Despairing over finding decent daycare in Lorton/Burke/Fairfax Station

[Anonymous]

I missed out on a chance at one family day care that I felt pretty comfortable with for my 12 week old infant. Since then, I have visited nearly a dozen others and I literally leave crying at the idea of leaving my child there. It's like the worst Goldilocks story ever. Some places are clean and seem safe, but the provider pays no attention to the baby when she holds him and has minimal interaction with the other children. In other places the provider seems warm and engaging, but the place smells like cat and is in a tiny basement with no door outside or is dirty. One provider I could communicate really easily with, but she left an infant crying the whole time we talked an the children who were playing in the street as I drive up turned out to be her kids.

The only provider that's even remotely palatable to me is new to running a home day care (though licensed and supervised by Infant Toddler) and has no parent references. Her son is sweet and smart and she is very affectionate toward my baby. But she needs to drive her son to preschool during the day (and back) and the preschool is 15 miles away requiring getting on 95 in rush hour, so my baby would be in the car about 2 hours a day dropping him off and picking him up.

That seemed like an awful option two weeks ago but with just weeks until he needs to be in care, I'm weeping with despair that we won't find anyone else! I can't afford a nanny or to stay home. I'm
scared!

[Anonymous]

If you think she's a decent carer and you have to go back to work, take the position with the nice lady and keep looking. This is how many of us do it. Providers are used to people moving on.

I remember how stressful this time was - I had nothing three weeks before I had to go back to work. I found a nice in home lady who was able to take my son until a spot opened up at a center four months later.

Have you looked in the area where you work as well as where you live? That could open up a few more possibilities.

[Anonymous]

Why don't you look at some daycare centers, too? Or how about a nanny share?

[Anonymous]

I know one In home daycare in Lorton.Very clean,sweet people, but I don't know if they have spots available right now.

Little expensive but worth it !!!

I will check tomorrow....Buy when do you need??

[Anonymous]

Vienna Va is too far for you?

[Anonymous]

Martha Burrell in Burke and Salma Nazari in Fairfax Station. Highly regarded and frequently recommended. I've used Martha's services for years, finding her after visiting 9 other homes that left me feeling discouraged (to put it kindly).

If you can't find a great home-care provider, consider a day care facility in the meantime. Good luck!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you think she's a decent carer and you have to go back to work, take the position with the nice lady and keep looking. This is how many of us do it. Providers are used to people moving on.

I remember how stressful this time was - I had nothing three weeks before I had to go back to work. I found a nice in home lady who was able to take my son until a spot opened up at a center four months later.

Have you looked in the area where you work as well as where you live? That could open up a few more possibilities.

No, providers are not used to people moving on, not in that sense. yes, they outgrow the childcare home, or parents move or the situation is no longer a fit. but the provider is counting on the pay (yes, aside from being loving to the children and caring for them the way parents would like them to, etc) it IS her paycheck and the way she pays her bills and helps to support her family. She may have turned other families down in order to take a child in, and to just go in there temporarily without at least some type of warning, only to swoop your child out for something better, that is downright inconsiderate

I have transported children in the past to preschool and it really isnt that big of a deal. The children become accustomed to it and enjoy the outings. We would use this time to make side trips to a park, library, nature center etc with the kids. It is more important how this person relates to your baby and cares for your baby over the issue in the car.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you think she's a decent carer and you have to go back to work, take the position with the nice lady and keep looking. This is how many of us do it. Providers are used to people moving on.

I remember how stressful this time was - I had nothing three weeks before I had to go back to work. I found a nice in home lady who was able to take my son until a spot opened up at a center four months later.

Have you looked in the area where you work as well as where you live? That could open up a few more possibilities.

No, providers are not used to people moving on, not in that sense. yes, they outgrow the childcare home, or parents move or the situation is no longer a fit. but the provider is counting on the pay (yes, aside from being loving to the children and caring for them the way parents would like them to, etc) it IS her paycheck and the way she pays her bills and helps to support her family. She may have turned other families down in order to take a child in, and to just go in there temporarily without at least some type of warning, only to swoop your child out for something better, that is downright inconsiderate

I have transported children in the past to preschool and it really isnt that big of a deal. The children become accustomed to it and enjoy the outings. We would use this time to make side trips to a park, library, nature center etc with the kids. It is more important how this person relates to your baby and cares for your baby over the issue in the car.

So it's as downright inconsiderate as never returning calls, even when you say you'll call right back, or announcing on a Wednesday that you're taking the next two weeks off? Or that you're now "over ratio" but because the new kid is a sibling you don't have room for mine any more? I need care to support MY family, and my friends and I have been left in the lurch many times by home providers. In this area, they never seem to care about us because there is always another desperate parent. Many are wonderful, but this dance goes on both ways.

OP, do what you have to. Maybe you will like the nice lady, but that car ride does seem excessive if it's every day. It seems odd that a daycare provider wouldn't be taking care of her own kid, and would be picking a preschool so far away of she wants to be running a business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you think she's a decent carer and you have to go back to work, take the position with the nice lady and keep looking. This is how many of us do it. Providers are used to people moving on.

I remember how stressful this time was - I had nothing three weeks before I had to go back to work. I found a nice in home lady who was able to take my son until a spot opened up at a center four months later.

Have you looked in the area where you work as well as where you live? That could open up a few more possibilities.

No, providers are not used to people moving on, not in that sense. yes, they outgrow the childcare home, or parents move or the situation is no longer a fit. but the provider is counting on the pay (yes, aside from being loving to the children and caring for them the way parents would like them to, etc) it IS her paycheck and the way she pays her bills and helps to support her family. She may have turned other families down in order to take a child in, and to just go in there temporarily without at least some type of warning, only to swoop your child out for something better, that is downright inconsiderate

I have transported children in the past to preschool and it really isnt that big of a deal. The children become accustomed to it and enjoy the outings. We would use this time to make side trips to a park, library, nature center etc with the kids. It is more important how this person relates to your baby and cares for your baby over the issue in the car.

.

OP here. When she first raised the idea of driving her son to preschool, it didn't really bother me. Her son is very bright and she's had him home for 3 years, so I totally understand her wanting him to have more of a real schooling experience where he socializes with more kids in a structured environment. But I was imagining her driving him to a preschool in the neighborhood, not a 30 minute car ride away. That's a LOT of transport time every day...essentially 10 hours a week when my child wouldn't be held or interacted with or able to nap other than carseat naps, which are not ideal.

The school is a religious preschool and I guess it's the closest one for her family's faith.

The other thing that's hard for me about that provider is cost. She charges the standard Infant Toddler rate, which is $1200/mo for an infant. The better day care that I missed out on was considerably cheaper. I have a hard time with the idea of paying a premium when 20% of my son's time with her will be tagging along for car rides on the highway. I also think I'll be worried all day imagining them in car wrecks. I'd probably have to ask her to text me when they leave and arrive just because I'd be nervous until I knew he'd be home safe. I feel like a lunatic about all this!

*sigh* I will call the names above. Thanks for the recommendations. I'm not hopeful, but I'll give it a shot.

[Anonymous]

I would be concerned about your baby's naps being interrupted with the car rides, and being on 95, and no one being able to help the baby for one hour at a time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be concerned about your baby's naps being interrupted with the car rides, and being on 95, and no one being able to help the baby for one hour at a time.

My god people get over yourselves. Baby will adapt. What the heck do you parents do on YOUR time when you have things to do on the weekend?

[Anonymous]

I think you should keep looking. I would be very concerned about my baby being on the highway during rush hour every day--twice a day. Even if the odds are slim that an accident would happen, I would find it stressful. Not sure how long the daycare provider's child will be at preschool--any chance you can drop off after preschool starts and pick-up before it ends, so that your child doesn't have to go for the car ride with her? If not, I'd choose one of the less desirable providers and then just keep looking for something better. You'll find the right fit. Keep an open mind and listen to your intuition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you think she's a decent carer and you have to go back to work, take the position with the nice lady and keep looking. This is how many of us do it. Providers are used to people moving on.

I remember how stressful this time was - I had nothing three weeks before I had to go back to work. I found a nice in home lady who was able to take my son until a spot opened up at a center four months later.

Have you looked in the area where you work as well as where you live? That could open up a few more possibilities.

No, providers are not used to people moving on, not in that sense. yes, they outgrow the childcare home, or parents move or the situation is no longer a fit. but the provider is counting on the pay (yes, aside from being loving to the children and caring for them the way parents would like them to, etc) it IS her paycheck and the way she pays her bills and helps to support her family. She may have turned other families down in order to take a child in, and to just go in there temporarily without at least some type of warning, only to swoop your child out for something better, that is downright inconsiderate

I have transported children in the past to preschool and it really isnt that big of a deal. The children become accustomed to it and enjoy the outings. We would use this time to make side trips to a park, library, nature center etc with the kids. It is more important how this person relates to your baby and cares for your baby over the issue in the car.

.

OP here. When she first raised the idea of driving her son to preschool, it didn't really bother me. Her son is very bright and she's had him home for 3 years, so I totally understand her wanting him to have more of a real schooling experience where he socializes with more kids in a structured environment. But I was imagining her driving him to a preschool in the neighborhood, not a 30 minute car ride away. That's a LOT of transport time every day...essentially 10 hours a week when my child wouldn't be held or interacted with or able to nap other than carseat naps, which are not ideal.

The school is a religious preschool and I guess it's the closest one for her family's faith.

The other thing that's hard for me about that provider is cost. She charges the standard Infant Toddler rate, which is $1200/mo for an infant. The better day care that I missed out on was considerably cheaper. I have a hard time with the idea of paying a premium when 20% of my son's time with her will be tagging along for car rides on the highway. I also think I'll be worried all day imagining them in car wrecks. I'd probably have to ask her to text me when they leave and arrive just because I'd be nervous until I knew he'd be home safe. I feel like a lunatic about all this!

*sigh* I will call the names above. Thanks for the recommendations. I'm not hopeful, but I'll give it a shot.

Maybe you should just consider staying home. Doesnt sound like you are going to be comfortable with anyone who watches your child

No matter if the child is in the carseat, the child will be fine. You dont expect the provider to interact with your child every. single. minute. of. the. day. do you? What will you expect her to do when meals need to be prepared or another child needs her help. or god forbid the provider need to use the bathroom.

[Anonymous]

Do not put your baby with someone who will be driving a lot. They could forget the baby, there could be an accident, etc. Get a nanny for the time being and keep looking.

[Anonymous]

Oh shut it, PP. OP, I totally get where you're coming from and I'd have the same concerns. And I'm about as laid-back as mothers get, trust me. My DS #3 is dragged all over God's creation, he's learned to do 10-minute power naps sometimes, and he's fine. Do I like doing that? No. But you're not even close to there yet, and you should have the perogative to select a provider you're 100% comfortable with, without having to deal with nutso PP.

Also, have you talked with Infant Toddler about your concern? I can't imagine they would "approve" of one of their providers operating like what you've noted.

If you haven't already, go on the VA DSS website and see what other homecare providers are in the areas you've been looking into.