I know that my DH is lying to me about something insignificant, but he will not admit it.
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Anonymous
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My DH used to work with someone who is a big drinker, and would frequently go to happy hours with him - leaving me home alone with a newborn at a time where I was completely overwhelmed, trying to manage parenthood with working etc. I started getting on him about how often he was going out, and at some point he started lying to me about going out by saying that he had to work late. I have no idea how long this went on for - I just know that one of my friends ran into him one night when he was "working late" at the bar, and that was that. He says that was the first time he had lied to me, which I find very doubtful, but whatever. Shortly after, he took a new position and stopped seeing this person so much. He travels a lot for work now and rarely goes out when he is home.
This morning, he texted me to "remind" me that he is going out with this person for drinks. I know 100% sure, 100000000% sure, that he did not tell me about this before. I would literally bet my child's life on it, that is how 10000000000000000000% sure that he never told me he was going out for drinks tonight. I know this for two reasons: (1) my daughter had a well visit during this time slot that was just cancelled two days ago, and he was supposed to attend- so it's not like he could have possibly told me this more than two days ago. (2) We never go out with friends alone (ie not as a couple) on Friday or Saturday nights, so it would have been very out of the ordinary. There is just no possible way that he told me about this in the last two days and I forgot. No way!! I think that one of three scenarios happened: (1) He made plans with this guy at some peoint in the last two days, forgot to tell me, and then "reminded" me this morning to try to push it on me that I had "forgotten" that I had somehow agreed to this. (2) He made plans this morning, knew I would not be happy about it, so did the same "reminding" thing, or (3) Was initially planning to lie to me about going, then thought better of it because he had been caught before, so did the "reminding" thing. The bottom line is that whichever way you look at it, he is lying to me- because he thought I'd say no and figured this was the best way to go about it. The truth is that even though I think his friend is a bad influence, I probably would have been okay with it tonight given that they hardly ever see one another anymore and he is planning to come home on the early side. Things have changed in the last 6 months, I'm not super overwhlemed with my daughter anymore, etc. It would not have been a big deal. But the fact that he is clearly lying to me and telling me that I had agreed to this before, when I did NOT, is just making me unbelievably angry. I even had a very nice (on my end) conversation where I point blank said that I knew he was lying and I wanted to give him the opportunity to own up to it - nope. He wouldn't. I do not even know how to handle this - but it is just making me FURIOUS the longer the day goes on. |
Anonymous
| Totally annoying. I'd say what you said here - I know there's no way you mentioned it because of a) and b). It would have been fine - why intentionally act like you told me? |
Anonymous
| The way you handle this is to stop trying to control his movements and stop nagging him. Lay the hell off. |
Anonymous
| I would just text back - remind me when we had this conversation? We had talked about you meeting X during DD's dr appt time? |
Anonymous
| Ha! Just saw you on YBM. You got some good advice there. I totally get that DCUM is different in some ways so I don't blame you for posting on both. Just funny. I'm spending too much time on these sites! |
Anonymous
| 14:20- I am not trying to control his movements at all. Like I said, it would have been ok if he had just asked about it. But, he cannot act independently of his family when making plans and then backpedal by lying about it. The same way that I can't just decide to go to happy horu tonight and to hell with my toddler. That's called being a grown up. If I want to go out, I have to make sure I have child care lined up (him or someone else) and make sure it is okay. If we were both single and 25 with no kids, this would be a total non issue. Even if we were married now and had no kids, this would be a non issue (except the lying part). |
Anonymous
| 14:22 me too!! haha |
Anonymous
Did the youbemom ladies also tell her to stop being a shrew? He's lying to you because you gave him so much grief and he's trying to avoid the confrontation again, OP. You're out of line trying to control with hom who he associates. |
Anonymous
| NP. What is ybm? |
Anonymous
He "can't remember". This is almost laughable from my perspective bc it is so blatantly obvious that he is lying. We also enter our commitments into a google calendar and he "forgot" to do that too. |
Anonymous
| Why are you certain he is lying? I totally believe you that he didn't tell you, but the other option is that he genuinely thought he did tell you. My DH does this all the time. He thinks he has told me something that he hasn't. People make mistakes. It's not always a conspiracy. |
Anonymous
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I think he is lying because when I told him that he didn't tell me, he completely lashed out and flipped out. Out of nowhere. I don't think he would be so quick to go on the offensive if it was an honest mistake.
Plus he has a history of lying w/this guy. |
Anonymous
| get a babysitter and go with him. sounds like you need a drink |
Anonymous
youbemom.com it's a NY chat side for parents. be warned though, it makes this place look like babycenter. all the people who want a THUNDERDOME category should hang out there. |
Anonymous
And that's because you are being a shrew about it. This isn't about him lying. This is about how fucking out of line you are and have been. You ARE trying to control his movements and his associations, and it is despicable. |