When family falls apart?
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Anonymous
| In the past few years my mom has become a mental case since my dad left..and he left because she has early Alzheimer's.. My siblings now don't talk as we argue about parents and it gets toxic. Then there is my overall family(uncles and aunts) I feel I have little in common. I have been successful as a result of my parents doing a good job but our family as a whole..very needy/complain about everything..not educated. So I feel for my kids..what to do? I struggle to have them around our family but the family left is a downer. I am not a downer but feel you should be part of something bigger..right? Siblings lost case..successful on surface but just so angry and unwilling to help mom who has Alzheimer's..their cheapness boggles me. Anyway.. |
Anonymous
|
Ur father just left her?
That's F*****Up! |
Anonymous
Yes, you can make your own "family" and that is the part of something bigger. I will not subject my children to my IRL reality TV show of a family. And I don't. |
Anonymous
Thanks..yup my dad went a wall..believe me it was a shock and I am still processing so it has been a bummer that my sibs have sort of disappeared. We all live far but I have been the only one to visit regularly and monitor her. She can still live alone..for now but that will change ..doc says everyone is different..very frustrating. Maybe feeling sorry for myself tonight but I feel bad for my kids. Husbands has small family and most have died so I feel like wow no one for my kid's future and I feel guilty and feel like I have to try to keep my family connections. It is tough..they are very evangelical.not educated..very needy and I get asked for money from them. Man I am feeling bad
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Anonymous
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You and your siblings need to take care of your mother.
Stop whining already, round up the errant sibs, and get them to agree on a long-term plan for your mother - living expenses, future home, end-of-life, power of attorney, etc. Even your writing style is whiny. |
Anonymous
????? Way to be supportive. The last thing OP needs is your post and its criticism. And your writing style is bitchy. |
Anonymous
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"A wall?"
No, your dad went AWOL--absent without leave Ditto to what PP said. Stop wallowing and step up. Gather siblings together to develop a plan. Find out how much care will cost. If someone can't be there physically to help, then they need to kick in more money. |
Anonymous
| I think it's really ugly when one in the family describes the rest as uneducated. Liberals do that a lot. |
Anonymous
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"Maybe feeling sorry for myself tonight but I feel bad for my kids. Husbands has small family and most have died so I feel like wow no one for my kid's future and I feel guilty for my kids. Husbands has small family and most have died so I feel like wow no one for my kid's future and I feel guilty and feel like I have to try to keep my family connections." If your siblings won't step up for their mother, what makes you think they will ever step up for your kids or you? Make a new plan that doesn't include losers. Good luck. |
Anonymous
| Actually I am a conservative..seriously and I am a conservative because I know what it takes to make money but that isn't the issue we really don't fight about politics ..not my bag. I am admit I sound pathetic..I know I do. My sibs won't help..every excuse so I do my share because Franky I couldn't live with myself. Dad is a basket case..ran off with this woman but him and mom aren't divorced. Mom won't do anything but it is difficult to bring up to her the reality that he is gone. He is paying for insurance/utilities etc..I am paying for extras like hair appointments/ food/ car service. Again she is tech still independent..but this will change. So again..I know I have to pull it together but I miss our life and man it just went up in smoke. I am devastated that my sibs are so stingy. Luckily I am fairly wealthy and have a great hatband who also helps with mom..he travels to her city a lot and deals with the house and her when I can't get there and is soooo patient. He is away on business this week so again..I am feeling sorry for myself. |
Anonymous
Bitchy poster here. My most abject apologies, OP, but I think this is your wake-up moment, when you realize you have to pull yourself together, figure out a plan, and endure. We must all accept that our parents will become dependent on us in different ways, and with that comes the distressing realization that WE will grow old and infirm and be dependent on our own children one day. Hopefully we will have raised empathetic children with a strong sense of filial piety 
Perhaps you should first consult with an attorney for family affairs, regarding divorce for cause, alimony, division of assets, etc? |
Anonymous
| Actually I would recommend an elder care attorney. |
Anonymous
| This is a tough situation, but try to remember the things you have that are great. You're not struggling financially, so you are able to help your mom. And your husband sounds like a gem, traveling to help your mom like that. |
Anonymous
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Hopefully you can find a way to get everyone contribute, that is the right thing to do, not just dump significant problems on you.
Have you bailed out family members before? It is very tolling and costly to bear 100% of elderly care. |
Anonymous
| OP, can you try writing about the situation again, but this time using comprehensible sentences so we know what the heck you're talking about? |