expectation of wife from inlaws

[Anonymous]

as a wife, do your inlaws expect you to be the communicator, call them to talk/chat, call other relatives (dh grandma, aunts, etc), etc?

[Anonymous]

No, not at all. But I (as a wife) do send out all the birthday/holiday cards and presents. My sister in law doesnt have much contact with us. She mentioned once that her husband (my brother) is in charge of keeping contact with his family and she with hers.
I should answer your question which is no. No one expects me to call anybody.

[Anonymous]

No. I do call for birthdays, but just mil, fil, sil...extended family is all dh responsibility. My family is my responsibility, and I will remind dh when it is my parents bdays and he will call without further prompting.

[Anonymous]

Probably, yes. But I'm just bad at that kind of thing even with my own family. (I adore my family and the ILs!) So, I tell DH he's in charge with his family and I'll look after mine. Mine get called regularly and presents (usually a bit late because I'm just terrible at keeping track of dozens of birthdays). DH regularly drops the ball with his. I'm pretty sure they blame me because somehow that's a womanly responsibility. But oh well.

[Anonymous]

I'm sure my MIL secretly thinks I should be the one to do this, but I just remind DH and he takes care of it. I do know my MIL expects me to do all the cleaning since that is a woman's job. Thankfully DH reminds her repeatedly that we are in this together and he does not expect me to take care of everything and that we are a team. But, she still says snide comments behind my back to my mom and my SIL. Oh well.

[Anonymous]

I don't know if they expect me to, but I don't. My husband handles the communication with his family and I handle it with mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know if they expect me to, but I don't. My husband handles the communication with his family and I handle it with mine.

+1

All communications. Positive and negative.

[Anonymous]

No, not at all. If it happens it's because there's a personal relationship there, not an expectation.

[Anonymous]

Not at all. DH is very close with his parents and talks to them like 4 times a week. I talk to them once a week, maybe twice. DH is a big boy, and he calls whoever he wants to.

[Anonymous]

We are close to each other's families...so i call his mom a lot...sometimes he calls my mom...
I am the one who usually remembers about cards...for both sides...
It's sad that so many folks feel like they only need to communicate with "their" families.
But I do understand that everyone does not blend well...and do not consider their inlaws family.

[Anonymous]

Interesting. My boyfriend is horrible at communicating with his family (planning etc) I am torn btwn letting him handle it and trying to jump in to improve communications

[Anonymous]

OP here. interesting responses.

i handle all the birthday/holiday gifts and cards and am fine with that and wasn't really the focus of my question.

i do get the impression that my MIL expects me to call her so we can gossip/chat but we have never had that type of relationship. and i don't really want it. i also feel like she expects me to call his grandma to catch up, or aunts, etc. i just think its a strange, old fashioned expectation and wondered if other MILs have this of their DIL. she has made comments to me in the past of other wives married into the family (like her SIL) and i think she just expects this of all wives.

[Anonymous]

Let's see...I send Christmas cards to my DH's relatives. As far as in laws, my FIL is hard of hearing and phone conversations are painful, what with me screaming and repeating myself and then he only gets about 1/2.

MY MIL would love it if I called her to chat, but I never do.

So, not much communication at all from me. Awkward because I have an ex-SIL who calls our MIL daily and gives her lots of details.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. interesting responses.

i handle all the birthday/holiday gifts and cards and am fine with that and wasn't really the focus of my question.

i do get the impression that my MIL expects me to call her so we can gossip/chat but we have never had that type of relationship. and i don't really want it. i also feel like she expects me to call his grandma to catch up, or aunts, etc. i just think its a strange, old fashioned expectation and wondered if other MILs have this of their DIL. she has made comments to me in the past of other wives married into the family (like her SIL) and i think she just expects this of all wives.

My MIL is like that... She has very detailed expectations that are really old fashioned. She expected me to call my DH's grandmother, and cousins and everything ... I didn't do it, but I get the sense that I'm probably letting her down. Oh well.

[Anonymous]

Both sides live far away. We do ~weekly calls/skypes together but husband emails them and vice versa often. I am out of that loop and OK with it but once they booked a flight to visit for double the time we told them too. Not sure what happened there...

I think everyone is fine with it. I know my brothers wife talks constantly to her mom and has started phoning my mom(he mil) a lot to catch up too. She asked first and explained that she really likes to talk and send photos a lot, it's her style. My moms OK with that, but I think it has tapered down a bit.