Siblings with very different financial situations

[Anonymous]

How to handle it when you have a sibling who is not struggling but making ends meet and you are fortunate to live a life of luxury.

I grapple with this. My brother is a good guy, lost his business a few years ago and rebounding back. He is in the building industry, smart and talented and I know will get back. He bought his home but has not been able to do all he wanted because of having to cut back, plus he has 3 kids to take care of and a wife who works as a teacher.

My husband is a lawyer, I have a small home based business and we live in a beautiful home in one of the areas best neighborhoods, drive nice cars take great trips,etc....I love my brother but feel uncomfortable a lot. Even inviting them over to come swim or play tennis makes me feel funny. My husband said its ridiculous and that he is happy for us but i cannot help but think its a reminder of all he wants to have and should have. I have offered to loan him money but he got mad at me, he is a "mans man" and would never.

We have one baby sister (28) who lives in France, and is getting married there next year, I offered to pay for all the tickets/hotels and he won't have it but I know spending 10k for him is a big stretch right now when he has so many other things to do.

Any advice?

[Anonymous]

Tell him you have air miles/points you can use for the flight/hotel. You have to be tactful and preserve his dignity. Not come out guns blazing offering to save him. And don't feel uncomfortable. That will just make him more uncomfortable.

[Anonymous]

It sounds as though your brother is doing o.k. and is quite capable of making his own financial decisions. I would leave him alone, OP. If you want to offer your frequent flyer miles or a hotel coupon to him, do it. If he says "No thanks", drop it.

[Anonymous]

Gift the money to his children's 529s

[Anonymous]

Everyone has their burden. Yours is smugness.

[Anonymous]

Eh, why are you so worried?

My BABY brother had done extremely well. Like weirdly rich.

He's still my brother and I actually think it's fun to visit him and to live in his world for short spells of time. But we still are just fine with our own lives even if there are places where we have to scrimp etc. to make ends meet.

I'd never feel awkward around him and would be super sad if he felt that way around us.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like this is your issue more than your brother's, OP. Offer what you want to offer but if he turns it down, drop it. Try not to spend so much time worrying about your comparative finances and just enjoy your family.

[Anonymous]

YOur brother is not homeless
sounds like much of the middle class these days
why make an issue where there is none
I want a bentley
I know people who have one
I'm not crying at the wheel of my honda cause they do...
really...move on

[Anonymous]

You sound obnoxious. If the rest of the family is like you, OP then no wonder he isn't going to the wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gift the money to his children's 529s

Plus one

[Anonymous]

My aunt and uncle are rich and I love getting to use their lake house and pool!! Nothing wrong with that, invite them over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone has their burden. Yours is smugness.

+1

[Anonymous]

I don't think OP is trying to be smug. You are very thoughtful for thinking of your brother, but it sounds like he is ok. It would be one thing if he was going to lose the house or something-but it sounds like they are fine.

Thank you for thinking of him but be careful not to be a snob. Just because someone can't live high on the hog, it doesn't mean they are miserable and deserve pity. So be kind always, but keep your attitude in check.

[Anonymous]

My siblings and I are on fairly equal footing. Keep in mind that not everyone wants to live like your family does. Having more isn't always better.

[Anonymous]

I think my SIL could have written your post (except she hates us and never invites us to the pool). I invite them to the pool but they would never go to a public pool.

She thinks we are pathetic and poor because we choose jobs we love and live in the exburbs and drive a minivan.

I think we are rich beyond belief and am happy.

I would not want your handouts either.

I live within my means and don't need what you need to be happy.

But if you are like my brother (who I think will have a heart attack soon due to his worklife) and my sister (who is actually miserable because they thought by now they would have a house in Paris and one in Vail but they don't) I actually feel more sorry for you than you do for me.