Foster Care- NoVA - recommendations?
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Anonymous
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My husband and I have been ttc 15 months with no luck. We're moving forward with progressing to an RE for further care and help. In the mean time, we've decided to take the step to become foster parents. While our information session isn't for another few weeks to get the process started, we're already talking extensively about ages, problems that may arise, etc.
We technically reside in Fairfax County, but live on the border with Alexandria County. Do you need to attend and get your license through your residing county or can you work through other counties? It'd still even be closer for us to complete training, etc through Arlington County than it would be for us to drive all the way out to Fairfax. We are willing to do the drive, but I was just wondering if it can be done cross-county in large metro areas such as the DC metro. How do placements work? Are they county specific or just location specific? We want to be able to have as much opportunity as we can to provide for children in need in our selected age range. I imagine the need for foster families is large in this area. Thanks for any tips or help you can provide! |
Anonymous
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I don't have any specific VA info, as we are DC foster parents, but I just want to wish you the best of luck. It is an emotional roller coaster, but absolutely worth it.
Just make sure you have a machete to deal w/ red tape 
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Anonymous
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As an adoptive parent and a foster parent in the past - -
In your position, look into adoption and do not do foster parenting. You want to be parents. Adoption is a straight path to parenthood. Foster parenting is a path to temporary parenting and possibly permanent parenting that is long and difficult. |
Anonymous
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OP here
@10:55 thank you for the words of encouragement! I imagine it to be a very fulfilling experience. @ 11:12 While we are not against the idea of adopting down the road, we would like to foster at this point. Any foster child we will welcome into our home, we will welcome with the idea that if it becomes an option, we would be willing to adopt them. I appreciate your comments and suggestions. I do, however, personally disagree with the attitude you have regarding fostering. I am sure that every experience is different, and there could very well be negative experiences that you had. I'm sure there will likely be negative experiences that we will have. I feel that discounting the foster program to someone with interest is a shame and I wouldn't want to discourage anyone who has stated that they are up for the challenge. To us, being a parent doesn't mean that we have to be a permanent parent. It means we are willing to offer the love, care, guidance, and support and safety to anyone, regardless of the length of time we are given with them. We very clearly understand that the purpose of the foster care system is ultimately reunification. It is something we wish to continue to do as we hopefully add bio children into the mix as well. We are going into it with a positive attitude. |
Anonymous
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11:12 here - as an adoptive and foster parent, I have seen many parents like you. You need to be more honest with yourselves. You started off saying you had been TTC for 15 months. You want to be a parent and you want to be one now. There is nothing wrong with that. Pursue the available options. Do not pursue foster care/adoption because it is the cheapest option you have identified. You don't know what being a "parent" means to you yet because you haven't been a parent.
It's easy to say that you support reunification but its another thing entirely to do it. think of this scenario - they place an infant with you, 2 years later they say the child is going home, you argue that the child knows you best and must stay with you, ultimately they move the child to another home before reunification because you are not supportive of the reunification goal. It happens more often then you think. Do yourself a favor and look into other avenues to becoming a parent first. |
Anonymous
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OP back to add in regards of going to adopt immediately.
I have a moral objection with the cost and time frame of domestic (and international) adoptions. Foster-to-adopt does not rack up tens of thousands of dollars of expenses. We are very financially stable, but we don't agree with waiting 1+ years and funding or financing an adoption at the price of 20k+. We would much rather foster and bond with a child or children over the time we would be waiting to process TPR and move to adoption. The goal is reunification, but around 40-50% in foster care end up being available for adoption. We're willing to adopt a child we have fostered, should the opportunity arise. We want to be parents, temporary or permanent. |
Anonymous
| OP- As a child of the foster system for 8 months and 17 days in 1 bad home and one good home, I can tell you that it is something we are willing to do. I've been through it. I know what it's like. I might not know what it's like from the other side of saying goodbye, but I'm willing to do it at least once. And that's what matters. |
Anonymous
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We very clearly understand that the purpose of the foster care system is ultimately reunification. It is something we wish to continue to do as we hopefully add bio children into the mix as well. We are going into it with a positive attitude.
When we first explored being foster parents in MoCo five years ago, the message we received was one of reunification. More recently this has changed slightly, to permanence with the biological parents ideally. We learned this during the eight lesson class required to be foster parents in MoCo that we just completed last week. The goal is to find a permanent solution within two years of the child going into foster care. I came away with the impression that it is now a little easier to adopt through foster care than it was before. (We are now doing foster-to-adopt of our 17 month old daughter). As to your OP, though, I believe you can only be foster parents in the jurisdiction in which you live. On the face of it this makes sense, because Children & Family Services for that jurisdiction is responsible for the child's welfare, and Children & Family Services have to visit your house to interview you and for the home study. Also your jurisdiction will be picking up costs associated with fostering such as medical, day care, and the stipends foster parents receive. The foster parents we met during training all emphasized that while it can be challenging at times, and there's a lot of red tape, that ultimately its incredibly rewarding and that they're very glad to have done it. We've only just started, but feel this way too. All the best to you. There is need for more foster parents and you sound like you will be great additions. |
Anonymous
| How does the daycare situation work? Is there an amount they reimburse you? It is so expensive, I can't see the parents not ending up funding most of the cost out of pocket. |
Anonymous
| They reimburse a small portion. The rest comes from their menial "living expense" stipend. It is a lot of out of pocket. I am a SAHM and wouldn't be able to foster if I worked. Too many appointments and meetings, and endless phone calls some days. Definitely worth it. OP I think you would make great FPs! The system needs more people like you! |
Anonymous
So yes, you are looking at foster/adopt bc you see it as the cheap option. Good luck with that idea. It can take a couple years before they even decide to go to terminate rights. When they do that, they will search again for family. If they find any that are willing they will then start a home study process for them which tacks on months or years. Now during all that time, while the child is in your home, who pays to take care of the child? Do you think the small stipend the state is actually going to cover all your expenses? |
Anonymous
| OP, I smell a forum troll! Go to real foster forums, to get rid of most of the idiots. |
Anonymous
+1 That's the problem with anonymous forums. C'est la vie. Follow your heart, OP. If you feel called to this, it will happen. You have to be quite affluent in your area to even survive, if I am pinning you in the right area from your posts. I'm sure you are more than capable of handling everything. I don't know why everyone attacks those who desire large families these days. Or people who think of more than just themselves. |
Anonymous
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Alexandria foster parent here.
1. You do not need to reside in the county. My advice - make sure you are close to the dept of family services hq wherever the county. You will spend most of your time going back and forth for there. Also the county dept of health. 2. Different counties have different needs. Arlington- about 100 kids in the system. Large need for teen homes. If you want a child under 5 you could be waiting a while. Alexandria- slightly larger than Arlington. I felt like they were the easiest to work with and most responsive. Fairfax- has a reputation for nt being reponsive/inundated with potetential foster parents. much larger than the other two counties. Only one that has an adoption only track. Arlington has a "foster care only" track. Alexandria has both but the adoption track isn't official. Technically none of them are official just options to express your preferences. All three systems have very few children under 5, especially singletons. Sibling groups are more common. Placements are county specific unless you are a foster parent with a private company. However these foster parents generally get the toughest cases. It's more expensive to pay them so counties will try to place within their own resources first. Do you work OP? I found that the hardest part was having mere hours of notice before taking a high needs child into our home (they are all high needs at first as removal is traumatic even for the infants). Trying to take a "maternity" leave with 8 hours notice was very hard. |
Anonymous
| Pp here. Alexandria pays 100% of daycare at approved providers. Getting into the daycare can take weeks though. |