cant decide whether to go for the 'big' job or keep phoning it in - WWYD and why?

[Anonymous]

I'm 40, with 2 kids aged 4 and 2. DH and I both have great lifestyle jobs. We work relatively decent hours and make good money - not DC superwealthy but wealthy by other standards; enough that we can pay for a nanny, a decent house, nice but not extravagant vacations, and save for retirement and college. For context, private school for both kids would be a struggle. We're both home by 6pm for dinner almost every night - we usually work for another hour or 2 after bedtime, but not always, and weekends are generally ours. I like my job well enough - the usual frustrations with being a mid-level employee, but basically it's fine. The problem is that there is no mobility. I'm at a sweet spot now in my career where I have some options outside of the company, but if I stay much longer that window will likely close - I'll sort of get stuck in my role for having done it so long.

I'm being considered for a 'big' job at another company. It would be a lot more money, and open up a world of 'big' career options. Meaning, if I do well at it I'd have amazing opportunities down the line, but they would all be big jobs - big money, big responsibility, big hours.

Right now, just getting over years of consecutive pregnancies, nursing, early rising, I'm content to plod along in my current job, but I cant see doing it for another 20 years, which is how long I expect to work to get my kids through college. I'm afraid I will be bored to tears in a few years, and the window will have closed. On the other hand, I'm not sure I'm ready to 'go for it' right now.

Anyone been in this position? what did you do, why, and are you happy with your decision?

[Anonymous]

I am in a very similar position, except I just had a baby. I was pretty content to phone it in, and that always drove my husband crazy - said I wasn't doing enough with my talent, blah, blah, blah. Now that I am paying for childcare to be away from my precious baby all day, I REALLY want to make the shift to a big job. I feel like it's not worth it to be away from my kid all day unless I am doing something great.

[Anonymous]

To me, it depends whether or not you are bored at your current position. I dialed it down for years when my kids were young during my 30s. Now I am getting back into my career. I was bored and have loved getting back on the ladder now that my kids are in school

[Anonymous]

I started this exact conversation with DH about 2 nights ago. Like you, I can't see doing my job for 20 more years. But at the moment our life is very easy. I have great flexibility and he has the BIG job. We're talking now about what it would mean for the family to have 2 intense jobs. I would like a career that fulfills and challenges me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To me, it depends whether or not you are bored at your current position. I dialed it down for years when my kids were young during my 30s. Now I am getting back into my career. I was bored and have loved getting back on the ladder now that my kids are in school

I think it's this basically (plus perhaps a bit more) ... you have to know yourself. What would YOU be comfortable with in 5 or 10 or 15 years? Would you rather have the more predictable job with a better work-life balance while your kids grow up?

Or are you OK with taking on much more and getting more $$ rewards in return for a far greater demand on your time (which means time away from family things).

That's a highly personal choice that only you can know. In my case I passed on leaving a mid- senior govt. management position as well as Senior Executive Service positions because I didn't need/want the BigLaw pressure (along with the uncertainty now, there is no assurance you'll have a job next year), and I also didn't want to wallow in the b.s. of an SES position insofar as it requires endless jumping to the tune of numerous often clueless political appointees of both parties. So a GS 15/10 salary was fine with the work-life balance tradeoff and I still got to do interesting work. Friends who are in the SES and who are partners in private practice (BigLaw and not so BigLaw) said they often wish they could trade places with me.

YMMV. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To me, it depends whether or not you are bored at your current position. I dialed it down for years when my kids were young during my 30s. Now I am getting back into my career. I was bored and have loved getting back on the ladder now that my kids are in school

I am a little antsy now, but it is totally bearable because of the life balance and being able to have the time I want with my kids. I'm pretty sure when my kids start being able to eat dinner later and go to bed later I will be clawing at the walls there, and I'm afraid my window of opportunity for the big jobs will have passed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To me, it depends whether or not you are bored at your current position. I dialed it down for years when my kids were young during my 30s. Now I am getting back into my career. I was bored and have loved getting back on the ladder now that my kids are in school

I think it's this basically (plus perhaps a bit more) ... you have to know yourself. What would YOU be comfortable with in 5 or 10 or 15 years? Would you rather have the more predictable job with a better work-life balance while your kids grow up?

Or are you OK with taking on much more and getting more $$ rewards in return for a far greater demand on your time (which means time away from family things).

That's a highly personal choice that only you can know. In my case I passed on leaving a mid- senior govt. management position as well as Senior Executive Service positions because I didn't need/want the BigLaw pressure (along with the uncertainty now, there is no assurance you'll have a job next year), and I also didn't want to wallow in the b.s. of an SES position insofar as it requires endless jumping to the tune of numerous often clueless political appointees of both parties. So a GS 15/10 salary was fine with the work-life balance tradeoff and I still got to do interesting work. Friends who are in the SES and who are partners in private practice (BigLaw and not so BigLaw) said they often wish they could trade places with me.

YMMV. Good luck.

Do you think that's where you'll be forever, at GS 15 give or take? Or are there going to be opportunities in 5 or 10 years when you might be more ready?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To me, it depends whether or not you are bored at your current position. I dialed it down for years when my kids were young during my 30s. Now I am getting back into my career. I was bored and have loved getting back on the ladder now that my kids are in school

I think it's this basically (plus perhaps a bit more) ... you have to know yourself. What would YOU be comfortable with in 5 or 10 or 15 years? Would you rather have the more predictable job with a better work-life balance while your kids grow up?

Or are you OK with taking on much more and getting more $$ rewards in return for a far greater demand on your time (which means time away from family things).

That's a highly personal choice that only you can know. In my case I passed on leaving a mid- senior govt. management position as well as Senior Executive Service positions because I didn't need/want the BigLaw pressure (along with the uncertainty now, there is no assurance you'll have a job next year), and I also didn't want to wallow in the b.s. of an SES position insofar as it requires endless jumping to the tune of numerous often clueless political appointees of both parties. So a GS 15/10 salary was fine with the work-life balance tradeoff and I still got to do interesting work. Friends who are in the SES and who are partners in private practice (BigLaw and not so BigLaw) said they often wish they could trade places with me.

YMMV. Good luck.

Do you think that's where you'll be forever, at GS 15 give or take? Or are there going to be opportunities in 5 or 10 years when you might be more ready?

PP here ... I was a GS 15/10 for 15+ yrs. and just retired (early). I had 2-3 chances to move to the SES and had no interest in doing it, SES seems less attractive with each passing year and private law practice triply so. I have no regrets.

[Anonymous]

Another 15-10 here . . . I agree, SES just doesn't seem very attractive. At my current middle management job I have very little scut work. If I move up, much more (upper level) scut work and longer hours for very little pay bump. And, my current job is pretty interesting/challenging. Also, (to answer OP's/PP's? question) I don't feel like the window for advancement will close if I don't jump on it in the next couple of years. To the contrary, all the SESers in my agency are in their 60s - there will be numerous opportunities in the next ten years if (unlikely but never say never!) SES starts looking good.

So, OP, I guess my question is, are you sure your window will close? I'd be surprised. Things will inevitably pop up in a few years time.

[Anonymous]

Same dilemma over here. DH keeps telling me I'll be stressed and miserable if I take another job (and he's right). But I'm also somewhat miserable being bored to tears at work and feeling like I'm not living up to my potential. The only thing that makes my current job bearable is the hours and flexibility. The trade-off is totally worth it now, but I'm afraid when the kids get older I'll regret having a mediocre career.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Another 15-10 here . . . I agree, SES just doesn't seem very attractive. At my current middle management job I have very little scut work. If I move up, much more (upper level) scut work and longer hours for very little pay bump. And, my current job is pretty interesting/challenging. Also, (to answer OP's/PP's? question) I don't feel like the window for advancement will close if I don't jump on it in the next couple of years. To the contrary, all the SESers in my agency are in their 60s - there will be numerous opportunities in the next ten years if (unlikely but never say never!) SES starts looking good.

So, OP, I guess my question is, are you sure your window will close? I'd be surprised. Things will inevitably pop up in a few years time.

21:07 again... you're right, there will be many SES openings in the next 5-10 years. Too bad, as you note, that there is so much distasteful scut work (albeit high level scut work) in almost every SES position I've seen. I had so much independence and more interesting work as a 15/10 (with my own independent portfolio as a manager/senior policy advisor/ non supervisor) that SES would have been a clear step down/ back in many ways (other than a few more bucks a year that, luckily, I could survive without).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Same dilemma over here. DH keeps telling me I'll be stressed and miserable if I take another job (and he's right). But I'm also somewhat miserable being bored to tears at work and feeling like I'm not living up to my potential. The only thing that makes my current job bearable is the hours and flexibility. The trade-off is totally worth it now, but I'm afraid when the kids get older I'll regret having a mediocre career.

21:07 again ... I understand and identify with that. One way to help defuse it may be to turn the perspective a bit. On one level I feel that I "settled" and could have gone after more. But I also know that for much of the past 7-12 years I was very distracted and getting ground down by the illness and then death of my father, and then my mother. And I chose to spend time helping them and using that as an escape from some of the disenchantment with the job situation. Since i had flexibility and understanding supervisors who knew that I would always make sure that everything was done and covered, whether I was in NJ or here on leave taking care of a parent, or teleworking, etc., I could do both.

And as burned out as I was/am (my mother died last December), just doing what I was brought up to believe was what you do (take care of your family), I heard from many people who had kind words over how much time I took to do that.

So my point is that in some way we have to redefine or reweigh how we measure our "career" - and while on one level I may've been frustrated and felt that I "settled", I also enabled myself to have a more complete life than I otherwise would have, and to take care of family when it was needed. Not "career" per se, but something I try to let seep in and balance off the feelings of anger, frustration, resentment, etc., that I can have about the work situation per se. I see that side. Others see the side of my being able to be a senior manager in a national program for nearly 20 yrs. while also being able to take care of those other needs. They're both "right."

But I digress ... Good luck and I'm sure you'll find a path that feels right to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To me, it depends whether or not you are bored at your current position. I dialed it down for years when my kids were young during my 30s. Now I am getting back into my career. I was bored and have loved getting back on the ladder now that my kids are in school

I am a little antsy now, but it is totally bearable because of the life balance and being able to have the time I want with my kids. I'm pretty sure when my kids start being able to eat dinner later and go to bed later I will be clawing at the walls there, and I'm afraid my window of opportunity for the big jobs will have passed.

NP here. Why do you think there is a time limit on your opportunity for a "big job"? What is the reasoning behind this thinking? Just curious.

[Anonymous]

Interesting. I'm in a similar boat. Current job pays $200k and might go to $250 within 2 years, $300k within 5 to 10. I WFH 3-4 days a week, otherwise have flex hours (read: leave at 3pm if I want), I have unlimited vacation, and a 7.5% 401k match. I have a team of 8 reporting to me either directly or indirectly. I'm 34, and have about $1.2 to $1.3M in the bank (net). I work 40 to 50 hours a week.

Have another job that might bump me to $250 now, would include base, bonus and equity...$300k might be 2 years out....but I imagine long ass hours and no flexibility. Case in point: the recruiter called me Friday night at 7pm. Alarm bells were going off. 2nd round interviewer asked me "How many hors do you work?" (Another red flag). Asked to describe the culture he said "used to be family friendly, but is moving back to business basics". (Another flag I think). It also sounds like, despite the higher salary, I'd not have any directs. That might matter a lot at the next job - feels weird to say i make $300k with no directs. I suspect no work from home, or much more limited WFH. Plus the commute is out to near Dulles (from DC) so I guess that's at least an hour. And I currently work for a well known firm, this one is no-name. Plus, as an exec at the firm, there would be little opportunity for growth. On the flip side $250 vs $200 is a big leap - and on paper anyway, its a promotion.

All said, I'm leaning towards staying put. WWYD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interesting. I'm in a similar boat. Current job pays $200k and might go to $250 within 2 years, $300k within 5 to 10. I WFH 3-4 days a week, otherwise have flex hours (read: leave at 3pm if I want), I have unlimited vacation, and a 7.5% 401k match. I have a team of 8 reporting to me either directly or indirectly. I'm 34, and have about $1.2 to $1.3M in the bank (net). I work 40 to 50 hours a week.

Have another job that might bump me to $250 now, would include base, bonus and equity...$300k might be 2 years out....but I imagine long ass hours and no flexibility. Case in point: the recruiter called me Friday night at 7pm. Alarm bells were going off. 2nd round interviewer asked me "How many hors do you work?" (Another red flag). Asked to describe the culture he said "used to be family friendly, but is moving back to business basics". (Another flag I think). It also sounds like, despite the higher salary, I'd not have any directs. That might matter a lot at the next job - feels weird to say i make $300k with no directs. I suspect no work from home, or much more limited WFH. Plus the commute is out to near Dulles (from DC) so I guess that's at least an hour. And I currently work for a well known firm, this one is no-name. Plus, as an exec at the firm, there would be little opportunity for growth. On the flip side $250 vs $200 is a big leap - and on paper anyway, its a promotion.

All said, I'm leaning towards staying put. WWYD?

21:07 here ... I wouldn't even think of making that move based on those facts. Red flags galore. You already make big bucks whether it feels like it or not and have a hefty amount saved for your age. The grass is not always greener, often is not, in fact.