Strong willed, Stubborn, or on the spectrum
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Anonymous
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I give up. My 3yr old has beaten me. His tantrums are legendary. They occur mostly when he doesn't get his way. But they move from yelling, to hitting, to kicking, and finally into screaming at the top of his lungs. There is no redirecting him. He cannot be comforted. He has to lose his mind for 15-20 min before I can even begin to approach him.
I'm at a loss as to what to do. I have an appointment with a dev ped in 6 weeks. But I'm not sure how much more I can take. Today the preschool director told me he threw one of his tantrums in school and if this behavior continues we will have to evaluate his ability to remain in the school. I hurt for my baby. I wish he could tell me why he gets so upset and what I could do to comfort him. I just don't know anymore. |
Anonymous
| How is his social interaction when he is not having a tantrum? Any other issues? |
Anonymous
When he's not having a tantrum, he's fine. He shares and plays with others at school. He's verbal and potty trained. But if you tell him no, he has a tantrum. This has been going on since he was 18 mo, so approx 20 months now. |
Anonymous
| Another "on the spectrum" brat, sigh... |
Anonymous
| What do you do when he has a tantrum? |
Anonymous
| You will get more helpful replies if you post this in Special Needs. Which developmental ped are you seeing? |
Anonymous
Dan Shapiro |
Anonymous
Really...do you think that's what I want for my kid? Don't you think I want to hear that he's strong willed and stuborn and will outgrow this. Don't you think I want to hear suggestions for properly disciplining my child to get effective results. If you think I want my kid to to be on the spectrum, you're sorely mistaken. I want a diagnosis of anything else including general brat and pain in the ass. But if there is a malfunction in his brain, I'd like to know about that too. |
Anonymous
| Yeah why would you think "on the spectrum"? Autism is not a grab bag for any problematic childhood behavior. It is a social communication disorder. If your dc socializes well he does not have autism. |
Anonymous
OK, that's good. I have a dc with a somewhat similar profile and the Childrens developmental peds were not helpful. I would also request an evaluation from Child Find (what county are you in?). Do you need the preschool for daycare or is it just for socializing? What does the preschool do now when he starts tantrumming? Is he totally out of control during the tantrum (like a rage?) or can he calm himself down if he wants to? (LIke if you said, I'm counting to three and if you stop screaming you get a piece of cake, would he stop? Or is he out of control and it needs to burn itself out?) |
Anonymous
| What do you do/say before, during and after the tantrum? How do you act when you see him getting ramped up, when he's in the throes and after he's wound down? |
Anonymous
Exactly. I didn't hear anything about consequences. |
Anonymous
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there's a big difference between tantrums and autistic meltdowns. Your child is having a tantrum. http://columbustelegram.com/meltdown-vs-tantrum/article_f81e0257-f46b-5109-825f-56438817f1c9.html There are distinct differences between a tantrum and a meltdown for children. During a temper tantrum: • The child wants a reaction and will check to see if they are getting one. • The child can alter behavior to ensure they do not get hurt. • The child will use a situation to his/her benefit. • Once the goal of the tantrum is met, the behavior returns to normal. • The child is in control the whole time. During a meltdown: • The child has no awareness of the social impact of the situation. • The child is not concerned for their own safety. • The child does not care if or how others react to his/her behavior during the meltdown. • A meltdown is best defined by saying it is a total loss of behavioral control. • The behaviors are generally not on purpose. Signs of the 'Rage stage' • Screaming, biting, kicking • Impulsive acts • Explosive, emotional • Destroying property • Internalized behavior Children may not remember what happened during the 'Rage stage' or may apologize. A child may deny it happened or go into a withdrawal phase where a fantasy world may be the target. Once the rage cycle starts, all opportunities for learning for the child are gone. During the 'Rage stage' is when the neurotransmitters are not working correctly. Rage interventions • Protect the child • Protect others and the environment • Obtain assistance • Remove the audience • Follow a plan • Use few words • Be nonconfrontational Children with Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) have trouble detecting how they feel and do not know how to calm themselves. The ability to verbalize what they are to do and doing it are two different skills. A child can repeat a phrase, paragraph or request but cannot do it. Source: www.educationnews.org; Dr. Brenda Smith Myles, "The Cycle of Rage and Meltdowns," www.texasautism.com |
Anonymous
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OP, ask in the special needs forum. I have a child with Aspergers and am rolling my eyes at some of these responses. Moms who haven't been there just don't know what it's like.
It could be nothing, or it could be something. Some kids are just strong willed but for others there is a need for a diagnosis to uncover the best strategies and therapies. I will say that 3 is very, very young-- they probably won't give him a spectrum dx this young, even if he may eventually fall on it. |
Anonymous
^^ I want to qualify that-- if there are other obvious symptoms, such as speech regression, etc. Then of course the dx could come this early. But, if it's something like Aspergers, he's unlikely to get that dx at 3 even if he may eventually qualify for it (ignoring the fact that the Aspergers label is no longer officially used). |