Possible gender identity issue?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did this just occur? Was he into "boy" things all along and now wants to be a girl? If that is the case - it may be a phase. My niece is transgendered and she acted like a boy very early.

If your sibling's female-assigned-at-birth child is transgender, he may want you to refer to him with the pronoun that is correct for him.

And, as I understand it, "acting like a boy" is not the issue. The issue is being a boy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one is going to be able to tell you for sure. It could be a phase. It could be he's gay. It could be he's transgender. It could be that he just likes playing dress up and dolls, or that he thinks his mom/sister/friend/teacher/whoever is so cool that he wants to imitate her. There are lots of awesome men (gay and straight) and transwomen who like fashion and homemaking and child care so if that's how he ends up then great. And if in a month all he wants to wear is camo and all he likes are trucks that's cool too.

Just my opinion (as a lesbian with a trans sibling, a straight sister, and a gay brother!) but at this point all you do is love him while things become more apparent. If he loves dolls, get him one for his birthday. If he likes dressing up, have a range of clothes--dresses, firefighter suit, top hat, whatever...and let him see men and women doing and wearing lots of different things. Make sure he knows that he's not weird or bad for liking what he likes, and support him in dealing with teasing when it happens (and be vigilant for it not just among his classmates, but from teachers and relatives too!).

There are lots of picture books about boys who like typically "girl" things, as well as ones with gay or trans themes. And Children's National Medical Center has groups for gender-variant kids and their families if this is something ongoing for him or if it's causing him distress.

That's one jacked up family reunion.

15:25, you are offensive and a bigot. Please go away.

-Straight mom of gay son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did this just occur? Was he into "boy" things all along and now wants to be a girl? If that is the case - it may be a phase. My niece is transgendered and she acted like a boy very early.

OP here. I would say it started around 4. When he was even younger, he would want to wear my shoes & shirts. I didn't make anything of it then, but it's pretty constant now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does he have an older sister? My 4 yr old DS wants to be exactly like his 7 yr old big sister, he wants to wear her clothes, play with her dolls, wear her princess dresses, follows her around, and wants to hang with her girlfriends. He has even professed he wants to marry her. So I just let it be, it might be a phase or maybe not, except for the marriage part. That hopefully will pass.

OP here. No siblings. Only child.

[Anonymous]

Keep an eye out on the make care takers and teachers

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did this just occur? Was he into "boy" things all along and now wants to be a girl? If that is the case - it may be a phase. My niece is transgendered and she acted like a boy very early.

If your sibling's female-assigned-at-birth child is transgender, he may want you to refer to him with the pronoun that is correct for him.

And, as I understand it, "acting like a boy" is not the issue. The issue is being a boy.

Not my decision though as the Aunt - the parents are making the decision on this one. Last holiday they made her put on a dress. It was awkward for EVERYONE because we knew how terribly uncomfortable my niece was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did this just occur? Was he into "boy" things all along and now wants to be a girl? If that is the case - it may be a phase. My niece is transgendered and she acted like a boy very early.

If your sibling's female-assigned-at-birth child is transgender, he may want you to refer to him with the pronoun that is correct for him.

And, as I understand it, "acting like a boy" is not the issue. The issue is being a boy.

Not my decision though as the Aunt - the parents are making the decision on this one. Last holiday they made her put on a dress. It was awkward for EVERYONE because we knew how terribly uncomfortable my niece was.

Oh and just because she gender identifies as a boy - doesn't mean she is gay. I don't think we know that yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one is going to be able to tell you for sure. It could be a phase. It could be he's gay. It could be he's transgender. It could be that he just likes playing dress up and dolls, or that he thinks his mom/sister/friend/teacher/whoever is so cool that he wants to imitate her. There are lots of awesome men (gay and straight) and transwomen who like fashion and homemaking and child care so if that's how he ends up then great. And if in a month all he wants to wear is camo and all he likes are trucks that's cool too.

Just my opinion (as a lesbian with a trans sibling, a straight sister, and a gay brother!) but at this point all you do is love him while things become more apparent. If he loves dolls, get him one for his birthday. If he likes dressing up, have a range of clothes--dresses, firefighter suit, top hat, whatever...and let him see men and women doing and wearing lots of different things. Make sure he knows that he's not weird or bad for liking what he likes, and support him in dealing with teasing when it happens (and be vigilant for it not just among his classmates, but from teachers and relatives too!).

There are lots of picture books about boys who like typically "girl" things, as well as ones with gay or trans themes. And Children's National Medical Center has groups for gender-variant kids and their families if this is something ongoing for him or if it's causing him distress.

That's one jacked up family reunion.

Something tragic must have happened to the family to cause all of those issues

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: (as a lesbian with a trans sibling, a straight sister, and a gay brother!)

That's one jacked up family reunion.

Something tragic must have happened to the family to cause all of those issues

Wow, people have a lot to say about my family (I was the first responder to the article)!

Honestly, I'm pretty sure my family reunions aren't more awkward than any one else's. Nothing terribly strange or tragic about our upbringing...middle class; suburban; stay-at-home mom and working dad, both of whom finished college; two dogs, one hamster, and a bunch of fish over the years. And I think us kids do pretty well by any standard: 3 college degrees (one still in school), one doctor, one lawyer, one teacher, no arrests or addictions, all still speaking to each other.

3 out of 4 of us are some flavor of GLBT. 3 out of 4 of us are also left-handed, despite all our parents and grandparents being right-handed. In a large enough sample size, even improbable things happen from time to time.

But to turn it back to the original post, I think what keeps us a strong family regardless of what some folks here enjoy denigrating is that we all take each other as we are: who we're in relationships with, what our interests and personalities are, etc. We're not all always easy to get along with (who is, especially in a group of 6 when the only ones who chose each other were my parents, decades ago?) but there are things about each of us that are immutable and we are a team no matter what.

[Anonymous]

It may be a phase. It may not be. Only time will tell. I would not discourage it, just accept him for who he is.

When I was little I wanted to be a boy. I'm a straight female. I wanted to be a boy because my brother got all the cool toys and got to do all the cool things.

Oldest DS used to use markers as lipstick, sling a diaper changing mat over his arm like a purse, wear beads as necklaces, and his favorite color was pink. It was a phase, although he still likes pink and purple.

[Anonymous]

I am 32 married with 2 children and still want to be a man. I am not transgender, and I don't have any identity issues, just always thought it was way cooler to be a boy, and definitely easier to be a man in our society. Give your son a chance who knows what's going on, most likely just a phase. None of my gay male acquaintances like pink or want to wear high heels. They also seem to have more male friends than female friends. I think he is just going through this phase because all his friends are girls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oye. People, gender and sexual orientation are unrelated. He is 6 so I wouldn't put much meaning into anything, but liking "girly" things has nothing to do with whether he will be gay.

Actually, recent research has found that boys with gender identity issues are overwhelmingly most likely to be gay adults, as opposed to transgendered adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: (as a lesbian with a trans sibling, a straight sister, and a gay brother!)

That's one jacked up family reunion.

Something tragic must have happened to the family to cause all of those issues

Wow, people have a lot to say about my family (I was the first responder to the article)!

Honestly, I'm pretty sure my family reunions aren't more awkward than any one else's. Nothing terribly strange or tragic about our upbringing...middle class; suburban; stay-at-home mom and working dad, both of whom finished college; two dogs, one hamster, and a bunch of fish over the years. And I think us kids do pretty well by any standard: 3 college degrees (one still in school), one doctor, one lawyer, one teacher, no arrests or addictions, all still speaking to each other.

3 out of 4 of us are some flavor of GLBT. 3 out of 4 of us are also left-handed, despite all our parents and grandparents being right-handed. In a large enough sample size, even improbable things happen from time to time.

But to turn it back to the original post, I think what keeps us a strong family regardless of what some folks here enjoy denigrating is that we all take each other as we are: who we're in relationships with, what our interests and personalities are, etc. We're not all always easy to get along with (who is, especially in a group of 6 when the only ones who chose each other were my parents, decades ago?) but there are things about each of us that are immutable and we are a team no matter what.

15:53, you are articulate, insightful and one of those rare people who can address the ignorance of other folks with dignity and class. Bravo. And as an aside, your parents must have done something very right to successfully raise a close family like that. Hats off to you and your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oye. People, gender and sexual orientation are unrelated. He is 6 so I wouldn't put much meaning into anything, but liking "girly" things has nothing to do with whether he will be gay.

Actually, recent research has found that boys with gender identity issues are overwhelmingly most likely to be gay adults, as opposed to transgendered adults.

Care to provide a legit source for that claim.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oye. People, gender and sexual orientation are unrelated. He is 6 so I wouldn't put much meaning into anything, but liking "girly" things has nothing to do with whether he will be gay.

Actually, recent research has found that boys with gender identity issues are overwhelmingly most likely to be gay adults, as opposed to transgendered adults.

Care to provide a legit source for that claim.

Yes, I'd be interested in a legit source for that claim too. Keeping in mind that, for a child everybody thinks of as a boy, liking "girly" things is not the same thing as believing that you are a girl (or, for a child everybody thinks of as a girl, liking "boy" things is not the same thing as believing that you are a boy).