Can you teach passion?

[Anonymous]

My 7 yr old DD is very good at many things. She definitely has talents. But she does not seem to have that fire in her belly that will hopefully make her very successful in life. For example, she gets bored and gives up easily. I think I was like that in my childhood and sadly, never really did find that thing that made me soar. I want better for my daughter. Luckily, my husband has it so maybe she will inherit it from him! I know you can teach work ethics, etc., which we do. But can you teach passion?

[Anonymous]

Do you give her lots of unstructured down time? Or is she highly scheduled? Anecdotal of course, but I find the kids with the most motivation and pure joy for things (or passion) have lots of down time, time to explore, and use their imagination.

[Anonymous]

"But she does not seem to have that fire in her belly that will hopefully make her very successful in life..."

Seriously? OP, I'm sorry your life didn't turn out the way you wanted, but let your kid be a kid.

[Anonymous]

Your daughter has a condition that causes these symptoms -- it's called being 7. Allow her to be a child, and explore options. If you give her space and the freedom to try things without having to make a huge commitment, she'll figure out what she likes and what she loves over time.

[Anonymous]

My DD definitely has passions but they did not show until later. Encourage her to do things that interest her even if they do not interest you. Eventually, she will find her thing.

[Anonymous]

She's 7, for goodness sake. You really need to start now to resist the pressure that children have to specialize in something, to have a "passion." Children are supposed to be generalists, that is far more typical and healthy. The fact that you are feeling this pressure to make your 7 year-old into something should be a big red warning light that you are embarking on a really unhealthy dynamic.

[Anonymous]

On the brighter side of having no passion for things...

My H has a lot of passion for what he does (it does not make a lot of money but it makes the world a better place).
I do not really have a passion for what I do but it pays the bills and my life is good.
My H is never happy, always wants more, is always seeking the greater good. He will never be happy, his passion can never be fully fed.
I am always happy, I am okay with the mediocre life. I go to work, have good friends, my kids do okay, I am content and happy.

I have 1 son who has an insane drive for so many things. He has invented about 10 companies in his head and is always the best at everything and if he is not he drives himself crazy trying to be better.

I have another son who could care less about most things, but he does care enough to be good. He is a B student, plays on sports teams but is not the best player. He is sweet and funny.

I worry more about the one with passion.

They will both be successful but I fear #1 will never believe he is successful until he is Bill Gates.

[Anonymous]

I don't think you can. Some kids have it even at age 7. Some kids may develop it later, but some never do.

I have one child who dabbles, happily and diligently but without real inner drive, and one who throws herself into her enthusiasm (which has lasted a couple of years now). I am sorry the first may never experience the rush of caring so much about something that you want to devote yourself to it 100 percent, even when the going gets tough, and she may never learn the self-discipline a passion can impose. She may also never get as good at anything as she would if she were passionate about it. But she is who she is. I am disappointed for her and frankly sometimes I feel a little disappointed in her, but I try to step very hard on that emotion.

She has tried and dropped several activities, which I don't make a fuss about, but I now expect her to stick to at least one thing she likes (in her case, piano) for several years so that she can experience the gains you get from commitment to something, anything. I also try to give her unstructured time so that any true interests she may develop are not squeezed out by her schedule. But she's entering middle school now, so that's getting harder.

In the end, I don't think I can change her. I can only give her the chance to be her own best self, cheesy as that sound.

[Anonymous]

When did we decide that everybody ought to have a passion?

This is a serious question, not a rhetorical one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think you can. Some kids have it even at age 7. Some kids may develop it later, but some never do.

I have one child who dabbles, happily and diligently but without real inner drive, and one who throws herself into her enthusiasm (which has lasted a couple of years now). I am sorry the first may never experience the rush of caring so much about something that you want to devote yourself to it 100 percent, even when the going gets tough, and she may never learn the self-discipline a passion can impose. She may also never get as good at anything as she would if she were passionate about it. But she is who she is. I am disappointed for her and frankly sometimes I feel a little disappointed in her, but I try to step very hard on that emotion.

She has tried and dropped several activities, which I don't make a fuss about, but I now expect her to stick to at least one thing she likes (in her case, piano) for several years so that she can experience the gains you get from commitment to something, anything. I also try to give her unstructured time so that any true interests she may develop are not squeezed out by her schedule. But she's entering middle school now, so that's getting harder.

In the end, I don't think I can change her. I can only give her the chance to be her own best self, cheesy as that sound.

OMG, you are disappointed in your (10? 11? year-old?) because she will never get as good at anything if she were passionate enough, will never learn self-discipline? Do you realize how nutty and sad this sounds? She's a kid! Already her mother is disappointed because she assumes she will never amount to anything.

Many of you have ridiculous assumptions about what kids should be doing and feeling. They are not mini adults. Push them to be now, and they will push back once they get older. I have teens and I look around and see this dynamic over and over again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When did we decide that everybody ought to have a passion?

This is a serious question, not a rhetorical one.

I think this is an important Q- I was actually on holiday having a conversation with my mom about this recently, about what really defines a passion and therefore how many people really have them.

I don't have a particular passion, I like a variety of things, I am proficient at a variety of things but nothing wakes me up in the morning and drives me in one single direction, which is what I thought passion was. Some I guess define it more broadly and says that we all (or mostly all) have something in us that we have passion for, and that doesn't equate to an all consuming activity.

I have no answers here but its interesting to think about. Is a passion even necessary to success (I'm inclined to think not since sometimes a more well-rounded person presents as more desirable for some things).

[Anonymous]

I never had much passion until age 40, when I decided to leave my profession and start a new career. Before that I was successful and usually content, but not passionate. Now I wake up every day feeling blessed to do a job I consider a calling. Who knew this would happen to me, and so late in life at that? OP, your daughter may find something she's passionate about on a very different time schedule that what you've envisioned. Don't lose heart.

[Anonymous]

Op here. Wow, I am not the evil tiger mom some of you PPs are making me out to be. Not in the slightest. You have the wrong impression as you jump all over me. I am not pressuring my DD at all. There is not an unhealthy dynamic or a red flag. I am not sitting here thinking my life didn't turn out the way I wanted. (Maybe some of you nasty PPs are projecting?) I just hope she will feel some passion in life for something. Why is that a terrible thing to wish for your child? Thank you to the other PPs have good advice and thought provoking answers. I thought this older kid forum was a little less snarky but I guess not.

[Anonymous]

My DD is a teen who seems passionate about her relationships with others. Wherever she goes she makes friends, and she also puts a lot of effort into her friendships and relationships with family. Sometimes it's hard for me to appreciate this as her "gift", but I think it is, more so than a musical talent, a sport or academic strength. It takes all kinds to make the world interesting.

[Anonymous]

This area is unhealthy in what it expects from kids. Our 10-yaar old DC has a passion for art and is very good at dancing. The art - quality and depth of involvement - comes and goes. The idea that DC should spend every moment of time "directed at" art is just crazy. If we constantly scheduled classes and tutorials, DC would probably come to hate art. Ditto with dance. DC takes pre-professional classes and we pushed a bit to continue it one more year -- after that DC will have to make the choice because the time commitment will go up significantly.