SIL and school lunches

[Anonymous]

SIL moved into my home one year ago.... a direct result of crappy decisions that led to her needing a place to stay. We don't mind having her stay... she and her children are actually great to have around, for the most part.

BUT: During the school year, both her DC and my DC's take their lunches to school every day. I, being more organized that her, preferred to pack my DC's lunches the night before. She is more of a wait-til-the-last-minute type, throwing together whatever she could find as her DC is headed out the door or every now and then, she'd do it at night. In an attempt to help, I started packing her DC's lunch at night while I did my DC's lunches. Problem is: she took advantage. She stopped making her DC's lunches all together, assuming I had it covered.

To be fair, I have to say that there were times when she would pack my DC's lunches... probably 10% of the time. But I got so tired of doing it the majority of the time that I just stopped packing them at night altogether, then we'd both be rushing in the morning, packing lunches. It was kind of ridiculous, but this was the only way I could pack my own kid's lunches and not have to pack HER DC's lunches.

So, my situation is this. I don't want her to pack my kid's lunches. I don't want to pack her DC's lunches. Mine have pretty specific preferences and diets, and I just don't want her to do it. I'm making a genuine effort to stop using so much disposable plastic... that's the furthest thing from her mind. And I really try to keep it healthy (for the most part)... she likes to put cookies and candy in her DC's lunch. Plus, sometimes I just don't feel like doing another lunch. YEs, that might sound crappy, but she's just as able as I am to do it. So, why shouldn't she?

THE QUESTION: How do I tell her that I don't want us to pack lunches for each other's kids? I don't want it to sound like she's a pain in my behind, and I don't want her to think I don't think her "skills" are up to par. Granted, I do feel that way, but I don't want it to sound like it!!!! LOL!

And before I get bombarded for not being appreciative or being petty, read this: I DO NOT WANT HER HELP. AND SHE IS PERFECTLY HEALTHY AND ABLE TO PACK HER OWN KID'S LUNCH EVERY DAY. And to boot, I sometimes have answer questions like "why did my sandwich have that bread today?" or "Mommy, you don't I don't like _______________."

Thanks in advance!

[Anonymous]

Say,

"Traci, Larla is so picky these days and will not eat Fritos, for example, among other things. I'm going to make Larla's lunch from now on, thanks. I'm so focused on what Larla will and won't eat and it's easier if I just make her lunch. So. you make Kayla's lunch for her and I'll make Larla's, mmmmkay?"

[Anonymous]

You: "Hey, Larla, let's just pack our own child's lunch this coming school year."

[Anonymous]

Can Kayla and Larla make their own lunches?

[Anonymous]

Have her do some extra chore to make up for lunches?

[Anonymous]

Why is Larla the automatic name for any uptight mother's daughter? I don't remember Larla's mom having any issues other than liking that name.

[Anonymous]

You tell her that from now on, you are just going to be packing your own child's lunch.

However, it strikes me that this is very petty. I mean, c'mon. You can't pack another kid's lunch? What is this really about?

[Anonymous]

What is the plan for SIL to move out on her own? Are you all planning on living together indefinitely? Is she giving you rent that you can "save" for her so she can get her own place?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You tell her that from now on, you are just going to be packing your own child's lunch.

However, it strikes me that this is very petty. I mean, c'mon. You can't pack another kid's lunch? What is this really about?

It's about how to stop being a doormat!

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I don't see how it's that much harder to pack two lunches than one, assuming the two are identical. I'd pack the lunches, but if there was any complaint about what was in them, I'd just say, "well, if I pack the lunches, Larla and Marla are going to have the same lunch. It sounds like Marla doesn't like what I pack, so it's probably best if you pack her lunch for her."

[Anonymous]

Would SIL's kids qualify for free or reduced school meals? What's the exit strategy for them?

Regardless, I think the comment that you'd rather just go back to each packing your own child's lunch is perfectly acceptable.

[Anonymous]

Good grief, you sound exactly like my mother. You've created this situation. Just say from now on let's just pack our own kid's lunches. Problem solved.

[Anonymous]

This had to be up there as one of the top 5 dumbest threads.

[Anonymous]

In 1/2 to 1/3 the time it took you to write the initial post you could have TALKED to your SIL about this "issue" and been done with it already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This had to be up there as one of the top 5 dumbest threads.

DUMB? why? op wants to say it, but wants a little direction on HOW to say it so her SIL's feeling don't get hurt. I agree though. An exit plan for SIL and her fam should be in place.