Tips for cutting off a sibling?

[Anonymous]

Have you ended a relationship with a sibling? Can you share some suggestions about going forward permanently cutting them out of your life?

I've tried everything to "make it work." They are nothing but toxic, petty and personally mean, and supremely selfish. I've even arranged for therapy sessions for us, but those turned out to be futile (therapist seems to sympathize more with me, but the sibling refuses to do anything to move forward to work on our relationship).

Our parents passed away some time ago, so it's us and a few other siblings. I've given up on this one though. I'm really ready to be completely done of them.

[Anonymous]

Just cease contact. If they are at family functions, avoid them. If people ask you how said sibling is doing just say fine.

My only sibling has anger issues. I couldn't handle it anymore. The first couple of years were painful. But I now find that I am at peace with it all. I wish him well. I just refuse to be an emotional punching bag anymore. I miss having a brother, but I don't miss having the brother he became.

[Anonymous]

It sounds as though you've been spending w-a-y to much time with this sibling trying to "make this work" between the two of you. Maybe it's time to just back off and let them do their thing while you do your thing.

People sometimes grow up AND apart. It doesn't sound as though you two are very compatible...

[Anonymous]

Stop returning calls. Don't initiate contact. It sucks, but sometimes it necessary. It's very freeing not to have to deal with the drama.

[Anonymous]

Life is so much better without stress.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't do something so dramatic as cutting him off completely.
Just stop calling, stop getting drug into drama, etc.
cutting someone off seems like a drama seeking gesture

[Anonymous]

Sneak out the back Jack, make a new plan Sam,.....there must be 50 different ways to ditch your sibling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sneak out the back Jack, make a new plan Sam,.....there must be 50 different ways to ditch your sibling.

It's Stan, not Sam

[Anonymous]

Yes, just stop communicating. Don't return calls, emails, texts. Limit time around them during family events or completely avoid the sibling altogether.
No need to make a point of stating you're cutting them off unless they press the point. But...if they do press, calmly and firmly let them know that in the interest of preserving your own sense of peace you need distance from them. Then maintain that boundary and don't allow yourself to be guilted into doing otherwise by your sibling or other relatives.

[Anonymous]

I'm amazed that you would do therapy with an adult sibling. They live close? That is unfortunate.

I have not dramatically "cut my sibling off", but, I don't initiate phone calls, don't send cards, don't visit, etc. He calls a couple of times a year, and we chit chat. That's it. It annoys my parents, but, I don't care, it's not their life.

It is okay not to have a relationship with your sibling if they are truly toxic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't do something so dramatic as cutting him off completely.
Just stop calling, stop getting drug into drama, etc.
cutting someone off seems like a drama seeking gesture

+1 You don't want to look like a high drama lama yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't do something so dramatic as cutting him off completely.
Just stop calling, stop getting drug into drama, etc.
cutting someone off seems like a drama seeking gesture

+1 You don't want to look like a high drama lama yourself.

llama

[Anonymous]

I know you didn't ask for a book, but a great one related to this is:

Cain's Legacy: Liberating Siblings from a Lifetime of Rage, Shame, Secrecy, and Regret by Dr. Jeanne Safer

http://www.amazon.com/Cains-Legacy-Liberating-Siblings-Lifetime/dp/0465019404/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1376622340&sr=8-2&keywords=jeanne+saferhttp://www.amazon.com/Cains-Legacy-Liberating-Siblings-Lifetime/dp/0465019404/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1376622340&sr=8-2&keywords=jeanne+safer

[Anonymous]

I personally understand the pain associated with this situation.

What you described about your sibling's personality is TO A TEE the personality of my sister, who I am cutting out of my life. In all actuality, she was treating me as though she hoped that I would leave her alone, like I was nothing but a nuisance to her. She would argue, be rude, snide and mean to me over and over and over again - and then expect me to come crawling back. I had to end it, because I can't put up with the treatment anymore. I am dually proud of myself for pulling out of a toxic relationship, and also devastated that I am losing a person I used to be the closest with. Its so unfair! But that's life. I told her how I felt and all she did was tell me that my feelings were weird, and she'd rather let me have them to myself than try to work things out. She would rather be tortured with devices than admit she was wrong, or provide any apology or responsibility.

I did an interesting exercise: I pretended that we were not related, and I thought about her as a person. When I did that, I saw her as a very flawed, insecure person and a TERRIBLE friend. Literally I would never speak to her again if we were not related.

I am currently mourning the loss of our relationship, and thinking about the things I could be focusing my energy on. Life is to be LIVEd, and people who understand this tend to also treat other people better. I hope this helps!

[Anonymous]

My older half sister is a real piece of work. She has lied about so many things she probably doesn't know the truth, but it was never the truth that got her sympathy. I have tried to distance myself for years, but recently due to parents bad health have been around her more in the past few months than the past few decades. Nothing has changed. I want off this merry-go-round of making drama relevant. Without hurting my parents, which I am beyond caring about that I need to walk away. I also need to know that walking away from this liar doesn't make me a bad person.