Am I Wrong to be Pissed?

[Anonymous]

Called my BFF from high school earlier this week, her dh (who WFH) answered the phone. He said she was out for a bit, and we chatted. I mentioned that it had been a whole since she'd called me, and he said, "well, she's really busy with the kids these days, I don't think you can understand how busy she really is."

Um, it took everything I have to stay calm.

BFF is a SAHM with two kids, ages 5 and 8. I work full time, and am either in the office or with a customer (consulting) most days, have a high school senior and a second grader who has learning disabilities. My dh is quite useful in general, but most of the day-to-day kid crap falls to me. Her dh is equally useful to mine, if not more so.

I asked her dh if she'd gotten a job I hadn't heard about. He said no, but that she is just really much busier than I am, and that I just don't know how much effort it takes to run a home.

Last I checked, I do everything she does, except she has a weekly maid and I do not. How the heck should I address this, or should I just let it pass?

[Anonymous]

Sometimes you just have to count to 10 in your head and leave well enough alone. Maybe he was being sarcastic? Anyway he was an ass about the conversation.

[Anonymous]

Sounds to me like, instead of being angry, you should worry about your BFF (whatever a BFF is). Sounds to me like the husband is worried that she is obsessing about her kids and maybe was hoping you could help her.

[Anonymous]

some people just drift apart

[Anonymous]

Yes. He was trying to be supportive of his wife. You are wrong to be pissed.

[Anonymous]

Let it pass and move on from the friendship if she doesn't have time for you. Both kids should be in school and if she has a weekly maid, she should have a few minutes to talk.

[Anonymous]

Maybe he's trying to tell you something is going on without actually telling you. Maybe you should try reaching out to your friend instead of getting pissy at her supportive husband.

[Anonymous]

What is there to address? Definitely let it go. I doubt he meant it as an insult to you.

[Anonymous]

Let it go

[Anonymous]

I think that your BFF and her DH have probably talked about the dynamic of your friendship and maybe this alludes to her thoughts on the comparisons of your lives. Maybe she thinks that you resent her SAHMing or something and her husband is 'sticking up for her.'

[Anonymous]

21:50 again- forgot to add that yes, as the PPs said, you should let it pass. She's your friend. Her friendship is worth more than this conversation.

[Anonymous]

It is strange you made this about you. He was telling you about his wife. Sounds like she is overwhelmed. Or seeing as your reaction was one of pretty much disgust and you don`t seem to respect her life choices at all, maybe she is distancing herself from you because she is tired of you telling her how your life is so increasingly busy and hers isn`t. Sounds like you are trying to create a SAHM vs WOHM war with your BFF - I`d say I was too busy if you called me too.

[Anonymous]

Huh? What is the issue? You said it's been a while since she called and he said she is so busy and that you wouldn't understand. Well, wouldn't you not understand if you all haven't chatted in a while, to know what's going on?

[Anonymous]

I see a different angle. My friend's dh used to constantly tell me how "busy" she was even before she had a kid. Truth? He was a control freak, and didn't want her talking to me. It was easier to accomplish that if a) I thought she was busy and b) if he pissed me off enough that I wouldn't call back for a while. My own ex used to pull the same crap.

Call her another time, or email or something. He's an ass... don't waste your energy being mad.

[Anonymous]

You were complaining to him about her and he got defensive, which is normal. He may have no idea what is going on with her end of the friendship. You should be talking to her instead of expecting him to take sides.