My DD is at sleepaway camp and I miss her terribly - how do I get through the next few weeks?
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Anonymous
| 10 year old DD is away at sleepaway camp for the first time. I'm finding it excruciating not to have daily contact and know how she's doing, whether she's comfortable, happy, etc. The camp doesn't allow phone calls, only old fashioned letters. If there were something horribly wrong, I'm sure the camp would let me know. It just feels so strange to be so cut off from my child. I don't want to make her anxious or homesick, so of course I won't share these thoughts with my daughter. But I honestly don't know how I'm going to get through the next 3 weeks. Any advice from those of you who have been there, done that? TIA. |
Anonymous
| Yes, it is hard. I wondered also. But she will be back soon, and you can appreciate her then. |
Anonymous
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I'm sorry, OP. I know ths is hard.
No real advice for you, but it may help to recognize that this is most likely how your own mom/ parents felt when you breezed off on your own first sleepover/ camp/ trip to college. Remember how excited you were, with little or no thought to those back at home? You expected them to be as happy and excited as you were! Ha! Now you know. It's really, really hard, but also, part of life and means that they cycle is working the way that it should. Take comfort in knowing that you've raised her well, to the point that she is now comfortable to have little adventures on her own. Plenty more to come that you will share in, of course, but this is how it works from here on out. |
Anonymous
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Think of how healthy this is for both of you. to begin that separation that allows her to become her own person, and for you to think of her growing up and being gone. You will always be mother and daughter but you are also individual people who have your own interests and other roles.
It is like the reverse of separation anxiety in toddlers. After a while they learn that the relationship is still safe and secure even if they are apart. You will miss her for sure, but if it is to the point of being excruciating and interfering with your life, it is probably really good for both of you to have some space. |
Anonymous
| Yep. But I keep reminding myself how good it is for her to have this independence and not have me hovering all the time. |
Anonymous
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PS -Don't send I miss you letters. Makes it too had on the kid.
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Anonymous
| Does your camp have pictures? Our camp posts pictures of the girls every day so I am scouring them every night to find her. Seeing her engaged in the activities has helped a lot. She was fine at drop off and was ready for us to go. I think I would feel the absence more if she was clingy at drop off. If your camp doesn't have pictures every day maybe find one that does next year? |
Anonymous
| No advice as a parent, but I did spend about 2 month of my summers away at camps. I loved it! She's having a great time, making new friends, doing new activities. Don't stifle her with "I miss you" letters. My parents wrote me twice a week, telling me what everyone was up to and I told them about the talent show, my horseback riding class, etc. It will be good for her to gain some independence and learn to be self reliant. |
Anonymous
| 10! Just 8 more years until sleepaway camp for us... can't wait! |
Anonymous
Anonymous
| Develop a mantra. Create a single sentence (or two) which becomes your mantra. Memorize it. Whenever sadness or worry start to creep through your thoughts block-them by repeating your mantra (thinking it rather than saying it works fine) It needs to be the same sentence, so it becomes automatic. It will work. For example, maybe something like , "My daughter is strong. She's making friends and having fun." |
Anonymous
| Figure out some distractions, ie go away for a weekend at the beach with your spouse/partner, or to a spa or camping for a few days with perhaps some other mothers in the same situation who also have kids away at camp. Or sign up for a course in some new sport/activity/hobby that meets intensively for a week or two every evening. Or join a new volunteer organization. If your daughter is 10, she will accelerate away from you in terms of needing constant contact/input from you and if you try too hard to maintain that she may really push you away, so this is good practice for middle school and tween/teen transitions, you have to adapt to her growing independence and the happier you can be about it, the healthier your relationship is likely to be moving forward. |
Anonymous
| It's hard for me to sympathize. Be thankful you have a child who is developmentally able to go to sleepaway camp. My DS is 9 and nowhere near ready even though we think it would be a great experience for him. |
Anonymous
This is really getting out of hand. |
Anonymous
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My mom was heartbroken when I went away to sleepaway camp (which I begged her to let me do). She put up a brave front those first few years (I also started at age 10), but I remember her finally breaking down in tears when she dropped me off when I was 13. This was a woman who had four other children and was not at all a helicopter parent. I think what you're feeling is pretty typical.
I don't think my mom ever got used to having me gone for those weeks in the summer, but it was honestly the most wonderful thing for me at the time and I am so thankful she was able to suppress her own desires for mine. I really came into my own at camp and those experiences shaped the person I became - plus, I had SOOO much fun! I worked at a camp for years, and 95% of the kids had a great experience. For the couple who struggled (usually due to homesickness), staff was in contact with parents and the kids themselves certainly sent less than happy reports home. Even when everything wasn't peaches and roses (which was rare at the camps I attended or worked at) the kids were learning and growing from the experience. My mom passed away a number of years ago, and I often think about that day she started crying at camp drop off fondly - both because it reminds me of her love for me, and because it reminds me of how much she gave of herself for my benefit. Cheer up - your daughter is probably having a great time and will thank you one day! |