staying at inlaws

[Anonymous]

I have seen several comments from people who ask their parents and/or inlaws to stay at a hotel when they visit (citing a variety of reasons) so that the visit is more enjoyable for everyone. If you do this, what do you do when you visit them? Do you stay at their house or do you stay in a hotel? If you stay in a hotel, how do they feel about that? What about siblings - if your SIL is okay staying at her mother's house when visiting but you prefer the hotel does that work or do you have to suck it up and stay at your MIL too?

[Anonymous]

You have to do what seems to work best for whatever your circumstances.

[Anonymous]

Our in-laws have an apartment about 3 blocks from their place, and we stay there. It works out just fine. We're American and we like our space.

[Anonymous]

We can't have hot sex when our parents/in-laws are in the same house.

[Anonymous]

All of our family stays with us, and we stay with my parents. The IL's are all animal hoarders and smokers. Pee smell mixed with cigarette smoke, we can tolerate for short daytime visits but we always overnight in a hotel. We never discussed it, just started booking a room.

[Anonymous]

It's been many years since we visited my IL's...My MIL died about 7 years ago and at the same time, we moved from the west coast, to here. Prior to that, we lived about an 8 hour drive from them.

At first, we would stay in their home--but like a PP, my IL's were animal hoarders (a dozen or so cats, a couple dogs, birds, and goats, horses, and sheep but the latter three were outdoors) and also just hoarders in general and staying there was so uncomfortable. Also, MIL was just kind of mean and nasty to begin with and I couldn't put up with that from the minute I woke up until the minute I went to sleep. She would get irate if we wanted to leave the house for anything at all--we were expected to just sit in the house for 3 or 4 days straight...so I started insisting that we stay in a hotel and just go over to their house for a few hours at a time.

[Anonymous]

ILs stay at hotel when they visit us...they insist on bringing the dog, and we don't have an extra bedroom. My parents stay with us, they aren't picky about where they sleep and are better houseguests. We stay with ILs but never for more than a night or 2...their house isn't comfortable or clean, but we can't get out of it because they have a tiny bedroom that they keep for all 4 of us. My parents we stay with comfortably, with 2 extra bedrooms, and are generally easier to live with.

[Anonymous]

We stay in house, though pre-kid we did a few hotels for my parents (no guest room, and before we were married they didn't let us sleep in the same bed, though we had been dating for a decade).

It can work for us -- especially with my parents now when we stick them with early grand kid mornings.

[Anonymous]

My husband and I recently booked a hotel during my cousin's wedding. 3 family members have houses in that town, but I figured others would be staying with them. I thought I was doing them a favor by not making a hectic weekend even more chaotic. However, they didn't see it like that. They took it as a snub and thought I was mad at them.

Eh, I guess all families are different.

[Anonymous]

My folks and in-laws stay at a hotel when they come to visit us, but it's because we have a tiny condo with no guest room. If either of our moms come to visit solo, they are usually fine with couch (or aerobed) surfing.

They each have huge homes with plenty of accommodation for guests so we stay with them when we visit. Especially now that we have a little one that they only see a few times a year, they would be super hurt if we ever got a hotel, and we're so comfortable at either place that it's never come up as an issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have seen several comments from people who ask their parents and/or inlaws to stay at a hotel when they visit (citing a variety of reasons) so that the visit is more enjoyable for everyone. If you do this, what do you do when you visit them? Do you stay at their house or do you stay in a hotel? If you stay in a hotel, how do they feel about that? What about siblings - if your SIL is okay staying at her mother's house when visiting but you prefer the hotel does that work or do you have to suck it up and stay at your MIL too?

My in-laws have a tiny house (only one bedroom, we would have to sleep in a front room that's basically a junk room with some ancient single beds in it). For over a decade we've rented an apartment in the same town, maybe a two-minute drive and 12-minute walk from the house. Everyone has personal space and the elderly grandparents do not feel like they have to be "on" and talking to/interacting with us constantly, and we can stay up late watching TV and not disturb anyone as we would in their house. No one is ever offended (and the owner of the apartment loves us regular customers!!). We love the arrangement and they do too, because it also takes away the need to feel they must feed us so many meals -- WE can do the hosting and save my MIL, who is in poor health, any worries about "I should do a meal for the relatives."

Even if we lived closer to them we would stay at a place of our own somehow. We'd do it even if they had a bigger house. Too much togetherness is not good and creates tension, and I don't understand families where the expectation is "You must stay with us or we will be offended and upset, even if it means we are already upset at how you crowd our space, eat our food and generally are underfoot."

[Anonymous]

When parents come to town, they generally stay with us unless we have too many guests at once (if sibs are here too) then they will volunteer to stay in hotel (sibs can't afford to). When we go to visit them, we stay in a hotel. My Mom and his have cats and DD is allergic (thank god for the great excuse!) and my Dad's house is small and has no A/C. If it's just me and the kids, I stay with my Dad since I don't mind the heat and cramped quarters.