Depression - Is it a cop out?

[Anonymous]

I understand that Depression is a clinically diagnosed disease. My father suffered from it, as did my grandfather before him. My sister suffers from it as does my wife.
I fear that my 9 year old will also fall victim to it through observation and exposure to her family members.

Regardless, I can not help but feel as if depression is as much of a cop out for laziness and irresponsibility as it is a disease.

My depressed relatives spend an overwhelming majority of their time sleeping and watching TV and blaming their "disease" for their tiredness. In the process somehow I'm left doing all of the work for the entire extended family.

I can't see how anyone - who cares for someone else (as a parent, sibling or child)- could ever afford to be depressed.

I'm a parent and a husband - despite my bad days at work, my lack of confidence in my appearance, my abused childhood, and years of torment and ridicule - I do not feel as if I have the luxury to feel sorry for myself. Instead I recognize my obligations to my family. Specifically - that they come first.
How can anyone put their "depression" in front of their loved ones? I think it's selfish, self-centered and, yes, a cop out.

[Anonymous]

And I think you're selfish, self-centered, and ignorant. You have a family history of depression, you're worried that your 9 year old may fall victim to it, and instead of educating yourself you're spewing this crap on an internet forum?

I don't think your loved ones are the ones using excuses to eschew obligations to their family. You should be ashamed.

My depressed relatives spend an overwhelming majority of their time sleeping and watching TV and blaming their "disease" for their tiredness. In the process somehow I'm left doing all of the work for the entire extended family.

Honestly... anyone who has a basic understanding of how to use google can look up "depression" and realize how much of an ass that statement makes you look like.

And you don't see how someone could "afford" to be depressed? Do you think people like living that way? That they choose to live a miserable, empty life full of self-loathing instead of a full, productive life?

This is just unbelievable to me. Some people are so ignorant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And I think you're selfish, self-centered, and ignorant. You have a family history of depression, you're worried that your 9 year old may fall victim to it, and instead of educating yourself you're spewing this crap on an internet forum?

I don't think your loved ones are the ones using excuses to eschew obligations to their family. You should be ashamed.

My depressed relatives spend an overwhelming majority of their time sleeping and watching TV and blaming their "disease" for their tiredness. In the process somehow I'm left doing all of the work for the entire extended family.

Honestly... anyone who has a basic understanding of how to use google can look up "depression" and realize how much of an ass that statement makes you look like.

And you don't see how someone could "afford" to be depressed? Do you think people like living that way? That they choose to live a miserable, empty life full of self-loathing instead of a full, productive life?

This is just unbelievable to me. Some people are so ignorant.

+1. Pure selfishness and ignorance from OP.

[Anonymous]

Are you the Indian OP with the depressed wife? If so, you are not making your life any easier by failing to get her real help.

--wife of DH prone to depression who is a good partner on the right meds

[Anonymous]

I think the responses are just as selfish and ignorant.

People with mental illness can, in fact, have behavior and conduct issues. Sleeping all day and refusing to "carry the load" is one of them. If OP is doing all the household work while depressed spouse/relatives sleep, she has every right to complain. Depression explains behavior, it does not excuse it.

When you go into a "psych ward," one of the first things that is done is to provide a structure in which there is no daytime sleeping and a lot of activities. People need to move forward from their symptoms.

[Anonymous]

I agree with OP.

[Anonymous]

If OP is left doing all the work of the household, regardless of the reason, there is something wrong. She's not being selfish in asking why able-bodied people can't help carry the load. Depression is not a free pass to do nothing all day.

[Anonymous]

OP, you need to get some help. Coping with depressed people is difficult. It can make you very angry. All forms of mental illness are a PITA. But that is not an excuse. Do something constructive.

[Anonymous]

OP here - I know my post makes me seem like an ass. I posted it recognizing that would be a common response.

I'm not Indian. I'm not sure what that has to do with this. Some of the reactions to this post remind me of one other aspect of depressed people that I truly don't understand.

They feel as if they have the right to go off on anyone and everyone, but the minute someone makes a comment that they feel is an insult or slight they go off the deep end.

I should add - that as a teenager I was severely depressed. I had few friends, let alone girlfriends. I was teased and mocked a lot - to the point that I tried to take my life on two separate occasions.

I never received medical help. My wake up call came in college when I was in my room depressed staring at the wall. I received a call from my younger brother who at the time was 10 years old. He said that our dad was in one of his depressed moments and that he was scared. It hit me then that I can't afford to be in a rut for the sake of my little brother. I can't afford to have him scared or worried and that he needed someone to look after him. From that moment I never looked back. Yes I do have my depressed days and moments. But I quickly get over them.

[Anonymous]

OP, you need to learn about depression. People with depression aren't saints--they can be lazy or unkind just like anyone else--but it's not "feeling sorry for yourself." I agree that people with dependents have an obligation to seek treatment, but depression itself is not a choice that people make.

For the sake of your kid, who does have a higher than average chance of having depression, you need to educate yourself and stop confusing your judgment of your relatives with any kind of medical knowledge.

[Anonymous]

There's a difference between being in a funk or sad and being depressed. People use the terms interchangeably but the tyre not. It's like the difference between having a headache and having a migraine or having a cold and having influenza. If you are truly depressed, you can't function properly. You'd do anything to make it stop, if only you had the energy. You can't do it alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the responses are just as selfish and ignorant.

People with mental illness can, in fact, have behavior and conduct issues. Sleeping all day and refusing to "carry the load" is one of them. If OP is doing all the household work while depressed spouse/relatives sleep, she has every right to complain. Depression explains behavior, it does not excuse it.

When you go into a "psych ward," one of the first things that is done is to provide a structure in which there is no daytime sleeping and a lot of activities. People need to move forward from their symptoms.

Says someone who has obviously never suffered from depression. You and OP need to work on your attitudes and your sympathy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - I know my post makes me seem like an ass. I posted it recognizing that would be a common response.

I'm not Indian. I'm not sure what that has to do with this. Some of the reactions to this post remind me of one other aspect of depressed people that I truly don't understand.

They feel as if they have the right to go off on anyone and everyone, but the minute someone makes a comment that they feel is an insult or slight they go off the deep end.

I should add - that as a teenager I was severely depressed. I had few friends, let alone girlfriends. I was teased and mocked a lot - to the point that I tried to take my life on two separate occasions.

I never received medical help. My wake up call came in college when I was in my room depressed staring at the wall. I received a call from my younger brother who at the time was 10 years old. He said that our dad was in one of his depressed moments and that he was scared. It hit me then that I can't afford to be in a rut for the sake of my little brother. I can't afford to have him scared or worried and that he needed someone to look after him. From that moment I never looked back. Yes I do have my depressed days and moments. But I quickly get over them.

Well, good for you. Everyone has a different experience and expecting everyone to be able to cope exactly like you is unrealistic and unkind.

[Anonymous]

For all the people telling OP he needs some sympathy, are you suffering from depression?

My mom is bi-polar. Am I supposed to give her carte Blanche for years of physical and emotional abuse because she was depressed? If your illness is impacting how other people live and grow up, maybe you need to fine tune your own empathy. I get that my mom was and is sick. But she acts like I am supposed to be Suzy Sunshine with her. She dismisses her behavior with, "that was the depression talking." I've been hearing that since I was three. When do I get the right to protect myself emotionally?

Behavior, intended of not, has consequences and can damage relationships and people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with OP.

+ 1