s/o Funny things your aging parents and/or grandparents say

[Anonymous]

I did the vent post about my aging parents and decided it would be helpful to read people's funny experiences. Here are a few to start the thread..

"Somebody stole my car from the hospital parking lot. Oh my gawd. Go call the police. Get security over here. What kind of an ass steals a car from a hospital?" 1 minute later I found my mother's car, exactly where she parked it.

"Oh, hello. So glad you visited. How is the new baby doing? Did you bring her?" I was/am "the new baby" she was referring to. When I visited my grandma in the nursing home as she got closer to passing away, she always thought I was my mother.

Sobs..."My dying wish is for you to settle down and get married already. Why haven't you found anyone yet? You know I'm dying right? Do it for me." My grandma said this to me when I was 16. She lived another decade, but I didn't marry until 30.

[Anonymous]

Our folks are still pretty sharp, thank goodness. But every once in a while I'll run into a senior at the store who seems a little bit off their game.

[Anonymous]

Not from aging, but my dad had a traumatic brain injury about 15 years ago. When he was recovering in the hospital he would try to flag down a nurse by calling out "Bartender!"

[Anonymous]

My dad has developed a new expression for when someone is irritating him: "oh why don't you just go and shit in a hat". No.idea where he picked that one up

[Anonymous]

My 90yr old father sat making small-talk with his college roommate. Neither of them remembered knowing the other (dementia) After the evening my father said, "what a great guy! I liked him!!!"

[Anonymous]

My mother says "The Internets" and The Facebook".

Soo cute.

[Anonymous]

18:01- that's an old one...Oh, go shit in your hat!

[Anonymous]

My 70 something FIL is full of great lines.
"Everybody needs a hoss," usually uttered while chewing a toothpick and said out of the blue. A hoss is a best friend.
He once seriously asked my DH how things were going at the circus. That's the closest he could understand my DH's work at the time in fine art auctions.
For years he referred to me as "young lady" because he couldn't say my Arabic name. My now deceased MIL schooled him on this one day. It was hilarious.
He can't pronounce our daughter's Arabic name so he calls her "cute little girl."

[Anonymous]

My mom is not senile in the least. She just (and has always been this way) likes to always be in on every conversation whether she knows what it's about or not. One day the family were all discussing cell phones.

Somebody brought up the Blackberry phone. My niece's friend (a 13-yr-old boy) told a little story about how his mom just hated her Blackberry so much, she complained about it all day long. Finally she got a new phone and everybody in his family was so glad they didn't have to hear how much she hated her Blackberry.

My mom replied, in this annoying condescending tone of voice, like she was picking on his mom for being so trivial (the interjections are us correcting her at every turn, but she just wasn't getting it):

"so she hates blackberries so much she complains about them?"
[Grandma, he's talking about the phone!]
"If I made her a blackberry pie, she would REFUSE to eat it?"
[mom, he's not talking about food, he's talking about his mom's phone!]
"I don't like apples, but I don't complain about them!"
[Grandma! Stop! We're talking about cell phones!]
"No!" She said, in an attempt to save face, "I'm talking about the berries you EAT, not cell phones!" (As thought she were the commander of this conversation that was going on all around her).

[Anonymous]

You really think making fun of your aging parents makes you look like nice people?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom is not senile in the least. She just (and has always been this way) likes to always be in on every conversation whether she knows what it's about or not. One day the family were all discussing cell phones.

Somebody brought up the Blackberry phone. My niece's friend (a 13-yr-old boy) told a little story about how his mom just hated her Blackberry so much, she complained about it all day long. Finally she got a new phone and everybody in his family was so glad they didn't have to hear how much she hated her Blackberry.

My mom replied, in this annoying condescending tone of voice, like she was picking on his mom for being so trivial (the interjections are us correcting her at every turn, but she just wasn't getting it):

"so she hates blackberries so much she complains about them?"
[Grandma, he's talking about the phone!]
"If I made her a blackberry pie, she would REFUSE to eat it?"
[mom, he's not talking about food, he's talking about his mom's phone!]
"I don't like apples, but I don't complain about them!"
[Grandma! Stop! We're talking about cell phones!]
"No!" She said, in an attempt to save face, "I'm talking about the berries you EAT, not cell phones!" (As thought she were the commander of this conversation that was going on all around her).

Hilarious!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not from aging, but my dad had a traumatic brain injury about 15 years ago. When he was recovering in the hospital he would try to flag down a nurse by calling out "Bartender!"

This one made me smile - sorry, PP, couldn't help it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You really think making fun of your aging parents makes you look like nice people?

People are funny. This is a thread about a particular group of people and their unique - often sweet, charming, and even adorable - ways of being funny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 70 something FIL is full of great lines.
"Everybody needs a hoss," usually uttered while chewing a toothpick and said out of the blue. A hoss is a best friend.
He once seriously asked my DH how things were going at the circus. That's the closest he could understand my DH's work at the time in fine art auctions.
For years he referred to me as "young lady" because he couldn't say my Arabic name. My now deceased MIL schooled him on this one day. It was hilarious.
He can't pronounce our daughter's Arabic name so he calls her "cute little girl."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You really think making fun of your aging parents makes you look like nice people?

My mama always said, it's better to laugh than to cry!