Have you ever been cut off by a family member?

[Anonymous]

Tell me about it.

[Anonymous]

Yes. It is too painful.

[Anonymous]

Yes. I'm gay, they can't deal. Their loss because my family is pretty awesome.

[Anonymous]

Yes, by my father. He resents the fact that I have a family, as best as I can tell. I was the last person he cut out of his life - he has no contact with any family members.

[Anonymous]

Yea. My husband's brother cut him off. He was having financial and other issues. Don't know what happened.

[Anonymous]

OP here. So I ask because I cut off my mom - she is an alcoholic. I find her to be toxic and believe she probably has a personality disorder (BPD or NPD). I'm trying to gain perspective on what it is like from the other side, though. I know I've hurt her and I feel very sad about that, but I can't sacrifice my sanity and well being to be in a toxic relationship.

[Anonymous]

I cut off my sister. She was selfish, incredibly mean (in actions, not just in words). I was no value to her, except as a stagehand in Her Life. I lost respect for her. I asked to meet and talk things out. But she's just a terrible person and wouldn't oblige anyone who disagreed. I miss her kids, but she was toxic. I wish I had a sister who was kind, honest, and loving - but I can't make her change. So I cut her out and moved on.

[Anonymous]

Yes. There have been a few who have chosen to do this throughout my life, starting with my grandfather who I never even met. He ditched my dad when he was kid and there was very little contact after that. Nobody did anything "wrong" to him, he just didn't want a family I guess.

It hurts on some level but really it's probably best not to have people like that in your life.

[Anonymous]

I thought so.

But I was wrong and they resurfaced. Turns out they were just busy, blah, blah, blah.

No falling out. No overt meaness, I just can't stand the person. Now I have to make an effort and worse I gotta buy their family christmas gifts and I hate wasting the money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I thought so.

But I was wrong and they resurfaced. Turns out they were just busy, blah, blah, blah.

No falling out. No overt meaness, I just can't stand the person. Now I have to make an effort and worse I gotta buy their family christmas gifts and I hate wasting the money.

Not exactly the same thing as cutting a person off. What you're describing is more of a personality difference which is actually not all that uncommon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. So I ask because I cut off my mom - she is an alcoholic. I find her to be toxic and believe she probably has a personality disorder (BPD or NPD). I'm trying to gain perspective on what it is like from the other side, though. I know I've hurt her and I feel very sad about that, but I can't sacrifice my sanity and well being to be in a toxic relationship.

I cut off my mother for similar reasons. She never wanted me in the first place, though. And, it helped that emotionally I wasn't attached to her. It's been 10 years. There have been other attempts, tried to reunite for my kids. It didn't work.

It's been great and I haven't regretted it. Psychotherapy has been very helpful.

[Anonymous]

Well, in my case, if you asked my family, they'd tell you I cut them off. The truth is that I stopped initiating contact with them, which meant the relationships were over. My phone number hasn't changed and my email address hasn't changed. If they contact me, I promptly respond. They rarely do so. They've also done a lot of harmful things, and it came to the point where it became a legitimate worry that I'd have to file a criminal report sooner rather than later.

[Anonymous]

Yes, my MIL. It was such a peaceful and wonderful time without her dramas and tirades. A few years later she decided it was time to drive us nuts again. I was all....oh hell no...you said we were dead to you. I told my husband he could rise from the dead, but the kids and I are fine and relaxed down here in "dead to me" land.

[Anonymous]

Yes. My eldest sister is very very conservative (i don't talk politics but I do vote democrat) and after Obama was elected she just seemed to go off the deep end and decided that I, like Obama, must be anti Semitic, (her second husband is from israel and is not practicing but the jewish mother thing fit her so well she just put it right on and never took it off) well, because obama's middle name is Hussein and that must mean he is hitler, right? So because I voted for him I am a hitler lover.

And this woman is pretty successful in life, seems to have some clear thinking, has the McMansion and the 2.3 children and all the trappings. But somehow I just don't fit in. She won't pick up the phone when I call.

I wonder if there is a "republican" elected next time whether she will start speaking to me again. She did speak to me when bush was in office.

[Anonymous]

Yes. Cut my abusive mother out of my life in high school by running away and lived with dad (who had divorced her previously) in another state. Tried to get back in touch about 10 years later to "be the better person" and have regretted it ever since - I dont like spending time with her, and she just adds stress to all my life events (wedding, birth of DD, Christmas, sibling discussions, etc). Offer help however you can, but until her behavior changes, don't get back in touch, especially if others (DH, DC) are involved; sometimes the best path forward still isn't good.