fish out of water

[Anonymous]

Im in a situation I have never been in at work. Looking for ideas on how to handle.

I havent ever had issues with getting along with someone in the workplace. I'm 42, and seriously, never a problem.

Took a new position about a year ago. Ever since day one, there is one woman in the office who HATES me. She even tells people in the office that she hates me. Its so awkward to be in the restroom or something, and have my coworkers be like, wow, so and so really seriously hates you. She is a grown woman, older than me--who even HAS conversations about "hating" someone at this age? its so weird. I have absolutely NO issues with anyone else in the office.

When I send her an email about something, she responds in such a nasty manner, its terrible. She tries to make me look bad to upper management by twisting things around. She complains literally about everything I do, and how I do it. Its like a mosquito I cant get to go away!

She runs a department that I dont work in-and we are "equals" in terms of the company levels. We have different bosses, and our bosses dont really talk (not that they dont like each other, just different worlds, no reason for them to).

I have never really made a big issue of this, because I dont want to appear like I am creating drama. so I just dont engage with her. She went to my boss to complain about really odd things (my boss said she made no sense and he didnt understand her issues). I mentioned something to him like "I am not sure what her issue is with me..." and he responded "she's jealous of you and threatened by you-its totally obvious, just ignore her". Um, okay....

Overall I have to deal with her intermittently (basically I am in sales and she is in service. when I sell, I am forced to work with her to get my customers what they need). It literally is awful having to deal with her, and I am getting worn down by it. But i LOVE my job. I love every single thing about it, except this ONE crazy weird woman.

I have zero interest in drama and so I just finally asked her to go to lunch with me. She said yes, then she backed out an hour before we were scheduled to leave. I rescheduled, and she accepted, and then backed out a second time, saying she was too busy.

Im sort of just irritated and annoyed becasue she is an energy zapper. But I dont want to bring this to my boss as an issue because like I said, I dont want to be viewed as being involved in some sort of "cat fight".

Has anyone had someone at work who just HATES them, and if so, what did you do? I dont want to leave my job, I love it so much. I know its a free country and all and that I can leave. Im looking for an alternative to that! Just sort of never have been in this position before and feel totally unsure of what to do.

[Anonymous]

Does she have a favorite coffee drink or lunch that you could order and drop by her desk? Then make it an impromptu breakfast or lunch meeting.

[Anonymous]

Not sure..I dont even know her.

But she works on the other side of the building from me, in a maze of cubes in kind of an open space. I could go over there, but I couldnt talk to her--there's tons of other people like 2 feet away. In order to actually talk to her to get to the root of this, I'd have to make a meeting time with her and get her to lunch or into a conference room or something.

[Anonymous]

Make a lunch date with her and a work friend of yours. Have the friend back out at the last second.

Stupid, I know, but that way you might guarantee her going.

Not sure of your other options. Obviously the people she tells that she "hates you" could defend you a bit? Or maybe just squash her attempt to talk about you at least.

[Anonymous]

I think you need to get out in front of this. Bring it up to your supervisor as a risk you've identified -- say you want coaching on how to handle possible issues that may fall out from this. View this as a professional challenge for yourself. Be honest with your supervisor that you're surprised by her behavior and you're looking for ideas on how to interact.

DO NOT buy her gifts. If can have a sit-down, do so, but keep things impersonal -- talk about how you'd like to get her input on how you can work better together and see what she'd like to make your business relationship smoother. Realize it may just be that she is mentally not-so-stable and her behavior is not a reflection of you.

If she's a drama queen (sounds like she is), ignore her crazy behavior, don't feed into it, and bring her back to reality in all your interactions (e.g., if she emails you with something off the wall, only respond to the rational portions).

Finally, if she does affect your customers, make sure to document and escalate.

[Anonymous]

Do what your boss said and ignore her.

[Anonymous]

I think your instincts are totally right to try to have a conversation with her and not to take this to your boss.

I also agree that you can feel others out a little bit about her - if she is routinely alienating a lot of people - maybe others have figured out how to deal with her. But you need to be very careful not to do that in a gossipy way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to get out in front of this. Bring it up to your supervisor as a risk you've identified -- say you want coaching on how to handle possible issues that may fall out from this. View this as a professional challenge for yourself. Be honest with your supervisor that you're surprised by her behavior and you're looking for ideas on how to interact.

DO NOT buy her gifts. If can have a sit-down, do so, but keep things impersonal -- talk about how you'd like to get her input on how you can work better together and see what she'd like to make your business relationship smoother. Realize it may just be that she is mentally not-so-stable and her behavior is not a reflection of you.

If she's a drama queen (sounds like she is), ignore her crazy behavior, don't feed into it, and bring her back to reality in all your interactions (e.g., if she emails you with something off the wall, only respond to the rational portions).

Finally, if she does affect your customers, make sure to document and escalate.

OT but what do you do if you have mentally no-so-stable coworker? Not OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to get out in front of this. Bring it up to your supervisor as a risk you've identified -- say you want coaching on how to handle possible issues that may fall out from this. View this as a professional challenge for yourself. Be honest with your supervisor that you're surprised by her behavior and you're looking for ideas on how to interact.

DO NOT buy her gifts. If can have a sit-down, do so, but keep things impersonal -- talk about how you'd like to get her input on how you can work better together and see what she'd like to make your business relationship smoother. Realize it may just be that she is mentally not-so-stable and her behavior is not a reflection of you.

If she's a drama queen (sounds like she is), ignore her crazy behavior, don't feed into it, and bring her back to reality in all your interactions (e.g., if she emails you with something off the wall, only respond to the rational portions).

Finally, if she does affect your customers, make sure to document and escalate.

+1

[Anonymous]

Agree to document, document, document. See if you can document her breaking company policy or rules, eg, fraud by cheating on her time or using company assets for personal business outside of occasional use.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree to document, document, document. See if you can document her breaking company policy or rules, eg, fraud by cheating on her time or using company assets for personal business outside of occasional use.

100% agree. I tried playing nice when this happened to me. Then I tried ignoring it. Then the bitch tried to get me fired. It only takes one asshole to get you booted from a job.

Do not JUST document. Get ahead of it and go to HR and ask their "advice" about how to handle this person hostiility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree to document, document, document. See if you can document her breaking company policy or rules, eg, fraud by cheating on her time or using company assets for personal business outside of occasional use.

100% agree. I tried playing nice when this happened to me. Then I tried ignoring it. Then the bitch tried to get me fired. It only takes one asshole to get you booted from a job.

Do not JUST document. Get ahead of it and go to HR and ask their "advice" about how to handle this person hostiility.

What happened? Did you get fired?

[Anonymous]

Protect yourself. Go to HR. Tell them your side now before she does something harmful. There is a teenager like this in my DD's class. She always needs to have one person to "target'. If she concentrates on hating one person or blaming one person she can ignore her own shortcomings. I bet this woman has always had one "target" in her life.

[Anonymous]

I don't know what to say OP, except that I agree it only takes one a$$hole who is really targeting you to cause real problems. I know 2 people who lost their jobs recently for no good reason in that type of situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know what to say OP, except that I agree it only takes one a$$hole who is really targeting you to cause real problems. I know 2 people who lost their jobs recently for no good reason in that type of situation.

Can you explain? I have a coworker who is doing this and I want to be ready!