Am I Wrong to be Pissed?

[Anonymous]

That should be friend's EX dh. We clarified things about how busy she was and what was really going on after she left him.

[Anonymous]

Let it go. Who the F cares what BFF's DH thinks? I would not have engaged him at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I see a different angle. My friend's dh used to constantly tell me how "busy" she was even before she had a kid. Truth? He was a control freak, and didn't want her talking to me. It was easier to accomplish that if a) I thought she was busy and b) if he pissed me off enough that I wouldn't call back for a while. My own ex used to pull the same crap.

Call her another time, or email or something. He's an ass... don't waste your energy being mad.

That was my thought too. Like maybe he is trying to manipulate and isolate his wife by creating tension with her friend

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see a different angle. My friend's dh used to constantly tell me how "busy" she was even before she had a kid. Truth? He was a control freak, and didn't want her talking to me. It was easier to accomplish that if a) I thought she was busy and b) if he pissed me off enough that I wouldn't call back for a while. My own ex used to pull the same crap.

Call her another time, or email or something. He's an ass... don't waste your energy being mad.

That was my thought too. Like maybe he is trying to manipulate and isolate his wife by creating tension with her friend

Plus also it sounds like op is controlling. Interesting that the BFF may have chosen a controlling husband and BFF

[Anonymous]

OP here.

Definitely not wanting to start a WOHM/SAHM war. I do understand that SAHM is not a bowl of cherries, I've had that gig.

I don't think I'm a controlling person, but I'll consider that perspective.

I do think the idea that her dh is trying to subtly separate BFF from her friends may be on the right track. He moved them way the hell out past Manassas, even though all her friends and family are in MD.

My intention was to definitely let it go, and I will. I do reserve the right to be peeved. PP who said BFF's dh is an ass is correct, and I will reserve the right to believe that too.

One more additional note... Her dh and I worked together for years, and had been talking for about five minutes when he made the comment in response to my comment.


Thanks, all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

Definitely not wanting to start a WOHM/SAHM war. I do understand that SAHM is not a bowl of cherries, I've had that gig.

I don't think I'm a controlling person, but I'll consider that perspective.

I do think the idea that her dh is trying to subtly separate BFF from her friends may be on the right track. He moved them way the hell out past Manassas, even though all her friends and family are in MD.

My intention was to definitely let it go, and I will. I do reserve the right to be peeved. PP who said BFF's dh is an ass is correct, and I will reserve the right to believe that too.

One more additional note... Her dh and I worked together for years, and had been talking for about five minutes when he made the comment in response to my comment.

Interesting -- google covert narcissist. Maybe that?


Thanks, all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

Definitely not wanting to start a WOHM/SAHM war. I do understand that SAHM is not a bowl of cherries, I've had that gig.

I don't think I'm a controlling person, but I'll consider that perspective.

I do think the idea that her dh is trying to subtly separate BFF from her friends may be on the right track. He moved them way the hell out past Manassas, even though all her friends and family are in MD.

My intention was to definitely let it go, and I will. I do reserve the right to be peeved. PP who said BFF's dh is an ass is correct, and I will reserve the right to believe that too.

One more additional note... Her dh and I worked together for years, and had been talking for about five minutes when he made the comment in response to my comment.

Interesting -- google covert narcissist. Maybe that?


Thanks, all.

Interesting -- google covert narcissist. Maybe that?

[Anonymous]

You made the point that she hadn't been in touch. He was being supportive of his wife. He doesn't care about you. He probably doesn't even remember your kids' names or that you have an SN child (we all have SN children). He cares about her. I would be thrilled if my husband did this (acknowledged all the hard work I do to another). He does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Called my BFF from high school earlier this week, her dh (who WFH) answered the phone. He said she was out for a bit, and we chatted. I mentioned that it had been a whole since she'd called me, and he said, "well, she's really busy with the kids these days, I don't think you can understand how busy she really is."

Um, it took everything I have to stay calm.

BFF is a SAHM with two kids, ages 5 and 8. I work full time, and am either in the office or with a customer (consulting) most days, have a high school senior and a second grader who has learning disabilities. My dh is quite useful in general, but most of the day-to-day kid crap falls to me. Her dh is equally useful to mine, if not more so.

I asked her dh if she'd gotten a job I hadn't heard about. He said no, but that she is just really much busier than I am, and that I just don't know how much effort it takes to run a home.

Last I checked, I do everything she does, except she has a weekly maid and I do not. How the heck should I address this, or should I just let it pass?

The bolded part would piss me off. But nice women can have asses for husbands so I wouldn't be mad at her. From what you've described I don't see reason to be pissed at the woman. Maybe her dh is an old fashioned dolt who thinks a woman's place is in the kitchen. Maybe he took offence to your asking whether she got a job because to him it might have sounded like you were implying a SAHM can't be all that busy so he was defending her. You can't really know what was going through his head though so I would let it slide.

[Anonymous]

Maybe in the past you have made it sound to your SAHM friend that you work harder than she does. She could have confided in her husband and he was just being protective of her...

Otherwise...why are you getting your panties all twisted up. He did not say "My wife works harder than you". He just said "you won't understand"...which makes me wonder if there is something you might have said.

Are you also playing the SN card a bit too often?

[Anonymous]

I think there is no right response when someone tells me "your DH hasn't called me in a while". Either I don't know why, or because he doesn't want to.
Don't make me lie or admit I don't know and don't care. I would become a but defensive, too.

I also try to limit all interactions with my friends' husbands, I have been burnt before. Some women and men are so stupid, they tend to interpret every small thing their own weird way.

[Anonymous]

PP here- also, why don't you call her cell if her H is an ass?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I see a different angle. My friend's dh used to constantly tell me how "busy" she was even before she had a kid. Truth? He was a control freak, and didn't want her talking to me. It was easier to accomplish that if a) I thought she was busy and b) if he pissed me off enough that I wouldn't call back for a while. My own ex used to pull the same crap.

Call her another time, or email or something. He's an ass... don't waste your energy being mad.

1+

[Anonymous]

Maybe he thinks his wife has higher standards for running the house than you do, that having young kids is something you might not recall too well, or that he really doesn't give a shit about you and wants to support his wife when you criticize her to him. You say you used to work with him. Matbe knows you and wants to keep you at a distance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe he thinks his wife has higher standards for running the house than you do, that having young kids is something you might not recall too well, or that he really doesn't give a shit about you and wants to support his wife when you criticize her to him. You say you used to work with him. Matbe knows you and wants to keep you at a distance.

Wow.

Anger issues?