Come here if your in laws do weird crap at thanksgiving.

[Anonymous]

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You just really need to chill with the older people and their un-PC, very in-the-moment, conversation topics. Their worlds shrink so much, they lose their filters, they're not keeping up with what's appropriate to say... and they'll be dead soon anyway.

So unless it's my mother and she's saying, for the millionth time, "you're too fat, you can't eat that", I harbor affectionate tolerance for those old people whose foibles are less shocking.

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Agree. Were we or are parents so hard on our grandparents?

Neither of my grandparents fat shamed the grandchildren!

[Anonymous]

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You just really need to chill with the older people and their un-PC, very in-the-moment, conversation topics. Their worlds shrink so much, they lose their filters, they're not keeping up with what's appropriate to say... and they'll be dead soon anyway.

So unless it's my mother and she's saying, for the millionth time, "you're too fat, you can't eat that", I harbor affectionate tolerance for those old people whose foibles are less shocking.

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Agree. Were we or are parents so hard on our grandparents?

Neither of my grandparents fat shamed the grandchildren!

Really? My nickname was Chubs by a grandparent from age 7+ (and I was never even overweight, just not rail thin)

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:DH just told MIL for the third time that no, we won’t be putting food on the table and passing. We’ll be serving it buffet-style from the island. She’s fighting her on this and he finally said, “No one wants to pass and pass and monitor what each other is or is not eating. We all just want to make a plate and eat.” Which has always been MY argument for hating family-style service.

(Nelson voice Ha ha!

Nice! My MIL also refuses to understand that passing family style is no longer a popular way of serving. And I agree that one of the main motivations for old people liking it is that they like to see who is taking what and how much.

really? what do you do on a daily basis? and do people really care about seeing what other people eat (that seems odd and slightly disordered)

NP. On a daily basis, we put food on the island, and either self-serve or one adult serves for the kids or whatever. Occasionally DH and I will ask the other if they want us to make them a plate. But mostly, everyone makes their own plate.

Anyway, I see you’ve never been part of an interminably long pass, pass, pass, pass holiday dinner. They are the WORST. A huge casserole dish hovering in midair while Aunt Bertha hems and haws about whether she wants this dish or that. Or MIL asks why you aren’t eating mashed rutabagas. Or FIL says “wow, you’re taking a LOT of mashed potatoes.” So much commentary about who is eating what and how much, or how no one is eating the yams and you really need to take some yams. Meanwhile the food is getting cold instead of being eaten. It’s so laborious and unnecessary.

We pass food around and this kind of thing never happens.

My in laws always did the pass thing and the food was always cold. We did it ourselves this year and the food was cold. It's problematic if you have a lot of people. My mil is an extremely controlling person and watched every portion a person took. They expect everyone to finish everything on their plate. The first time I ate with them when I was dating my now dh, my sil lectured me loudly at the table that I didn't finish three grains of corn. No one stopped her. She also lectured me because I didn't cross myself after they said grace. The fool didn't know that's a Catholic thing. My dh's family is unfailingly rude.

Food gets cold at the same rate when it’s sitting on an island in the kitchen as when it’s on the dining room table, unless the dishes are on an actual heat source of whatever type. The laws of physics apply in both places.

You cannot possibly be this dense.

Buffet in the kitchen - everyone lines up at once, fills their plates with each item, eats. Hot food.

“Family style” - every individual item passed around many people at a family table, everyone waits for it to be passed every single item by item while people either about how much to take. Lukewarm food at best.

Glad I could help.

NP. I simply disagree. The food will also get cold while you stand in the buffet line to serve yourself, unless the food is in chafing dishes over heaters. One way is not superior to the other. Also, even if you serve buffet style, I can look over at Cousin Max’s plate and see that he has taken a pound of mashed potatoes and no Brussels sprouts, and confront him about his hatred of green vegetables, should I so choose.

Mmkay, but you’ll still be wrong. Shrug.

+1. Especially since if you serve buffet style in the kitchen, some foods can stay on the stove top or in crock pots, or in their original baking dishes set out on the island on hot pads. You simply can’t argue that gravy still on the heat source set on warm will be the same temperature as gravy decanted into a gravy boat.

Serve the way you want. But saying food won’t get colder, faster served family style is just…not accurate. It’s not the same. Do what you like, but food on the table will get colder, faster.

I mean the real question is which way gets less spit sprayed on the food?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Re: MIL chicken. Cant believe so many of you are sticking up for MIL? I assume you’re ok with people double dipping then? Or sticking their grubby paws in the bowl of chips or crackers instead of using tongs? You people are wild.

You can break apart a rotisserie chicken with a fork and knives. I do it all the time to serve it to my own family. I would never tear it up like a raccoon unless I was the only one eating it.

You are missing a ton of meat that way. I don’t get what’s so confusing to you about clean hands. THEY ARE CLEAN. This is how you remove ALL the meat from a cooked bird.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Re: MIL chicken. Cant believe so many of you are sticking up for MIL? I assume you’re ok with people double dipping then? Or sticking their grubby paws in the bowl of chips or crackers instead of using tongs? You people are wild.

You can break apart a rotisserie chicken with a fork and knives. I do it all the time to serve it to my own family. I would never tear it up like a raccoon unless I was the only one eating it.

You are missing a ton of meat that way. I don’t get what’s so confusing to you about clean hands. THEY ARE CLEAN. This is how you remove ALL the meat from a cooked bird.

- even clean hands aren’t really clean. That’s why surgeons use gloves.
- would you take a piece of chicken out of someone else’s hand and put it in your mouth? If so that is weird
- rotisserie chicken is not caviar or truffle or sea urchin. It ok to leave some in the interest of not getting someone else’s strep or rotavirus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After the meal but before dessert, BIL dumped ALL the cranberry sauce on his then empty plate and ate it with a spoon. Tonight we had leftovers, and he did it again.

Sister came to stay with a cold that she insists is just allergies. She was coughing the first day and not covering her mouth, so I asked her to please cover her mouth. I heard her tell BIL later that he needed to cover his mouth while staying with us. Wait, so this is new? They both work in healthcare.

Omg that’s insane
Fil also does this but does not work in healthcare.
I have never found the cojones to ask him to cover his mouth

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Re: MIL chicken. Cant believe so many of you are sticking up for MIL? I assume you’re ok with people double dipping then? Or sticking their grubby paws in the bowl of chips or crackers instead of using tongs? You people are wild.

You can break apart a rotisserie chicken with a fork and knives. I do it all the time to serve it to my own family. I would never tear it up like a raccoon unless I was the only one eating it.

Wait no you are wrong.
I am super anti mil ripping chicken.
But taking chips out of bowl with tongs??? Ridiculous and next level.
A chicken is a slimy cooked bird, notorious as a vehicle for foodborne illnesses. Mil was handling the entire chicken.
You take some potato chips that are dry out of bowl and have minimal if any contact with remaining chips. I do not think tongs necessary unless in some kind of chip buffet scenario in public location

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Anonymous wrote:Mine get up early and run 5k with a bunch of other people. Weirdos.

We have about 40-60 people over at 9am for yoga and then brunch. Everyone leaves by noon, unless they've been invited for Thanksgiving dinner. Then around 3pm a new wave of people come for Thanksgiving.

Weird flex. What does this have to do with your in-laws (title of the thread)?

Sorry forgot to include that part. FIL watches the yoga. Like, from the window. As if it's a show.

First, I think I aspire to be you, yoga poster. Second, my father would 100% watch this from the window and talk about it for the entire weekend. And he'd interject comments about how yoga is great for maintaining your sense of balance or something similar. Somethig that never quite encompasses the entire, or most important reason for the thing you are doing, but this is his way of showing support.

My ILs, on the other hand, would openly make snarky comments and assumptions based on the yoga.

We are a family who do a 5K to feed the hungry on Thanksgiving every year- inlaws and us and all the kids (elementary/high school). So the yoga thing in a smaller group sounds cool.

The reaction to the yoga would be a combo of the two reactions in our family. I could see my dad sitting in a window, nebulously commenting repeatedly that it was 'healthy for you', watching as it would be interesting/bizarre to him- especially a group so large- he'd be like 'how did you capture this many loons and release them in one place'. My mother would pull up a chaise lounge right next those of us doing yoga and do funny voices/rename the moves to make us laugh. My 90s grandmother would be actively farting as she did yoga and tried not to laugh. My inlaws would be dutifully doing the moves and trying not to laugh.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:This is petty but we have a large kitchen with a lot of counter space and for some reason, my in-laws keep putting food (ingredients or finished dishes) right next to the sink. I would never do that - I'd be too worried it would get dirty while someone was washing their hands or dishes. In fact, earlier today, I was putting dirty dishes into the dishwasher and dumped out a mug that looked like it had a tiny bit of tea in it and put it in the dishwasher. FIL got so angry that he could not find his 1/4 cup of broth!

Also - my in-laws brought their own place mats because they don't like mine (which are just plain gray). WTF?

WTH with the placemats. That would bother just because of its weirdness. Are yours too nice and cloth instead of plastic so they're worried they'll stain them? I can't imagine any other reason for doing that. They must be full of oddness. Tell us more.

OP, nope, we have plain boring gray wipeable placemats. They brought colorful wipable placemats. I was told after the meal that they were a gift, so they're staying here.

They're actually not that odd other than stuff like this - they frequently bring their own kitchen items, and they bring their own food. They also bring all the leftovers/scraps of food from their kitchen that they are worried will go bad while they're gone. And then they take them with them when they leave if they haven't eaten them. I'm also the Splenda poster from the other thread . They're good people. My petty vents are truly petty.

What is up with this behaviour? MIL has done this and it makes me second-guess our perceived cleanliness/housekeeping to them. MIL has done this with towels (kitchen and bath), placemats, pillows, blankets/throws, a vacuum, and it's 'a gift' for us... but I've never heard of someone bringing something, using it, then it being a gift for a host/family member. Especially when she only buys one or two of something and they are definitely not something we asked for. And especially when our items are odour free/new already. I assumed it was unwritten code that these were for their dedicated use only as guests- that they were germophobes or something, so I'd serve them with them or put them out at their next visit and they seemed ambivalent. Finally I asked DH and he had no effing clue- said it wasn't a thing he'd seen them-or anyone- do before but that it was weirding him out too. So we just laughed and shrugged. After that I felt no need to keep these one-off items because they didn't seem to notice/care either. And I agree with the bolded- they are great people- not head cases and not manipulative so it's odd.

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Anonymous wrote:My MIL will serve family style when she hosts Thanksgiving. We serve buffet style, and I think this is easier for everyone. MIL hosted this year. She has a strange habit of using small bowels for sides and barely putting anything in them. So she has to jump up and run back to the kitchen and fill it up multiple times. She has plenty in the kitchen but she will put about 1 cup of stuffing or mashed potatoes in a serving bowl and it won’t make the way around the table. Also people take less of everything because they don’t know if that’s all there is.

Oh h%ll this is something my MIL would do - but she has weird control issues around food (and other things). How annoying - I empathize!

I'm the poster with the food restrictive mil. This is exactly what she did. She would make a point of letting us all know that she did not eat. She would make a half a sandwich and take a bite or two then put it away and let everyone know that is all she had eaten that day.

My MIL does this too. Endless discussion about her food intake. Pushing around of food at the table, one or two bites eaten. I don't care, but it's kind of fascinating to watch how a whole meal can go by with her taking just 2-3 bites. Sometimes she picks up a forkful of food, waves it around, speaks, then puts it back down for another 5-10 minutes. It's kind of mesmerizing.

When visiting our house it's, "I'll have to skip dinners next week and just do cheese and crackers for dinner after this week of eating!". We are all thin, active and eat normal meals.

It kinda seems like you’re paying a lot of attention to her eating. Why not just ignore? I’m too busy stuffing my face to notice anyone else’s eating habits.

It “kinda seems” like she’s purposely drawing attention to herself by constantly repeating her reports of how little she’s eating, looking for responses and childish validation. Why doesn’t she just not do that?

+1 Why do older women make a contest out of how little they can eat? It can be jarring and obvious if you are exposed to the begavior for the first time.

For my MIL, her low weight and fitting into kid size clothes was one of her greatest acheivements. We all need to acknowledge it at every gathering. We can all move on once someone has exclaimed, "oh you are just so tiny!".

Not my MIL but during college and then early adulthood I knew two women that were like this - being so small and tiny was their whole personality! I found it really gross especially because my high school best friend had been hospitalized with severe anorexia and I knew comments like that were very triggering for her. But it was also so boring and predictable. But a surprising number of mutual friends did not seem to mind it ? Always wondered why this was.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Re: MIL chicken. Cant believe so many of you are sticking up for MIL? I assume you’re ok with people double dipping then? Or sticking their grubby paws in the bowl of chips or crackers instead of using tongs? You people are wild.

You can break apart a rotisserie chicken with a fork and knives. I do it all the time to serve it to my own family. I would never tear it up like a raccoon unless I was the only one eating it.

You are missing a ton of meat that way. I don’t get what’s so confusing to you about clean hands. THEY ARE CLEAN. This is how you remove ALL the meat from a cooked bird.

NP. I don’t know about you, but when I serve a roast chicken or a roast turkey, my goal for the first meal enjoyed by my guests is not “get all this meat off the bone, now.” It is “I’m going to nicely carve and present more than enough meat for this particular meal.”

Then, later, I will wash my hands, remove all the meat from the carcass, and store it for future use. I don’t tear apart a chicken as my guests are waiting for dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL is no longer with us, but one of the predictable parts of every Thanksgiving (and every other visit we had together l) was her saying, “Dear, why don’t you come to the kitchen and help me with the dishes,” then promptly walking out leaving me to it alone.

This is hilarious!

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Anonymous wrote:Last Thanksgiving my SIL came out of her basement and handed DH a white-and-gold wrapped gift. It was a wedding gift -- from when he married his first wife. Thirty freaking years ago. We have been together 20 and married for seven. Apparently it was a gift from some family member that gave it to her to give them and she never did? And after all these years she felt Thanksgiving with me sitting next to him was the perfect time to come hand it to him?

What was the gift? Did it survive the 30 year wait to be opened?

I have no idea. I pitched a fit and told SIL to put it back wherever it came from, and to keep it or throw it out.

If DCUM had been around 30 years ago I bet the gift giver would have been posting on here about how they weren't ever going to speak to DH and his ex again because they didn't get a thank you note for a wedding gift. And then someone on here would chime in about with "Are you sure they got it?" and a bunch of people would post and say "Of course they got it, people are just rude, go no contact." Lol.

I hope she saved it to present to him with his next wife the same way, and she if she (over)reacts like you. LOL.

I don't get it either. It seems amusing, not something to get so upset about.

Same. What’s the big deal? I’d have zero issues with this and would be curious about what was inside.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Re: MIL chicken. Cant believe so many of you are sticking up for MIL? I assume you’re ok with people double dipping then? Or sticking their grubby paws in the bowl of chips or crackers instead of using tongs? You people are wild.

You can break apart a rotisserie chicken with a fork and knives. I do it all the time to serve it to my own family. I would never tear it up like a raccoon unless I was the only one eating it.

You are missing a ton of meat that way. I don’t get what’s so confusing to you about clean hands. THEY ARE CLEAN. This is how you remove ALL the meat from a cooked bird.

NP. I don’t know about you, but when I serve a roast chicken or a roast turkey, my goal for the first meal enjoyed by my guests is not “get all this meat off the bone, now.” It is “I’m going to nicely carve and present more than enough meat for this particular meal.”

Then, later, I will wash my hands, remove all the meat from the carcass, and store it for future use. I don’t tear apart a chicken as my guests are waiting for dinner.

Well for starters, I don't serve company a store bought rotisserie chicken that cost $6 in the first place. But yes, when I do buy rotisserie chicken, we use every last bit. First, as carved chicken. Then we use breast slices for sandwiches the next day. Then we get the remaining meat off to use for soups and casseroles. Then we make stock. I'm not at all surprised though that young parents today slice some breast meat off and chuck the rest into the trash with their empty starbucks cups and Cava bowls.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Re: MIL chicken. Cant believe so many of you are sticking up for MIL? I assume you’re ok with people double dipping then? Or sticking their grubby paws in the bowl of chips or crackers instead of using tongs? You people are wild.

You can break apart a rotisserie chicken with a fork and knives. I do it all the time to serve it to my own family. I would never tear it up like a raccoon unless I was the only one eating it.

You are missing a ton of meat that way. I don’t get what’s so confusing to you about clean hands. THEY ARE CLEAN. This is how you remove ALL the meat from a cooked bird.

- even clean hands aren’t really clean. That’s why surgeons use gloves.
- would you take a piece of chicken out of someone else’s hand and put it in your mouth? If so that is weird
- rotisserie chicken is not caviar or truffle or sea urchin. It ok to leave some in the interest of not getting someone else’s strep or rotavirus.

Really hope you aren’t trying to get your food to be antiseptic and surgery-ready. If so, I have some news for you about yogurt and cheese.