling admissions.

[Anonymous]

First of all, I love the Doris Day-James Garner reference.

Second, we've been there 2x and lived to tell the story; just one more kid to go and we'll be done. All went well for #1 and #2, but the stress was real, even for the coolest of cool kids. (Maybe even more so for the unflappable types who try to keep it all bottled up.)

ITA with the PP who suggested applying EA to a good safety; that is, one your DS would really be willing to attend -- maybe not tickled pink, but reasonably happy.

I would add this invaluable piece of advice I received from a friend: schedule a weekly meeting to discuss applications with your DS. Do not raise the issue of colleges or applications with DS at any other time, but do respond if he brings it up. The idea is to create a haven at home, a stress-free zone where he can escape from the craziness at school.

Que sera, OP, vaya con dios.

[Anonymous]

Not OP. but my DS is in the same place as yours. All I've been able to do so far is provide reassurance and support that it will all be okay and there's still plenty of time to do everything by the deadlines. I also suggested that if he decides to take some time on this weekend to work on the apps I'll supply some homemade cookies : ). Sometimes it's the little things that help.

[Anonymous]

OP again. DS is planning on applying EA to the only school on his list that has EA. Most have ED. I would give him a 50-50 chance of getting into his first choice school, so december could be rough if it doesn't work out. He tends to be an anxious kid anyway (something we've addressed professionally).

The advice about not raising the issue unless he brings it up is a good one. He has an excellent college guidance counselor and is in good hands. The anxiety seemed to swing in this week.

[Anonymous]

MY DS is applying single choice EA to one school (a reach) but another school on his list is a large state university that also has EA. We learned through some investigation that the reach school -- a private institution -- allows the EA application for state schools. This was a relief as it means he can apply to both early and hopefully get at least one acceptance before January.

[Anonymous]

Does anyone know a Gates Millennium Scholar and have suggestions on how to successfully apply for the scholarship?

TIA.

[Anonymous]

DD's classmate is a Gates Millennium Scholar. Their school definitely helped shepherd her through the process.

[Anonymous]

Some families hire counselors/advisors to sit on top of the application process and take the parents out of nagging mode. We didn't, but I hear this works for some.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD's classmate is a Gates Millennium Scholar. Their school definitely helped shepherd her through the process.

Thank you. This particular high school has no experience with the process and isn't very helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First of all, I love the Doris Day-James Garner reference.

Second, we've been there 2x and lived to tell the story; just one more kid to go and we'll be done. All went well for #1 and #2, but the stress was real, even for the coolest of cool kids. (Maybe even more so for the unflappable types who try to keep it all bottled up.)

ITA with the PP who suggested applying EA to a good safety; that is, one your DS would really be willing to attend -- maybe not tickled pink, but reasonably happy.

I would add this invaluable piece of advice I received from a friend: schedule a weekly meeting to discuss applications with your DS. Do not raise the issue of colleges or applications with DS at any other time, but do respond if he brings it up. The idea is to create a haven at home, a stress-free zone where he can escape from the craziness at school.

Que sera, OP, vaya con dios.

There is zero stress for some. My brother was a recruited athlete at his top choice and fell well within the scores required. Applied early action, full coaches backing etc.

there is stress only if your care and/or you are not super-hooked. My sibling did not care where he ended up and was a 'lock' for the top choice. to this day i have never seen anyone so blase about college apps.

where he was stressed was during the draft.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MY DS is applying single choice EA to one school (a reach) but another school on his list is a large state university that also has EA. We learned through some investigation that the reach school -- a private institution -- allows the EA application for state schools. This was a relief as it means he can apply to both early and hopefully get at least one acceptance before January.

Really good advice. We did the same, and also urged our kids to have a couple of applications ready to go in case the reach school didn't work out. As it turned out, the additional apps weren't necessary, but I think having the safety app in and the others prepared did relieve some of the pressure. Also, OP, be aware that some SLACs offer a second ED round. If your son is interested in any of these schools, this might be a good option in case the reach doesn't come through.

[Anonymous]

Lots of kids have major anxiety, my D is a senior too and really stressed, also not done not nearly done actually with her essay and also applying early. She has a friends who are athletes so they are committed and it makes her feel behind the curve ball which of course I know is silly but try telling a 17 year old!