MIL patholagizing everything
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Anonymous
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Is anemia an illness? i ask because my MIL just told me that she has been sick for about a month with anemia and so can't do anything.
Me too yet I took iron, stool softener, and still maintained my life. She drives me crazy. we (my husband and I) try not to tell her anything about our health lives or that of our child. No matter how mundane, she will figure out a way to make it about sickness. Drives me crazy. Just had to vent. We had our 36 week ultrasound. Baby is 6.4 pounds (perfectly normal, average, boring estimate) and she asked if that was too low. Thanks for reading. |
Anonymous
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Sorry, OP. that's annoying.
Anemia is a symptom, not an illness. If I were you, I'd view her behavior as attention seeking and give it as little response as possible. When she says " I can't do anything" or any other medical complaint, say "I'm sorry to hear that." Then move on to something else. When she asks about your child, in utero or know, practice the following "The doctor says he is doing perfectly." And again, move on. Don't share any non-perfect information with her unless it is absolutely essential (e.g. she is babysitting and needs to change her care, or DC is really sick and you can't come to dinner as a result.) Sounds like you already got this part, though. She may find another way to seek attention but you probably don't need melodramatic health crap with a new baby around. I hope she lays off. |
Anonymous
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OP - you MIL sounds like a severe hypochondriac and probably has severe anxiety issues too. My MIL is the same and it is VERY tough to deal with at times. The best thing that I have found is not to ignore the questions or concerns, but to answer as briefly as possible and change the topic. Her anxiety (and attention-seeking behavior) will only get worse if you ignore her completely. Also, don't give her advice on her own symptoms - she will not listen or will talk about it constantly. Just let her say what she needs to say about her health, say you're sorry to hear she's not feeling well, offer to get her tea or something to eat (whatever may calm her down) and then change the subject. It truly is frustrating to deal with, but remind yourself that she is too old to change (I'm assuming she is older) and that offering her a little kindness won't hurt you. Not going to lie, though, you may need to put that phrase on constant repeat in your head on some days to simply get through your visit...
Good luck! |
Anonymous
| PP has made many good points. Just back from spending a week with my MIL, who is very similar. She was talking to her daughter on phone, who mentioned that her daughter has a cold. We are all going to see each other in a few weeks. MIL could not stop talking about how horrible it will be if we all catch the daughter's cold when we are together. Usually I count to ten, but this time I blew a stack - "she can't possibly be contagious 3 1/2 weeks from now." MIL started explaining how the contagion chain could work. Really too too much. |
Anonymous
Ah, yeah. Anemia is an illness. It is not a symptom. There are many different types of anemia each with their own cause(s). Cough, fever, pain, fatigue are symptoms. And yes, anemia can be debilitating if it is severe. |
Anonymous
| Shouldnt be taken lightly and canbe mild for some people and severe for others. slow GI bleed causes anemia. Inability to process iron causes anemia. Poor diet can lead to anemia. Despite treatment my own mother almost died from it. Needed several transfusions and still has to get kne periodically. Just because yours went away with Iron tablets doesn't mean that us the treatment for everyone. |
Anonymous
| It depends on how severe the anemia is and what type and what is causing it. If she's that debilitated, she should be getting a blood transfusion. Ask her if her doctor is considering it. |
Anonymous
| BTW, anemia causes depression. Sounds a lot like depression. |
Anonymous
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How she treats her own anemia is up to her - I'm a little confused why it's bugging you. Did she go on & on about it and it's annoying or did she bail on you last minute when she had agreed to do something?
With the "is it too low" question, you could just say "no" or if you want to convey your annoyance, you could through in an "of course not!" |
Anonymous
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Sorry to not be clear, this is op: SHE DOES NOT SEE DOCTORS!
Lots of you have great advice. I really like my MIL and very much want her to have a great relationship with her only grandchild (my child). I hate when she cancels on me but it hurts me when she cancels on my child. She does it all the time. child is 3.5. I'm lucky that my FIL is, in my child's own words "My favorite". So even though MIL will flake on my child, FIL will make up for it. Re: what is pathologized...I am just a little surprised at how the mundane can be pathologized. I agree with whomever suggested it might be anxiety and depression and because those are both treatable conditions (as is menopause and anemia) I"m frustrated that she lets it all control her rather than living her life. (she's 59 so pretty young for an MIL around here). If I didn't like her, I wouldn't care. She is my child's only grandmother (as mine is bat-shit-certifiable, unquestioningly crazy; hoarder, lives in filth, doesn't work, morbidly obese, paranoid, and activity tries to destroy her children's lives). I also think that is why MIL makes me so angry. She's a great person and is mostly normal yet I am more intolerant of her (mental) illness b/c I think hers is fixable and know my mom's is not. |
Anonymous
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My mother is just like this.
She has had life-long depression, and I think this is just one aspect of it. Also, she has little in her life to think about/worry about so she obsesses with stuff like that. Actually, she's aware of it now and I can (occasionally) see her try to get out of it. But I've come to just accept it. You can't change people. You'll just drive yourself crazy trying to do that! |
Anonymous
This. Not all anemia is iron deficient (the most common ). I had a more rare type of anemia when I was younger, and when it went untreated for too long, i could barely get out of bed. Was a long process trying to figure out how to treat it and it wasnt as simple as a transfusion. Sounds like you have other issues with her, but maybe ease up on the anemia thing until.you know the whole story. |
Anonymous
What I got from this: symptom: anemia cause: slow GI bleed symptom: anemia cause: poor diet symptom:anemia cause: iron deficiency You have just proven that anemia is a SYMPTOM caused by some other health issue. |
Anonymous
YOU ARE AN IDIOT. Example: Disease: Anemia Symptom: fatigue, lethargy, shortness of breath, palpitations Sign: pale skin, fast heart rate, black stool Cause: upper gastrointestinal track bleeding Get a freaking dictionary. Anemia is NOT A SYMPTOM. |
Anonymous
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My mother has this: http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/000569.htm
It is not as simple as you'd think. Stop judging. If your issue is she wont see a doctor,let that be your issue vs you thinking she's being a baby about anemia |