Annoying mil
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Anonymous
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In laws are in town for DD's first day if school. She's a little over 2. She started 2 days before Labor Day then they came. Over the weekend. She was playing with blocks. Stopped playing and said "now I clean up." FIL announced - that's so amazing. School is so wonderful. She's learning so much. MIL agreed "school is clearly working!"
I replied "well, she's only been in school 2 days and I taught her to clean up." They always do stuff like that - applaud little things in her and credit random external factors as if I'm not the one teaching her all these things. She sang the ABC song in the car yesterday and mil said "she's learning so much from television. How wonderful!" Um. No. Your DIL spends time with her kid and that's where she gets this stuff... Just venting. |
Anonymous
| Sympathies! That would annoy me to no end! |
Anonymous
| Do we share a mil?? Mine also thinks that tv has taught him his big vocab. And when he's difficult she blames it on environmental factors at home rather than the fact that he is two and a half. |
Anonymous
| Jeez us, that would annoy the hell out of me, too, OP! I think you have to file under Crazy Stuff you have No Control Over, and try to laugh about it. In fact, you can respond to their annoying comments by laughing out loud to their face and not bothering to give any other response. |
Anonymous
| * Sorry, my autocorrect turned "Jeezus" into "Jeez us." !!! |
Anonymous
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Recommendation - go with it.
So instread of commenting that you taught her to clean up. Respond - yes! I do not know where we would be without those 2 days of PreSchool. Our lives have been changed since she started. Can you imagine where we will be when she has done a full 40 hours of preschool? Your child is 2 - you have many more years of this. Figure out a coping mechanism now or you will go nuts. |
Anonymous
My coping mechanism would be wine. Every time they're one of these quips, take a sip! Even if it's 10am. 
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Anonymous
| They say^^^ |
Anonymous
| I hear you. Though think of this...at least they acknowledge that your child has skills. All I hear is about her daughter's kids. So I'll hear, "Oh you wouldn't believe what your niece is up too, and oh, what a vocabulary." Then of course the jab, "it's so great that [her daughter's name] is able to stay home with them." Not so subtle jab against a working mom. Well, not to brag about my own kids, my kids were doing the same things that she is bragging about for her daughter's kids and early. It's crazy, and the favoratism is so obvious. My DH, however, is blind to it. My DH's brother sees it all the time too, so at least we can commisserate. |
Anonymous
| One positive, from your post it sounds like your in laws live out of town. They sound like a nightmare but at least they don't live close by. |
Anonymous
| You are overly sensitive and most likely taking offense where none is intended. They are most likely trying to connect, support and relate. Wy does everyone insist upon looking for reasons to be angry? Are you that insecure? |
Anonymous
OP, the reply above is right on. They are praising your child! Why are you so very swift to take offense at praise for your kid because you also weren't praised in the same breath? Who's the focus here -- you or your child? Look at all the posts on here where people complain about grandparents who ignore a child or who never comment on the child's little milestones, etc. You could be in that boat. Yet you are upset because your in-laws are actually showing they pay attention to what your child is learning. I would bet that there are other, past issues you have with them and that you possibly felt they weren't giving you enough credit even before you had a child. Just my guess, based on how quick you are to take offense. I agree that they are most likely trying to be supportive and are just a bit awkward about it. Parents get taken for granted like this all the time. If your kid is your focus and not yourself, this won't matter so much or be so offensive. If you don't develop a thicker skin, you're going to spend decades irritated. |
Anonymous
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Yes, another oversensitive parent.
Why do you have to make everything into WWIII? Just respond "Thank you, she was doing that before she went to school," and leave it at that. |
Anonymous
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They probably don't realize how annoying this is - they might genuinely think they're being supportive.
But you could always reply "I know, I keep trying to teach her NOT to clean up but they insist on subverting my best efforts!" Or "Darn, another thing she's learned when I wasn't watching", etc.... Maybe they'd get the gentle point. Maybe. Or maybe they'll just remain good fodder for amusing in-law stories.
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Anonymous
HA! SAHM with opposite problem; my MIL reminds me all the time how my SIL works full time and is so busy and fabulous things for her DC! MIL will extol the virtues of every single after school activity that niece is in (have you seen her do a cartwheel? That gymnastics class is amazing! Her daycare provider really emphasizes homework! She does her homework every day by 4!). Also, my MIL loves to humble brag how busy she is helping SIL's kids because, you know, SIL works full time. Ugh. Anyway, I get what you're saying OP; it is nice to be acknowledged or even told that you are a good parent. What your MIL is doing is ignoring the fact that you should get some credit for teaching your daughter some life skills. Is it that hard to give a compliment, MIL? And another thing: ever notice when a kiddo uses a bad word, everyone is quick to judge and proclaim that the kid heard the bad word om mom and dad, yet, if your DC has a precocious vocabulary or uses a big word, listeners ponder aloud HOW that child learned those words. Yeah, my in laws did/do that, too. |