Husband undermining me - wwyd?

[Anonymous]

We have a 2.5 yr old boy who still drinks bottles of milk in the morning and at night. He drinks them quickly and never in bed or to fall asleep. He drinks all other beverages from a regular cup or glass. DH mentioned to me last week that we should drop the bottle. A couple if days ago, I said, hey, lets not take any bottles to your parents house and wean him to the straw cup. He agreed. But here we are at his parents and I handed him a straw cup. DS refuse, which was fine by me, I just want him to get used to the idea. MIL said it made her depressed. So DH turns it into a show - telling DS he can't be put to bed by me unless he drinks 1 sip. Has DS in tears. Mil and fil get upset at the forcing. I repeatedly say to DH - it's going to take a week; you don't have to force him, he doesn't have to drink tonight. DH laughs and says, yeah, I know, I know. Mil comes in with "he need his milk." I explain how his calories come from food, how he doesn't need milk, and how we decided its time to be off the bottle. I take kids to bed. They sat their prayers, we read a book and turn lights off. Idiot DH comes in with a bottle of milk, announcing "DS, I have a bottle of milk for you." I told him he's undermining my (and OUR) decision and he says, my parents guilted me. They say a bottle is fine.

I am so angry. DH usually acts poorly towards me around his family and I'm fed up of it. I want to confront the ILs but today is day 1 of a week.

[Anonymous]

It's hard to change up routines when you are away from home. Just let it go, work on dropping the bottles after you get home.

[Anonymous]

Agree. Your DH is weak and your ILs are annoying but I wouldn't try to do a major shift while you are away. Just go with it for the week but tell DH he was an idiot.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, trying a new routine at someone else's house is a bad idea. Try again when you get home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's hard to change up routines when you are away from home. Just let it go, work on dropping the bottles after you get home.

+1 transitions are hard. And travel can be stressful for everyone - multiplied by 100 when extended family is there. I would wait until you are home. Don't let something like this ruin your trip.

[Anonymous]

OP here - fine. Ill follow your advice and drop it. I really thought it would be easiest in the setting of "Uh-oh, we forgot your bottles!" And I told mil my plan early in the day.

[Anonymous]

What a shit show. Your plan does have some merit - I can see it both ways. But only if your DH would be on board. I would be very pissed at him.

[Anonymous]

Throw all the bottles away. When we transitioned i hid all the bottles from my husband.

[Anonymous]

I agree with pp a transition away from home would probably make what would already be a difficult process more difficult. I'd let your son continue with the bottle until you return home.

As for your husband you may also want to wait until you return home to discuss his behavior. You don't want to have a major discussion like this at this parents.

[DSSM]

Ugh, I sympathize. That would seriously bug me too. What's the point of bringing in the milk after you've already turned the lights out and read them their story? Your DH should have redirected his parents' attention onto something else.

But my ILs are like yours and very interested in convincing DH to re-do things their way. In your situation, I would have whisked the kid out as soon as MIL said it depressed her that my 2.5 year old doesn't get a bottle anymore - maybe he would have tried the cup without such a large audience. Or maybe he wouldn't have, and that would have been fine. You could re-emerge either way without having to report out to the ILs what you decided. That way your kid isn't pressured to perform, your ILs don't have the opportunity to get depressed, and your DH doesn't get guilted into backing out of your decisions.

[Anonymous]

Your DH sure did undermine you and now has showed your kid that you don't mean what you say. I would be infuriated and this would be the cause of a major blowout with my DH. Nothing infuriates me more than a DH who undermines me with the kids. And the parents... What a bunch of assholes. They are complete and utter jerks. I would tell them that they are not the parents and that they have undermined your authority with your child.

[Anonymous]

I would have taken the bottle away when your husband came in. It sounds like he needs to learn a lesson too.

[Anonymous]

Your "uh-oh, not bottles and grandma's" plan was solid, DH agreed and your MIL was even made aware of them plan. Then MIL interfered and DH went insane then caved.

You have a right go be really, really pissed.

However, a fight with your DH not going to be really productive at this point and will make the rest of the visit hellish. So, I will be angry at him for you. He is a total, royal butthead. I cannot BELIEVE he did that. What a jerk.

Do what you need to get through the week, then talk to your DH once you're home. Post an update when he agrees that he was wrong so I know not to be mad at him anymore.

[Anonymous]

Throw them away! When we were weaning off the pacifiers, I had to toss them or DH (and me sometimes) would revert back to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Throw them away! When we were weaning off the pacifiers, I had to toss them or DH (and me sometimes) would revert back to them.

Lol. Weaning who, exactly?