Is this weird?

[Anonymous]

My MIL often tells me that she wants me to speak at her funeral. But furthermore, she tells me what she wants me to say about her... most of which are qualities she would like to think are true. Then she tries to get me to talk about her "wonderful qualities". I hate when she does this.

Side note: I spoke at her Aunt's funeral and afterwards, had dozens and dozens of people compliment the "speech.... " but that was different because everything I said was TRUE!!! WTF????

[Anonymous]

Weird.

Is she sick? Why is she planning her funeral? Are you particularly close?

Yes to weird.

[Anonymous]

Is she African American?

[Anonymous]

She liked your speech and wants the same for herself. As people get older, they think about their funerals. It's a little maudlin but not necessarily weird.

OP, if she is honestly asking you to speak at her funeral, step up. Do you think that 100% of funeral speeches are totally honest? Concentrate on her good qualities and fluff the rest. Don't act like a child.

You are being paid a compliment here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is she African American?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She liked your speech and wants the same for herself. As people get older, they think about their funerals. It's a little maudlin but not necessarily weird.

OP, if she is honestly asking you to speak at her funeral, step up. Do you think that 100% of funeral speeches are totally honest? Concentrate on her good qualities and fluff the rest. Don't act like a child.

You are being paid a compliment here.

Yes, absolutely true - older people often start to think about the end of their lives and what they want done then. OP, it sounds as if you have issues with her that go way beyond thinking it's "weird" for her to discuss her funeral; if you liked her, you could either brush off the exaggerated praise she's requesting or laugh at the idea (to yourself, I would hope, not in front of her). Just give her a non-committal "Oh, gosh, let's figure that your funeral's a long way off" and change the topic....though that could get you in hot water when she dies, if other family members know she wanted you to speak and know what she wanted you to say. You'll get plenty of questions then about "Why didn't you speak at the funeral like she asked?" and so on. Just be prepared for that if you choose not to do it.

Meanwhile, if she's not at death's door right now, what's really the issue between you that makes you so steamed at her?

[Anonymous]

Let her think she can dictate what you may or may not say at her funeral. So what? It's not like she will hear what you say, right?

[Anonymous]

I agree with OP that it's weird to have her MIL try to get her to practice or give a preview of what OP is supposed to say about her. OP, just tell her that you're honored that she wants you to speak at her funeral and will be sure to take all her suggestions into account (which is honest, since you can take them into account but still reject or accept them). But then tell her that these conversations are really difficult for you and you are sorry but you can't keep talking about it with her, and you're sure she understands that thinking about her funeral makes you too sad. Reassure her that you've "got this" and then after that conversation just deflect, demur, and change the subject when she brings it up. Leave the room if you have to.