Possible gender identity issue?

[Anonymous]

My 6 yr old DS has been saying that he wants to be a girl. In addition to that, all he wants to play w/are dolls, & anything fashion related, & dress up in my clothes. No interest at all in boy toys. All of his close friends at school are girls, & doesn't really play with the boys.

What am I dealing with here?

[Anonymous]

No one is going to be able to tell you for sure. It could be a phase. It could be he's gay. It could be he's transgender. It could be that he just likes playing dress up and dolls, or that he thinks his mom/sister/friend/teacher/whoever is so cool that he wants to imitate her. There are lots of awesome men (gay and straight) and transwomen who like fashion and homemaking and child care so if that's how he ends up then great. And if in a month all he wants to wear is camo and all he likes are trucks that's cool too.

Just my opinion (as a lesbian with a trans sibling, a straight sister, and a gay brother!) but at this point all you do is love him while things become more apparent. If he loves dolls, get him one for his birthday. If he likes dressing up, have a range of clothes--dresses, firefighter suit, top hat, whatever...and let him see men and women doing and wearing lots of different things. Make sure he knows that he's not weird or bad for liking what he likes, and support him in dealing with teasing when it happens (and be vigilant for it not just among his classmates, but from teachers and relatives too!).

There are lots of picture books about boys who like typically "girl" things, as well as ones with gay or trans themes. And Children's National Medical Center has groups for gender-variant kids and their families if this is something ongoing for him or if it's causing him distress.

[Anonymous]

Wow -- how cool is 13:49! Awesome answer.

[Anonymous]

OP here, thanks so much for the thoughtful response.

[Anonymous]

Did this just occur? Was he into "boy" things all along and now wants to be a girl? If that is the case - it may be a phase. My niece is transgendered and she acted like a boy very early.

[Anonymous]

Does he have an older sister? My 4 yr old DS wants to be exactly like his 7 yr old big sister, he wants to wear her clothes, play with her dolls, wear her princess dresses, follows her around, and wants to hang with her girlfriends. He has even professed he wants to marry her. So I just let it be, it might be a phase or maybe not, except for the marriage part. That hopefully will pass.

[Anonymous]

My stepson has been like this since birth. He doesn't say he's a girl, but he has always identified with "girl" things. If he plays fantasy, he's the princess. He likes pink, doing hair, pretends to put on makeup, etc. He plays "mommy" not "daddy" (like our other son does) He's still in elementary school, so we can't really tell what his sexual preferences are yet. We are working on the assumption that he is gay, but that's in the background because he is still too young to be sexually aware.

I agree with 13:49 that all you can do at this point is love him and if you have to do any mental adjusting to be okay with who he is if he does turn out to be gay/transgendered you work through your issues now. It's been a little challenging for my DH, but while he sometimes has expressed some private disappointment, he has never done anything but treat his son with love and affection, and he doesn't have any favoritism for any of his children. We all know the children are who they are, and that's how you have to interact with them.

[Anonymous]

Oye. People, gender and sexual orientation are unrelated. He is 6 so I wouldn't put much meaning into anything, but liking "girly" things has nothing to do with whether he will be gay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just my opinion (as a lesbian with a trans sibling, a straight sister, and a gay brother!) but at this point all you do is love him while things become more apparent. If he loves dolls, get him one for his birthday. If he likes dressing up, have a range of clothes--dresses, firefighter suit, top hat, whatever...and let him see men and women doing and wearing lots of different things. Make sure he knows that he's not weird or bad for liking what he likes, and support him in dealing with teasing when it happens (and be vigilant for it not just among his classmates, but from teachers and relatives too!).

There are lots of picture books about boys who like typically "girl" things, as well as ones with gay or trans themes. And Children's National Medical Center has groups for gender-variant kids and their families if this is something ongoing for him or if it's causing him distress.

How is that even possible? Most families have one or two in extended family. I know this question is rude and I'm sorry to be, but I am genuinely curious.

And I think you offered super insight!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one is going to be able to tell you for sure. It could be a phase. It could be he's gay. It could be he's transgender. It could be that he just likes playing dress up and dolls, or that he thinks his mom/sister/friend/teacher/whoever is so cool that he wants to imitate her. There are lots of awesome men (gay and straight) and transwomen who like fashion and homemaking and child care so if that's how he ends up then great. And if in a month all he wants to wear is camo and all he likes are trucks that's cool too.

Just my opinion (as a lesbian with a trans sibling, a straight sister, and a gay brother!) but at this point all you do is love him while things become more apparent. If he loves dolls, get him one for his birthday. If he likes dressing up, have a range of clothes--dresses, firefighter suit, top hat, whatever...and let him see men and women doing and wearing lots of different things. Make sure he knows that he's not weird or bad for liking what he likes, and support him in dealing with teasing when it happens (and be vigilant for it not just among his classmates, but from teachers and relatives too!).

There are lots of picture books about boys who like typically "girl" things, as well as ones with gay or trans themes. And Children's National Medical Center has groups for gender-variant kids and their families if this is something ongoing for him or if it's causing him distress.

That's one jacked up family reunion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oye. People, gender and sexual orientation are unrelated. He is 6 so I wouldn't put much meaning into anything, but liking "girly" things has nothing to do with whether he will be gay.

This.

I used to cry myself to sleep at night when I was little because I wanted to be a boy. I wore boy clothes, played only with boys, and I was so happy when someone thought I was a boy. Fast forward to puberty and I finally started becoming interested in traditional girl stuff. I'm 35, straight, and I've been married for 10 years...but you still won't find me in a dress unless it's a formal occasion.

Just sit back, relax, and let him become whoever he is. It's way too early to be worrying about who your ds will become and who he will love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one is going to be able to tell you for sure. It could be a phase. It could be he's gay. It could be he's transgender. It could be that he just likes playing dress up and dolls, or that he thinks his mom/sister/friend/teacher/whoever is so cool that he wants to imitate her. There are lots of awesome men (gay and straight) and transwomen who like fashion and homemaking and child care so if that's how he ends up then great. And if in a month all he wants to wear is camo and all he likes are trucks that's cool too.

Just my opinion (as a lesbian with a trans sibling, a straight sister, and a gay brother!) but at this point all you do is love him while things become more apparent. If he loves dolls, get him one for his birthday. If he likes dressing up, have a range of clothes--dresses, firefighter suit, top hat, whatever...and let him see men and women doing and wearing lots of different things. Make sure he knows that he's not weird or bad for liking what he likes, and support him in dealing with teasing when it happens (and be vigilant for it not just among his classmates, but from teachers and relatives too!).

There are lots of picture books about boys who like typically "girl" things, as well as ones with gay or trans themes. And Children's National Medical Center has groups for gender-variant kids and their families if this is something ongoing for him or if it's causing him distress.

That's one jacked up family reunion.

NP. Fuck you, you fucking bigot. It's a family. They love each other. There's nothing jacked up about it.

Signed, a straight, white cis-gendered woman

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one is going to be able to tell you for sure. It could be a phase. It could be he's gay. It could be he's transgender. It could be that he just likes playing dress up and dolls, or that he thinks his mom/sister/friend/teacher/whoever is so cool that he wants to imitate her. There are lots of awesome men (gay and straight) and transwomen who like fashion and homemaking and child care so if that's how he ends up then great. And if in a month all he wants to wear is camo and all he likes are trucks that's cool too.

Just my opinion (as a lesbian with a trans sibling, a straight sister, and a gay brother!) but at this point all you do is love him while things become more apparent. If he loves dolls, get him one for his birthday. If he likes dressing up, have a range of clothes--dresses, firefighter suit, top hat, whatever...and let him see men and women doing and wearing lots of different things. Make sure he knows that he's not weird or bad for liking what he likes, and support him in dealing with teasing when it happens (and be vigilant for it not just among his classmates, but from teachers and relatives too!).

There are lots of picture books about boys who like typically "girl" things, as well as ones with gay or trans themes. And Children's National Medical Center has groups for gender-variant kids and their families if this is something ongoing for him or if it's causing him distress.

That's one jacked up family reunion.

NP. Fuck you, you fucking bigot. It's a family. They love each other. There's nothing jacked up about it.

Signed, a straight, white cis-gendered woman

Agree. Bigoted and disgraceful.

Signed, a straight, white, married mom of one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one is going to be able to tell you for sure. It could be a phase. It could be he's gay. It could be he's transgender. It could be that he just likes playing dress up and dolls, or that he thinks his mom/sister/friend/teacher/whoever is so cool that he wants to imitate her. There are lots of awesome men (gay and straight) and transwomen who like fashion and homemaking and child care so if that's how he ends up then great. And if in a month all he wants to wear is camo and all he likes are trucks that's cool too.

Just my opinion (as a lesbian with a trans sibling, a straight sister, and a gay brother!) but at this point all you do is love him while things become more apparent. If he loves dolls, get him one for his birthday. If he likes dressing up, have a range of clothes--dresses, firefighter suit, top hat, whatever...and let him see men and women doing and wearing lots of different things. Make sure he knows that he's not weird or bad for liking what he likes, and support him in dealing with teasing when it happens (and be vigilant for it not just among his classmates, but from teachers and relatives too!).

There are lots of picture books about boys who like typically "girl" things, as well as ones with gay or trans themes. And Children's National Medical Center has groups for gender-variant kids and their families if this is something ongoing for him or if it's causing him distress.

That's one jacked up family reunion.

NP. Fuck you, you fucking bigot. It's a family. They love each other. There's nothing jacked up about it.

Signed, a straight, white cis-gendered woman

Agree. Bigoted and disgraceful.

Signed, a straight, white, married mom of one.

Why do people sign, bla blah blah. As if being white or a mom of one matters? Just state your point.

[Anonymous]

Because, smartass PP, I was hoping that lots of people would post in agreement, and leave "signatures" and they'd all be very different and it would show that the poster who was being attacked here has support from many people from all walks of life.