Poor treatment of the "help"

[Anonymous]

Large family reunion for my side of the fam this wknd. Dh's mother and sister are here for an entirely unrelated event, but we invited then to the reunion ("youre family, too!"). We took a babysitter to help out (not to keep kids away from us). The reunion hosts also arranged a babysitter - a young Hispanic woman who we know very well and who sits for us more than any of the other cousins. Our kids love her. Our babysitter watched kids, but the group-sitter also spent most the brunch with our kids (others were a bit older and occupied themselves). At one time, our personal sitter was eating and the group-sitter was watching our kids play, but had dessert and was standing in between the kids area and the main tent, looking towards the tent (children in an entirely safe location right behind her). Another time, both babysitters were dancing while DH tended to our baby. MIL told on group sitter for offense of eating while watching kids and for dancing. She complained to my mother, the cousin who hired her, and my DH. DH got riled up by mother and came to me insisting that cousin dock group-sitters pay. SIL came to me and said I don't manage my help well and that I should have laid out clear expectations.
I just can't believe how easily DH falls for this kind of BS from his mom when we love both sitters and want them to want to sit our kids. MIL also never objected to our personal sitter eating or dancing, (who is white), so race is obviously an issue, too.

I'm just venting bc obviously, mil and sil are wrong (and crass and class-less) and DH is a pushover.

[Anonymous]

OP again - I also want both women to feel like part if the party and NOT like paid help.

[Anonymous]

Is Paula Deen your MIL?

[Anonymous]

DH problem...not MIL problem...
i hope you told SIL that you had an eye on the sitters and they did nothing that you found out of order...

[Anonymous]

Also...SIL would have gotten a quite nice-nasty response when she referred to the sitters as "the help"

[Anonymous]

I would only worry about my "own" sitter, so that she is treated fairly and with respect, and if they hired someone else (without you as a middle man) then let them figure it out. Maybe you shouldn't have encouraged the group babysitter to feel too much as part of the event (since you dd not hire her).

[Anonymous]

PP here- and honestly, if I hired a babysitter for an event, I would of course not mind her eating (a quick bite like the one a mom would take if someone took over watching her kid to let her eat), but dancing? I think that's too much. I would probably not suggest it and if someone suggested it and the babysitter agreed I would make a note if it.

[Anonymous]

I'd chew my husband out as never before, but that's just me-an uneducated mutt.
Can't you show him the lovely post you wrote?!
I wouldn't be worried about the money that was "wasted" on the "help", but my MIL's attitude towards some people around my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP here- and honestly, if I hired a babysitter for an event, I would of course not mind her eating (a quick bite like the one a mom would take if someone took over watching her kid to let her eat), but dancing? I think that's too much. I would probably not suggest it and if someone suggested it and the babysitter agreed I would make a note if it.

If the OP did not mind
And she was someone she and her family have hired before
And plan to use again
What difference does it make?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP here- and honestly, if I hired a babysitter for an event, I would of course not mind her eating (a quick bite like the one a mom would take if someone took over watching her kid to let her eat), but dancing? I think that's too much. I would probably not suggest it and if someone suggested it and the babysitter agreed I would make a note if it.

Agreed. It is not very "professional" but she is young and probably does not have the experience. I'd have no issue with her grabbing food for a meal or snack but she is there to work not be an invited guest. If you invited her as a guest/helper it would be different.

[Anonymous]

Op here - both babysitters were invited to the dance floor.

[Anonymous]

I'd give both of them a big tip to try to make up for my awful. IL relatives and give my DH a swift kick.

[Anonymous]

Whenever MIL or SIL start complaining to me I direct them to DH, he does all the talking to his relatives.

Of course they back down and their shit magically disappears.

[Anonymous]

Wait, weren't SIL and MIL invited guests at this party?
Tell SIL that the problem is that you didn't set clear expectations for GUESTS at the party (you know, act gracious and thankful, politely partake of food and drink, make pleasant conversation, complement the hostess... NOT reprimand "the help"). If anything, they could have been helpful with the kids, since it wasn't their family at the party. They are so out of line and rude. Bummer for you at your family reunion to have to deal with that BS.

[Anonymous]

Why would you or Yourhusband I interfere or worry in pay or discipline of group sitter? She isn't accountable to you.